Speech help

funkey_monkey

Hi,
I'm best man for my brothers wedding and have to make a speech. The speech will be very basic and just covering the basics. There will be no hilarious anecdotes or any of that daft stuff you see on YouTube.

I don't know what I need to say or what needs to be mentioned.

What basics should be covered?

Thanks.

Milly33

It is all up to you then.. My tupence would be dont take it too seriously and well if you want to keep it plain and simple just ask people to raise a toast to the new bride and groom and maybe mention how you feel about your bro getting married (if tis nice that is) or talk to you brother and ask him about the thanks... Normally it would be to the parents and the fantastic bridesmaids and the bride and groom..

After listening to a few of them i think unless you are going all out, then keep it simple and toast the bride and groom and thank everyone for coming that way you dont offend anyone

ChampagnePop

Its important to welcome the bride into your family in your speech, you'll make the happy couple very happy and they're the two who matter at the end of the day.

funkey_monkey

Is there a list of things to cover?
-Introduce myself.
-Thank guests for coming?
-Toasts to whom?
-Do I have to compliment the bride?
-Anything else?
-Introducing next speaker.

I've looked online and they are very much swayed to bollox about anecdotes and including humour. Meh.

Milly33

Sounds perfect OP... Compliment the bride is nice but if it is easier I would think complimenting both of them is nicer. Say what an amazing couple they make.. And yep cut it off with Ill know hand you over to so and so....

funkey_monkey

Erm... can I get some help fleshing this out?

Hello
- Introduce myself.
- Who I am.
- Relationship with to groom.
Thank all guests for coming on behalf of bride and groom.
- Any apologies that are givent o me to read.
- Thank the reception???
???
Compliment the couple.
- Mention bridesmaids.
Toast to the couple.
Wish everyone an enjoyable meal and evening.
Pass onto next speaker.


What else can I say to pad this out a bit as when I get nervous I speak quickly and honestly I could go through the above in about 60 seconds.

tea and coffee

funkey_monkey wrote: »

Erm... can I get some help fleshing this out?

Hello
- Introduce myself.
- Who I am.
- Relationship with to groom.
Thank all guests for coming on behalf of bride and groom.
- Any apologies that are givent o me to read.
- Thank the reception???
???
Compliment the couple.
- Mention bridesmaids.
Toast to the couple.
Wish everyone an enjoyable meal and evening.
Pass onto next speaker.


What else can I say to pad this out a bit as when I get nervous I speak quickly and honestly I could go through the above in about 60 seconds.

Maybe an anecdote or story about your brother (when you were kids, or when he met the bride ).

Also, just take breaths, and pause after each piece (even write it on caps between each section ). This will stop you rushing. And so what if you do rush or get flustered! The people in the room are all friends and family who love you, and who are having a lovely day /there to have a good time, and they won't mind what you say or how long it takes.
:-)

funkey_monkey

Thanks - I've already had people telling me they are looking forward to the speeches They seem to be expecting some type of comedic monologue with lots of hilarity and witty stories.

I'm not very happy and they are mounting pressure on me. Being a best man is a position you wouldn't give your worst enemy.

Bacchus

Hey, I'll give you the advise my wife gave to me for my wedding speech... "be yourself". I was stressed out that I had to have some laugh a minute speech that wasn't a cringe fest and that's really not me. I stripped it down to the few things I wanted to say and kept it heartfelt. If ever a moment of clarity pops into your head about something you could say, write it down. I had a load of little notes on a page that I put together into my speech the day before the wedding. You'll find as well that by keeping it true and not trying to force a joke you'll actually inject a little bit of humour into it anyway which is all you need.

Best man speeches are more difficult though. I even veered off my own advice when I gave one for my best friend. I tried to force the humour in one or two place and....tumbleweed. Fortunately, I mostly stuck to my own advice and it went rather well. Ignore the pressure for a comedy routine. Nothing worse than a best man (who's not a natural storyteller) telling some "funny" anecdote involving people or a backstory that means nothing to half the audience and just peters out in the end. The objective here shouldn't be to embarrass the groom. A sweet story about the couple or your brother or how they met will go down far better than some story about the time your brother mildly embarrassed himself.

Also, try not to write a script. If you write a script and you miss a line, it'll throw you. Make a series of points you want to hit, put em on a small card and speak around them. It'll also be easier to adapt your speech to something that happened on the day itself. For instance, I changed my "who I am" from a rather boring, "I met X in blah blah blah" to "I'm the guy ye all tried to run over at the church entrance cause it was raining and ye didn't want to park down the road". Corny? Sure. But it got a laugh and broke the ice.

So yeah, in summary.
- Do NOT force the humour (unless you are confident about that kind of thing). If it's there, go for it, but just don't force it.
- Try not to get too hung up on a script as it'll make you nervous that you might forget something.
- Do not mention any ex's
- Keep it honest, congratulate the couple, tell them it's an honour to standing up there with them and wish them the best in life.
- If all else fails, keep it short and sweet. Noone has ever complained about a short speech.

BTW, I don't think you need to thank the reception. That's the grooms duty.

funkey_monkey

What type is thing to say or anecdotes? I can't think. I've just started a new job and am very stressed out by it.

This might be a car crash.

Faith

I think you need to take a very deep breath, and step back. You're stressed, you're flustered and you're making this into a way bigger deal than it is.

Take a deep breath. Literally. Do it now.





Now take another one.



You have been asked to be best man because you are an important figure in the groom's life. He prioritised you above all others, not because you're a natural speaker, or hilariously funny, but because you mean a lot to him. It doesn't matter if your speech is one minute or 10. It doesn't matter if it's funny. It just needs to be heartfelt.

Our best man avoided that whole tacky "anecdotes" bit with a lot of grace and humour by saying "In the interests of avoiding self-incrimination, this won't be a speech where I detail [the groom's] exploits" or something like that.

All you need to cover is who you are, maybe include a bit about the close relationship you have with your brother, maybe say something nice about the bride, compliment the bridesmaids, thank everyone for coming and propose a toast.

It's a couple of minutes of talking; not the nightmare you have twisted it into in your head.

Bacchus

funkey_monkey wrote: »

What type is thing to say or anecdotes? I can't think. I've just started a new job and am very stressed out by it.

This might be a car crash.

Do as Faith said, step back a moment. You seem incredibly anxious about this so I think you need to try put it into perspective. Your speech can be whatever YOU want it to be. It can be 3 minutes standing up saying a few nice words if that is all you are comfortable with. You do NOT need anecdotes. Sure, they can be fun and get the audience laughing but if YOU are not comfortable with it (which it doesn't sound at all like you are) then DON'T put yourself under the pressure to come up with one. The most likely outcome of that would be more stress for you, a 'weak' anecdote and a stressed delivery of it which will be obvious to everyone. So right now, ditch any though you have of doing an anecdote.

Remember also, there are two kinds of speeches people really remember...
1. The 'knocked out of the park' awesome, funny speeches
2. The terrible speeches (typically long winded / forced jokes / boring anecdotes / go on too long)

There's a 3rd kind which a certain section of the audience will remember, and that is the heartfelt approach.

Fly under the radar. Give a short speech, add some touching comments about how happy you are for the couple, wish them the best, get everyone to raise their glasses and toast them. END.

There may well be a few of the lads that will take a cheap shot at the lack of jokes/anecdotes but that will last all of 5 seconds and your speech will quickly become a distant memory. On the flip side, you'll probably find that a lot of people will enjoy your short heartfelt speech.

Ignore what others are saying to you. Heck, ignore what I've said if it makes you uncomfortable. Find the words that you want to say and damn the rest of them.

BTW, if you're a nervous public speaker, you could try to go to some Toastmasters classes.

funkey_monkey

Should I say anything about my brother? I don't know how they even met!

I want to say something but not all that sugary crap - we are not that type of family.

I could say for filler that I looked at Google but decided I would wing it and see what happens!

Faith

funkey_monkey wrote: »

Should I say anything about my brother? I don't know how they even met!

I never understand this kind of thing. Do the two of you not talk? Are you not interested in his life?

Now is a good time to talk to your brother. Find out more about their relationship. It's not necessary to include it in your speech, but it's a good idea to know a tiny bit about them as a couple before you're the best man at their wedding.

funkey_monkey

Too close timewise.

We are not a talkative family. I'm really fretting about it now. we keep to ourselves. I did try to get him to ask someone else though, but it didn't change.

I'm not sleeping very well over this.

Faith

Your anxiety is not proportional to the situation. It's really not. You should speak to your GP about these extreme feelings that you're experiencing, if you're genuinely losing sleep over this. No-one here can help you, because it appears that you're not taking any advice on board.

funkey_monkey

Any advice on how to compliment the couple?
Also, do I need to name the bridesmaids or just thank them as a collective?

Thanks.

tea and coffee

Congratulations to John and Mary. I'm sure you'll have a long and happy life together (applause )
Mary looks lovely today , I'm sure you all agree (applause )
Well done to all the bridesmaids, Nuala, Fiona and Jennifer. you've done sterling work today. (applause )
Keep it simple!

Mollyb60

My dad's speech started with:
"I think a good speech should be like a good mini skirt, short enough to keep everyone interested but long enough to cover the basics". Cheeky but it got a laugh and I think it helped him relax.
All you have to do then is:
*Thank everyone involved in the wedding - bridesmaids, priest, hotel, suppliers, friends and family who helped out. (Or you could do a group "thanks to everyone who has had any part in making today special for the bride and groom, especially me - wah wah")
*Thank the groom for making you his best man
*Say that the bride looks stunning and how she's the perfect match for the groom.
Raise a toast to the new Mr and Mrs Whatever.

Boom, you're done!

razorblunt

Here's what I would do for a "bare bones, stand up, speak up, shut up, sit down" type speech (and I don't mean shut up in a disparaging way):

1. You might get applauded as you stand up, leave it die down before speaking
2. If no one has introduced them as Mr and Mrs X "for the first time", do it now, you'll get a cheer and round of applause for that one
3. Compliment the bride, tell her she looks amazing every day you've seen her but she looks fantastic today
3.1 If you feel confident enough here spin it on its head and thank everyone for coming your brother's big day and thanks to the bride ..."for getting dressed up", should get a giggle
4. Tell the bridesmaids they all look fantastic and they've really added to the beauty of the day (I wouldn't worry about names, get the collective)
4.1 Address the groomsmen .... thank them for ... turning up
5. Address your brother if you want, make it formal/informal as your relationship fits
5.1 If you want a funny story add it in here, if not don't worry, just let it go and move it
6. Read any correspondence from those who can't attend
7. Ask everyone to stand and make a toast to the couple
8. Tell everyone you hope they enjoy their night

Sit down, decompress, have a drink and enjoy the rest of your own night.

funkey_monkey

Speech is done. Pretty much as above post. Went okay and glad it's over!

Thanks for the encouragement and advice!