Choosing Bridesmaids

Plankton1

How do people choose?? I have a large group of friends (9 of us) who all consider each other best friends. I don't know how I'm going to pick who to be bridesmaid, or how many to pick.....I am thinking possibly the two I've known the longest? But then I'm quite close to the rest in other ways?

How do you pick!!

busybride2be

Its so hard. I have 2 brothers and no sisters. Partner is an only child.

I also have 2 group of friends. 1 group there is 8 of us and very close to 5 of them.

The second group theres 6 of us and my bff is in this group. Im friends with her since I was 3 and without a doubt shes my Chiefy. heart of gold, straight to the point and gets things done!

Me and my partner have agreed on 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen, this includes my chiefy and best man.

I havnt officially asked them yet but its my bff, my cousin who im fairly close to and one of my oldest friends from the first group, who the more i think about is the right choice as she knows how to calm me when i'm anxious, and i definitely will be on the day!

On a side note my partners cousin keeps saying how it would be so perfect if she was my bridesmaid as shes close to him...... Even he told me not to even think about it!

Choose who you know will be there for you on the day!

SarahMollie

busybride2be wrote: »

On a side note my partners cousin keeps saying how it would be so perfect if she was my bridesmaid as shes close to him...... Even he told me not to even think about it!

This is so nuts - whats wrong with some people. Choose your best and most reliable girlfriends who are good level headed, organised and handle stress well

Also, I don't understand the fascination of ppl wanting to be bridesmaids so badly. I get that its nice to be asked, but it can be quite a lot of work. I'm BM for one of my best friends next year, and of course I'm happy to do it but a little part of me would rather be sitting beside my OH, just enjoying the day like everyone else.

I've one other best friend from childhood and we're still close. I'd say she might ask me (although she might just have 1 and go with her sister - very recent engagement) and again for her I'd be happy to do it. But beyond that I don't feel the need and definitely not get bent out of shape at not being asked.

stargazer 68

Take your time choosing OP. The amount of people on here and other sites wishing they hadn't asked certain people.

vicwatson

Pick who you feel are your best friends and that mean the most to YOU, end of story.

Abrean

The important thing is to take your time making the decision. There's really no rush.

Having been through it my advice is to pick the girls you really want standing by you on the day.

Don't pick someone just because you've known them the longest (I picked a friend just because I've known her the longest out of all my friends and I thought she'd have a hissy fit if I didn't pick her - big big mistake! She was trouble the whole way through the planning and was trouble on my wedding day too!)

Pick the girls you're closest to, anyone who is a real friend won't have a problem with who you pick they'll just be happy for you

Happy planning!

Walter H Price

I had a similar problem picking my groomsmen , big group of 15 mates i'd no brothers and my Fiance has one half sister. I have one Cousin bout the same age as me , but were not overly close , think he expected to be asked and my Aunt certainly expected me to ask him but wasn't even considered. In the end i went with my best mate, as best man , we've been mates since we were 4 and were in class together all the way from playschool to college. My other mate who i've been friends with since the first day of secondary school and the lad i used to baby sit he's only about 6 years younger but i've know him since he was 3 he lives 2 doors down from my folks been to every Ireland home game together , i managed his team from under 10's to under 16s and i'd kinda think of him as a little brother. kinda hard for any of the rest of the lads to argue with that some did and my aunt did but i choose based on who i had the most history with.

My Fiance has gotten talked into having my sister and shes not really happy about it , like me and her don't really get on and shes not into the whole wedding girly girl thing like , she dosn't wear make up or heel tan etc bit of a tomboy,. But now shes kinda of annoying my OH cause shes not mad on going on the hen and dost want to sty in the hotel the night before and get ready with the rest of the bridal party etc so i know my OH is regretting asking . Don't end up like that choose who you want , feel closest too have the most history with etc

Have a good think about it ,once you properly think about it you should be able to pick out a few stand outs from your group of mates.

Plankton1

Glad I'm not the only one! The girls have asked me a few times half jokingly 'oh who makes the cut' but I know they're not really joking.....all these pairs of eyes on me waiting for an answer expectantly while I'm like ehhhhh I don't know yet!

Do the bridesmaids really do that much work? I would like to think I will do most of the planning and DIY myself. Is their role mostly for on the day?

stargazer 68

I have three and they have done absolutely nothing - now in fairness I haven't asked them to do anything but what do people get them to do? There was someone on here or another site saying that her BM was getting fed up with all her jobs! No idea what jobs!

Faith

I had 4 bridesmaids, all friends because I have no sisters or close female relations. It was a little tough because there's technically a group of 4 of us who have been friends since school, but I rarely talk to one of them when the others aren't present. I ended up asking the less close friend to do a reading, and the others to be bridesmaids.

ChampagnePop

I was having the same dilemma as you two months ago, I've decided on a maid of honour but not the rest of the bridal party, neither of my sisters are particularly interested.

I'll decide at Christmas, what's the rush!!!!

Gatica

busybride2be wrote: »

On a side note my partners cousin keeps saying how it would be so perfect if she was my bridesmaid as shes close to him...... Even he told me not to even think about it!

oh god, what's a wedding without a bit of family meddling and drama... What's the point if someone's close to someone else, she'd have to be YOUR bridesmaid! on the other hand if he as a groom had her in his party, it may make more sense.

Walter H Price wrote: »

I have one Cousin bout the same age as me , but were not overly close , think he expected to be asked and my Aunt certainly expected me to ask him but wasn't even considered.
...
kinda hard for any of the rest of the lads to argue with that some did and my aunt did but i choose based on who i had the most history with.

My Fiance has gotten talked into having my sister and shes not really happy about it , like me and her don't really get on and shes not into the whole wedding girly girl thing like , she dosn't wear make up or heel tan etc bit of a tomboy,. But now shes kinda of annoying my OH cause shes not mad on going on the hen and dost want to sty in the hotel the night before and get ready with the rest of the bridal party etc so i know my OH is regretting asking .

agh, again, that's so annoying. Well done for standing your ground about your cousin. Why would an aunt get her nose out of joint over you and her son when you're not close?! Some people are really hard to get...

Gatica

Plankton1 wrote: »

Glad I'm not the only one! The girls have asked me a few times half jokingly 'oh who makes the cut' but I know they're not really joking.....all these pairs of eyes on me waiting for an answer expectantly while I'm like ehhhhh I don't know yet!

Do the bridesmaids really do that much work? I would like to think I will do most of the planning and DIY myself. Is their role mostly for on the day?

I know what you mean, and it's hard in a close-knit group of friends. Is there no one you can pick from outside the friends group? a relative that's fairly organised?

Personally I don't get the jobs thing either. My bridesmaid gave opinion on a few things I'd picked, but I certainly didn't make her research bands, cake or flowers. She also lives abroad. I organised almost everything myself. My SIL was a great help with the hen as she's local and her and my BM did a great job with the little things for the hen though I researched and picked the venue.

Mrs OBumble

Assign numbers to them, and roll dice to choose. (with 9 candidates, you may have to do some fancy stuff with two dice if you want it truly random).

Or pick the prettiest ones, because they'll look best in the photos.

Or the ugliest ones, because they'll make you look best in the photos.

Or the group of three (whatever) who will all look good with the same dress / hair / makeup.

Or the ones who you think will be best at organising stuff for you.

Or just have all nine!

ChampagnePop

Its a good idea to think about what you expect from your bridesmaids and see who fits the bill.

There are a lot of threads here complaining about for example BMs being asked to wear the same dress and shoes - if them dressing the same etc is something you'd expect then make sure your BMs are happy and willing to do it.

I will probably end up choosing;

1. MOH who will be there for support
2. Family member who will do nothing but arrive wearing the dress
3. Friend who loves organising / dancing / socalising; to help out with hen and get the band DJ buzz going

All three I know already don't mind dressing in standard BM dresses so that's not an issue.

Walter H Price

Gatica wrote: »

agh, again, that's so annoying. Well done for standing your ground about your cousin. Why would an aunt get her nose out of joint over you and her son when you're not close?! Some people are really hard to get...

I don't know shes a nice person in general but wedding do strange things to people , i think she had just assumed that because id no brothers and only 1 male cousin and hes only a year younger than me that i would ask him, but like i said were not really a close family so saw him 3 or 4 times a year as a kid like birthdays and Christmas and since we've both gotten older have our own jobs , places and partners i havn't really seen him at all for like 18 months.

People are just so funny with this stuff , like why my other aunt wanted my sister to be bridesmaid when its so clearly not her thing at all kinda phased us both a little too.

One piece of advice for the OP make your decision based on want you want only , from what we've learned the old adage of you cant please all of the people all of the time is 1000% true with wedding everything you decide to do will annoy someone some how , but its your big day at the end of it so FCUK em :P

King of Kings

Walter H Price wrote: »

I don't know shes a nice person in general but wedding do strange things to people , i think she had just assumed that because id no brothers and only 1 male cousin and hes only a year younger than me that i would ask him, but like i said were not really a close family so saw him 3 or 4 times a year as a kid like birthdays and Christmas and since we've both gotten older have our own jobs , places and partners i havn't really seen him at all for like 18 months.

People are just so funny with this stuff , like why my other aunt wanted my sister to be bridesmaid when its so clearly not her thing at all kinda phased us both a little too.

One piece of advice for the OP make your decision based on want you want only , from what we've learned the old adage of you cant please all of the people all of the time is 1000% true with wedding everything you decide to do will annoy someone some how , but its your big day at the end of it so FCUK em :P

my mate asked me to be best mate and then his mother hounded him into un-asking me for his older brother. even though they weren't close.

families can be weird.

i'm getting married and she has 1 bridesmaid and I'm asking nobody to be best or grooms man. just the way it's panned out it's extra hassle I don't want to invite on myself. Just do what you want.

Toots

Mrs OBumble, helpful replies only please.