Contacting ex

jus_tin4

So to keep things as short as possible but as detailed as I can.

About a year ago my ex broke up with me. I took it really bad and just in truth was all over the place(father past away, alot of fighting in family, and alot of responsibility fell to me). In truth I needed to be on my own and just make decision for me and to be not worrying about the impact of those decisions. But thankfully im in a better place now.

However, it really doesnt feel right without my ex... I thought a year on I would be okay with it. But the my feelings, still feel there. I have seen her on a few rare occasions(maybe twice) and the feelings just rush back to me..

she blocked me on the all the usual but i would love to contact her. I know that there is no point thinking something will happen, but its just to try rid these feelings...I have been pretty much frigid(Apologies if this term causes offence but i really dont know how else to put it) since the break up.

anyways thanks for any advice anyone can give me..

idnkph

She blocked you on everything? Think you need to accept that and move on.
When things in your life get tough your partner is the one person you should be turning to not turning away.

njs030

If she's blocked you on everything you need to accept she doesn't want to speak to you and let it go. What she wants is just as valid as what you want and on this occasion it's very clear, what would you say if she did speak to you?

retro:electro

She broke up with you and subsequently blocked you on all social media. I'm sorry but I don't see what there could be to rectify here?
You sound like you are in a better place now than you were back then, that's great. Focus on yourself now and move on.

crabbysamwich

Not to sound harsh but if I had blocked somebody on all social medias and they still got in contact with me somehow, I would be pretty annoyed and frustrated. It would just push me further away if that's even possible.

As others have said, you need to focus on yourself and let it go.

Ursus Horribilis

What's worth bearing in mind here is that she hasn't made contact with you at all in the meantime. Why do you think that is?

jus_tin4

OP here,

In terms of rectifying, tbh I don't think i want to fix anything in terms of the situation now. Even if it was there was something to return to, I, for myself, don't think I can. Im not ready for a relationship.And quite honestly, I'm a shy person so my guard is generally up.

I guess I just want to see if my feelings are just me holding onto something when my life was sort of normal. I could be just looking at that time and thinking my family was still whole, I was doing what I wanted etc. For up to I would say 2 1/2 3 years with her everything was good. So I guess to cut this short. Im wondering do I still have feelings for her because of the part of my life she was in, or was it more.And I understand it may sound I guess immature to a degree but I guess thats my thought process on it....

Thanks for all the comments so far. This was for me to air out the idea. Its been something i have thought about for awhile, I guess i just sat on the idea to see if it was just a slight relapse or something i felt i needed to do.

Im not sure why I haven't let this go. My father died 1 1/2 years ago and Im okay with that. I miss him but i guess I didn't want him to suffer anymore than he did so there is something to take from that. Maybe I should look at her choice(this sounds more negative than i mean it to be) like that to

ast245543

jus_tin4 wrote: »

OP here,

In terms of rectifying, tbh I don't think i want to fix anything in terms of the situation now. Even if it was there was something to return to, I, for myself, don't think I can. Im not ready for a relationship.And quite honestly, I'm a shy person so my guard is generally up.

I guess I just want to see if my feelings are just me holding onto something when my life was sort of normal. I could be just looking at that time and thinking my family was still whole, I was doing what I wanted etc. For up to I would say 2 1/2 3 years with her everything was good. So I guess to cut this short. Im wondering do I still have feelings for her because of the part of my life she was in, or was it more.And I understand it may sound I guess immature to a degree but I guess thats my thought process on it....

Thanks for all the comments so far. This was for me to air out the idea. Its been something i have thought about for awhile, I guess i just sat on the idea to see if it was just a slight relapse or something i felt i needed to do.

Im not sure why I haven't let this go. My father died 1 1/2 years ago and Im okay with that. I miss him but i guess I didn't want him to suffer anymore than he did so there is something to take from that. Maybe I should look at her choice(this sounds more negative than i mean it to be) like that to

It's possible that it is just nostalgia from what you see as a happier time in your life. From what I can tell, it's better to keep trying to move on. Remember that you can make yourself happy

Realt Dearg Sec

jus_tin4 wrote: »

OP here,

In terms of rectifying, tbh I don't think i want to fix anything in terms of the situation now. Even if it was there was something to return to, I, for myself, don't think I can. Im not ready for a relationship.And quite honestly, I'm a shy person so my guard is generally up.

I guess I just want to see if my feelings are just me holding onto something when my life was sort of normal. I could be just looking at that time and thinking my family was still whole, I was doing what I wanted etc. For up to I would say 2 1/2 3 years with her everything was good. So I guess to cut this short. Im wondering do I still have feelings for her because of the part of my life she was in, or was it more.And I understand it may sound I guess immature to a degree but I guess thats my thought process on it....

Thanks for all the comments so far. This was for me to air out the idea. Its been something i have thought about for awhile, I guess i just sat on the idea to see if it was just a slight relapse or something i felt i needed to do.

Im not sure why I haven't let this go. My father died 1 1/2 years ago and Im okay with that. I miss him but i guess I didn't want him to suffer anymore than he did so there is something to take from that. Maybe I should look at her choice(this sounds more negative than i mean it to be) like that to

So, on the one hand, you have someone who blocked their ex from everything on social media. On the other you have someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship. Am I missing something? You had the craic in the past, and you moved on. It's done. Not to sound harsh, but that's the reality, everything else is just nostalgia. You'll be grand, in a year you'll wonder what the problem was to begin with. Probably all the other bad things in your life are making you pine for the reassurance or stability of that relationship, but really it's extraneous to all that. You've had a bad time, trying to rekindle the old flame isn't going make that stuff easier, although clearly that's what you're hoping it would do. Whatever it requires, just move on. Plenty more blah blah blah, you know yourself.

KikiDee

Hey OP,

Me and my ex agreed to not contact each other at all. And it's hard. However, the couple of times we have had contact (about the house/credit cards/saving accounts etc), it was harder. Each time I think about contacting him at all (you know those moments you have when you look at a relationship with rose tinted glasses?), I remember the pain I feel when I look at the way we communicate now. Our relationship disintegrated into messages consisting of 'K' and 'Yea' or 'No bother'. As she's blocked you on everything, I doubt you'll even get a response. Are you prepared for that? Think about how that might hurt you.

jus_tin4

Hi again,

Maybe I am confused, I don't know! I guess maybe there is guilt on my behalf for what happened! I remember when my dad became ill saying it wasn't going to be easy or straight forward from here. Guess I had a premonition about what was going to happen in regards to me having to taking the brunt of arguments within my family( this is were the family problems were). Anyways, I guess sorta didn't want her to experience this side of me while I figured myself out.

I guess this all came about because its a year on, I have sorted my life out to a degree. In a job thats pretty okay, am a pretty active person and enjoying life the best I can. But that little niggle is just there and I guess this is where this all came from.

Thanks again for all the advice.

PressRun

I absolutely wouldn't contact her. It's been a year. A lot of things could have changed for her in that time. She might even be with someone else. In any case, the fact that she's blocked you on everything is as strong a message as she can give you that she isn't interested in keeping channels of communication open. I think you should respect that rather than hunting for closure or trying to feed some nostalgic sentiment.

Strong Life in Dublin

I was in your position over a year ago, I just couldn't get over a girl and made it worse by constantly messaging her etc

But I have since found a wonderful girl and we have been dating a year this August. Trust me its better to just move on and find someone else

Ursus Horribilis

You only "think" you're confused? To be honest, you are coming across as someone who's still in a mess and blundering around in the dark. Unfortunately for you, the way you chose to deal with your family problems was so poor, it pushed away your girlfriend. I doubt she made the decision to break up with you lightly - it was probably a sustained period of misery for her. No matter what you do from now, you cannot turn the clock back. She learned things about you in that time which will forever colour how she sees you. For all you know, she has moved on and is with someone else. Even if she isn't, what do you have to offer her as a potential boyfriend? You seem to be looking at her as a crutch so that you can sort your head. That's not terribly fair, is it?

jus_tin4

Odus fell down wrote: »

You only "think" you're confused? To be honest, you are coming across as someone who's still in a mess and blundering around in the dark. Unfortunately for you, the way you chose to deal with your family problems was so poor, it pushed away your girlfriend. I doubt she made the decision to break up with you lightly - it was probably a sustained period of misery for her. No matter what you do from now, you cannot turn the clock back. She learned things about you in that time which will forever colour how she sees you. For all you know, she has moved on and is with someone else. Even if she isn't, what do you have to offer her as a potential boyfriend? You seem to be looking at her as a crutch so that you can sort your head. That's not terribly fair, is it?

em I dono think I have said i want a relationship,not a romantic one anyways.For me, it was about I guess, building a bridge, making the first step in apologising for some of the things that happened, After all she is a person i still care deep about whether I know anything about her life now or not.

I would take full to most of responsibility for the post break up situation. But to make comments on my family, it was the situation I was dealt and I was dealing with it as honestly as I could. So please don't judge that,I guess after (I'm not sure of the exact time) but 2/3 years together i thought someone would understand the situation I was in, seen as I was honest about it with this person. Hell, maybe I was too honest. But Im not sorry for that. At the end it your opinion and that okay.

Thanks for all the comments, a lot of food for thought.