In a situation

LegacyUser

Hi all

So was just on my way home from work and I seen a boy walking home from school and it was starting to rain, so I said I would stop and offer a lift. So I stopped and he ran back the road. I turned the car and he was in what I'd assume was his dads car. So I stopped and the dad says "Are you lost?" I said, "No I was only offering him a lift as it was starting to rain" He said "He doesn't need a lift." I apologised explained how I was only trying to do something nice and went on my way.

I would never do harm to anyone, It was a genuine lift I was offering and only that. I'm disappointed what has come out of this situation and what someone else assumed I was.

What should I do?

Eric Cartman

to be honest mate, I wouldn't be offering kids lifts, they are quite rightly told not to get in cars with strangers. I wouldnt do that again, as much as you are trying to help. The kid reacted as we would all like kids to react. I think your lucky the guards haven't called up to you.

Meauldsegosha

It's bad enough you offered a lift to a kid you didn't know but you also followed him down the road. You should thank your lucky stars the dad didn't get out of his car and punch you.

eviltwin

How on earth did you think offering a child you don't know a lift would go down well. Your intentions were decent but how was the boy or his dad to know.

LegacyUser

eviltwin wrote: »

How on earth did you think offering a child you don't know a lift would go down well. Your intentions were decent but how was the boy or his dad to know.

I kinda do know them. They are people who keep to them selves.. They live like 2 or 3 miles from my house...

Do ye rekon, I should go to the guards and explain this?

LegacyUser

from when I was about 10 I've been taking lifts from people and hitch hiking.

I would often thumb into the local town which was 30 miles away. The longest I've hitched a lift was when I was 12 headed about 60 miles and 60 miles home that evening.

Never in my life had had issue...

Also Iv'e also offered people lifts when it was raining. Sometimes go a "no thanks" others accepted the lift.

Eric Cartman

Mechanic12433134321333212 wrote: »

from when I was about 10 I've been taking lifts from people and hitch hiking.

I would often thumb into the local town which was 30 miles away. The longest I've hitched a lift was when I was 12 headed about 60 miles and 60 miles home that evening.

Never in my life had had issue...

Also Iv'e also offered people lifts when it was raining. Sometimes go a "no thanks" others accepted the lift.

thats fair enough, but these are different times mate. I would leave it completely for now , and not offer again. An adult would probably be alright to approach, but I wouldn't offer a kid a lift again.

LegacyUser

Eric Cartman wrote: »

thats fair enough, but these are different times mate. I would leave it completely for now , and not offer again. An adult would probably be alright to approach, but I wouldn't offer a kid a lift again.

I see. I am finished with offering lifts for good now... This situation has really disappointed me. Not because I was afraid of being approached by the garda (as Iv'e nothing to hide, never even got a speeding fine and never been in trouble with the law what so ever..). But more so just someone assuming I'm something which I'm not.....


But do you think I should go and make a statement in the local garda station?

Eric Cartman

Mechanic12433134321333212 wrote: »

I see. I am finished with offering lifts for good now... This situation has really disappointed me. Not because I was afraid of being approached by the garda (as Iv'e nothing to hide, never even got a speeding fine and never been in trouble with the law what so ever..). But more so just someone assuming I'm something which I'm not.....


But do you think I should go and make a statement in the local garda station?

no mate. if the kids parents haven't said anything, it'll only put you in the gardas crosshairs to observe.

I agree, it is a sad situation, obviously 99% of people are not paedo's and kidnappers, but sadly the media hysteria and the prominent cases in the last few decades really have people on edge.

milehip

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

It's bad enough you offered a lift to a kid you didn't know but you also followed him down the road. You should thank your lucky stars the dad didn't get out of his car and punch you.

If he had done that, that would be the dad up for assault presto problem solved.

For the next few weeks OP keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel
Seriously no rubbernecking at anyone walking or eye contact with anyone.

LegacyUser

Eric Cartman wrote: »

no mate. if the kids parents haven't said anything, it'll only put you in the gardas crosshairs to observe.

I agree, it is a sad situation, obviously 99% of people are not paedo's and kidnappers, but sadly the media hysteria and the prominent cases in the last few decades really have people on edge.

Ya, it's just this has been annoying me since it has happened... It's starting to eat away at me. Can't think of anything else apart from this stupid mistake I've made.

jimmycrackcorm

milehip wrote:

If he had done that, that would be the dad up for assault presto problem solved.

And in court the OP would have to defend that he wasn't a paedophile chasing a child to get him into his car.

Dr Turk Turkelton

milehip wrote: »

If he had done that, that would be the dad up for assault presto problem solved.

For the next few weeks OP keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel
Seriously no rubbernecking at anyone walking or eye contact with anyone.

The dad up for assault? Have you just recently been teleported to this planet.
He would by now be hailed a hero by a jury of his Facebook peers and the ops house would probably be a mound of ashes.
Seriously op how did it ever cross your mind that this was a good idea. I know you have said your intentions were good but look at how they could be construed.
As another poster said the fact you followed him made it even worse, in fact the only way you could have topped that was by telling the kid you had sweets for him if he got in.
Hopefully this works out for you as it seems like you were being genuine but I don't know how you can explain it if your approached again by the parent.

setanta1984

Why on earth did you turn the car around and go after him when he ran away?? To any onlooker that is sinister and defies logic.

To be honest if I was the father and witnessed that I would have been straight to the guards with your reg if I could resist going after you myself. Put yourself in his shoes...

The best you can do is try and put it out of your mind and chalk it up as a lesson learned. I think the fact that you are so upset about the whole thing means you know how ill-advised it was.

LegacyUser

Looking back on it now, I see how bad it looks. That's why I was intending to go to the garda station and making a statement.

Meauldsegosha

milehip wrote: »

If he had done that, that would be the dad up for assault presto problem solved.

The fathers solicitor in court: "the defendants son was approached by a stranger and told to get into his car. The frightened child refused and ran away. The stranger turned his car around and followed the child. The defendant terrified for his child's safety punched the assailant."

No problem solved but the OPs rep is in tatters.

Big Bag of Chips

Make a statement about what? Nothing happened. The guards won't take a statement. Just forget it and move on. Nice gesture, but unless the child is very familiar with you he did right not to get in the car. If you happen to see the dad around again, you could mention that you hope you didn't frighten the lad that you recognised him and offered him a lift out of the rain.

You haven't actually done anything wrong, so don't act like you're guilty of something.

Mechanic12433134321333212

Mechanic12433134321333212 wrote: »

Iv'e also offered people lifts when it was raining. Sometimes go a "no thanks" others accepted the lift.

People? Or children? And did you turn your car and follow the ones who said no thanks?

Your behaviour was bizarre, don't do it again.

Dial Hard

Mechanic12433134321333212 wrote: »

Looking back on it now, I see how bad it looks. That's why I was intending to go to the garda station and making a statement.

Seriously, don't do this. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Tbh, I find it a bit odd that this is "eating away at you". You made a stupid, naïve mistake and have learned a valuable lesson. That's it.

KikiDee

OP let it go. You made a mistake by offering a relative stranger (who also happened to be a child) a lift and then following him down the road. No need to go to the Gardai. Just move on and mind who you ya offer lifts to going forward.

chuckles30

I'm a woman & I try to never be alone with children unless their parents have specifically asked me to mind them. It is very sad, but that is the way this world has gone. I do voluntary community work which has probably increased my awareness of this issue. We have had to implement a policy in our community centre that children are not allowed in the centre unless they are accompanied by an adult or attending an organised event, as the centre is normally only manned by 1 person. For all child based activities, two adults need to be present.

I think you've learned this lesson the hard way. Unfortunately being kind can now be very easily misinterpreted. Just move on now.

Rubberchikken

op, please don't do anything more about this.
i'm genuinely surprised that anyone in this day and age would approach a kid, even one that lives reasonably close to them, in a car and offers anything.

going to the gardai is not a good idea either. there's a can of worms there just waiting to be opened.
learn from this and never repeat it no matter how well-intentioned.

selastich2

you offered a lift to a child because it was raining - what's all the talk about going to the gardai and making statements?

People need to cop themselves on if this makes you the local peado now. Maybe the parents need to be charged with child abuse for leaving the child standing in the rain?

SusieBlue

selastich2 wrote: »

you offered a lift to a child because it was raining - what's all the talk about going to the gardai and making statements?

People need to cop themselves on if this makes you the local peado now. Maybe the parents need to be charged with child abuse for leaving the child standing in the rain?

No one is saying it makes him the local paedo. What people are saying is that to the child and his father, who didn't know of the kind intentions of the OP, it looks more sinister.
How would you feel if someone you didn't know offered your child a lift, and when your child rightfully declined, followed them down the road in their car when they run away? It looks awful from a parenting perspective, the stuff of nightmares!

I know that OP was just trying to be helpful but it wasn't a good move and a lot of posters agree with that.

And if you think getting caught in the rain whilst walking home constitutes abusing or neglecting a child, then you must have a very sheltered view of the world. Think of how many children get wet outside every day, do you really think all those parents should be charged? Ridiculous.

selastich2

WhiteRoses wrote: »

No one is saying it makes him the local paedo. What people are saying is that to the child and his father, who didn't know of the kind intentions of the OP, it looks more sinister.
How would you feel if someone you didn't know offered your child a lift, and when your child rightfully declined, followed them down the road in their car when they run away? It looks awful from a parenting perspective, the stuff of nightmares!

I know that OP was just trying to be helpful but it wasn't a good move and a lot of posters agree with that.

And if you think getting caught in the rain whilst walking home constitutes abusing or neglecting a child, then you must have a very sheltered view of the world. Think of how many children get wet outside every day, do you really think all those parents should be charged? Ridiculous.

the op kinda knows them - in his words, they live close by him, so not total strangers are they?

The child didn't decline as far as I can see from the OP. The OP stopped and the child ran back the road

From a parenting perspective, get to know your neighbours and stop freaking your child out about peados being everywhere.

If th child was unsure, yes the child was right to decline,but the father should recogonise his neighbours and be on time to collect his children.

SusieBlue

selastich2 wrote: »

the op kinda knows them - in his words, they live close by him, so not total strangers are they?

The child didn't decline as far as I can see from the OP. The OP stopped and the child ran back the road

From a parenting perspective, get to know your neighbours and stop freaking your child out about peados being everywhere.

If th child was unsure, yes the child was right to decline,but the father should recogonise his neighbours and be on time to collect his children.

I would take the child running back the road as a very clear indication that they were declining the lift.

From a parenting perspective, no one is under any obligation to know their neighbours and whether the family knew their neighbours well or not is neither here nor there.
An awareness not to accept lifts from acquaintances without first clearing it with the parents is very sensible of the child and should not be discouraged.

Whether the father was delayed or not is irrelevant, the child has the right to walk home undisturbed and the OP had no business approaching him twice. From a parenting perspective, not knowing the OPs kind motives, it must have looked awful and that can't be denied.

Stig Inge

Unfortunatly that's the way it is .You were doing a nice thing but look at it from the boy and fathers side/ They didn't know you. Don't beat yourself up over it. Learn from it and only use your kindness on people you know personally in situations like this going forward

milehip

selastich2 wrote: »

you offered a lift to a child because it was raining - what's all the talk about going to the gardai and making statements?

People need to cop themselves on if this makes you the local peado now. Maybe the parents need to be charged with child abuse for leaving the child standing in the rain?

This thread brings Brass Eye padeo hysteria special to mind.

Some posters here seem to have missed the point of the OP's post

In a state of emotional turmoil they asked the question " what should they do?"
and a few of you got up on your judgy high horses with a
' what were you thinking ? - what did you do that- I'd bate you senseless if I was that kids godfather" keyboard warrior attitude.

Once again they asked what should they do not what they should have done.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

People? Or children? And did you turn your car and follow the ones who said no thanks?

Your behaviour was bizarre, don't do it again.

Kinda both, I live in a rural area. So I've always known offering lifts to be a genuine gesture. Of course not... I'd continue on. I suppose I turned my car to apologise for frighting him.

I know, looking back on it now. But at the time I didn't think....

Oh you can bet I won't!

LegacyUser

Update:

Arrived at work this morning and was full on expecting Gards to be waiting for me at work. But arrived no gards at all. Then was expecting them to arrive at some stage of the day. Had to have a glance at every car that pulled up at work... On the way home, was expecting to come to a check point, but none. there was no sing of the boy today either. Was kinda hoping that he would be out, so I could just drive past to show I'm not a concern to him. If that makes sense..

I know people are telling me to get over this and move on, as Iv'e done nothing wrong etc. But I find now I'm looking over my shoulder so to speak, I just can't help it... Also I really don't think this is the end of this for me. As looking from the dads point of view, it didn't look good... That's the reason I'm so stressed out and upset about this. Even though I done nothing. I feel I'm looking over my shoulder also when ever I leave the house.... worried of what may happen.

Also thanks for all the replies, Much appreciated.

Big Bag of Chips

Are you always so anxious? Are there other aspects of your life where you over think things and panic? I think posting on the internet about it probably wasn't the best move because you did get a lot of over the top, outraged responses that only added to your anxiety.

You didn't do anything wrong. If you continue to have these panicked thoughts it might be an idea to go see your GP. At this stage now, you should have forgotten all about it. The boy and the dad have.

Ursus Horribilis

Seeing as you sort of know them and they only live a few miles from your house, this shouldn't be a big issue. They'll probably have a vague idea who you are too, even if they are the sort who keep to themselves. It's not as if you were an anonymous paedo cruising the roads. I don't know much about how those dreadful people operate but they tend to roam in areas that aren't that near their homes. What's also in your favour is that you had an actual conversation with the boy's dad. If you were up to no good you'd have been gone like a shot before he got your details.

I agree with Big Bag of Chips above me. It is concerning that you are so incredibly anxious about this. I can understand why you'd have been upset on the day it happened but it shouldn't be getting to you in this way now.

Pinch Flat

It's sad that our society has come to this, but it's a reality.

I coach a sports club and the organisation sent us on a child protection course. Bottom line is that you never give a child a lift with you in the car on your own unless you have express permission of their parents. The scenario outlined was that even if I drive to the other side of the country on my own (I have my young son with me 99% of the time, but let's say he was sick or something) and I realise a kid is left in their own and I can't contact their parents, I don't bring them home.

milehip

[quote="Pinch Flat;100139050". The scenario outlined was that even if I drive to the other side of the country on my own (I have my young son with me 99% of the time, but let's say he was sick or something) and I realise a kid is left in their own and I can't contact their parents, I don't bring them home.[/quote]

What you just leave them there on their own?? On the other side of the country?

Lady is a tramp

Mechanic12433134321333212 wrote: »

there was no sing of the boy today either. Was kinda hoping that he would be out, so I could just drive past to show I'm not a concern to him. If that makes sense..

No, that makes no sense at all! :eek:

What would you do, drive slowly past just to make sure he sees you ... what would you hope to gain from that? Or would you wave and smile to seem less threatening ... exactly how do you think that would sound to his dad, if he goes home and tells him he was getting more attention from that strange man who offered him a lift.

Just forget about the whole thing. You've done nothing wrong, you're not going to get in trouble ... but do not interact any further with the boy or his family ... and that includes things like making a point of driving past him on the road!!!

chuckles30

milehip wrote: »

What you just leave them there on their own?? On the other side of the country?

Child Protection Guidelines mean that a child should never be in the company of just one adult without the express permission of the parents. Also, all those adults supervising children should be Garda vetted. But leaving a child alone on the other side of the country is obviously wrong and falls into negligence. So in that situation, you would have to try and contact a parent/guardian and get consent.

If you have a situation where you have two adults supervising a children's event, and you're unfortunate enough that something happens one of them and needs to be taken to a doctor/hospital - technically you would need 4 garda vetted adults - two to take the child to the doctor/hospital & two to continue with the activity. It is crazy!!

I know all these guidelines were brought in for very good reasons but it makes it very hard to get people to get involved in organising things involving children. This is now expanding to include vulnerable adults too, as we have had to revise our child protection policy to include vulnerable adults.

Pinch Flat

milehip wrote: »

What you just leave them there on their own?? On the other side of the country?

Yep, unfortunately. :eek: I had a huge row with the person organizing the course, but it is official policy. Youre never on your own with a child in a confined space, particularly a car, without (preferably) written consent of their parents i.e atext message or email.

So lets say a scenario where I have a boy in the back of the car, it's being raining so I offer him my sons tracksuit to change into. His dad collects him and says where did the tracksuit come from? well, mr pinch flat had this in his boot. You can see where it could go.....

Rubberchikken

op i's say highly unlikely anything will happen at this stage.
i realise it's easy to say relax and forget about it and i can tell from your posts you have gotten a fright. but you didn't mean any harm and maybe the dad saw your car and recognised it/maybe th kid recognised you but just didn't want a lift. tonnes of maybes. it could do a body's head in.
try to let it go for your own sake:)

LegacyUser

I do understand your stress a little, but its time to forget it now.

I coached a mini team. And one day after training, one of the kids was left, stranded. 15 mins, 20 mins...an hour rolling on, and the kid was still standing there.

Of all days, I didn't have the contact number of the parent (who couldn't have bothered their arse to turn up).

Anyways, I brought the child home (very innocently of course, without thinking). And, all went fine. BUT, when I mentioned later what had happened, people literally scared the sh*t out of me. In hind sight, I should not have brought that child home (and I'm female BTW). Checks etc would have had to be done for me anyways to be in that position, but for a few days, I was concerned something might be said/happen!

What I learned is (and that's all you can do from your situation), never put yourself in a position where it is only you and a child that you don't really know. No matter what the (good) intention is. You've to remember/protect your own self too.

Taltos

mod note
OK OP out of concern for you I'm closing this thread as I don't believe you are taking on board the advice here, particularly on reading your last update.

I think it might benefit you to talk to your GP or a professional on why you are fixated on this poor choice and more importantly why today you placed your safety and reputation at further risk in stalking this child. I'm using this word intentionally so you can see how it would be viewed by the authorities.

If you cannot move on from this please make an appointment with your GP but at this stage I'm afraid we are all adding unintentionally to whatever is going on and that isn't helping you.

Sorry.
Thread closed.