I hope I dont lose him

whattodo1

Hi I don't know why I'm writing here only that I've noone else to talk to, I met a lovely guy a couple of months ago and hes the sweetest person I've ever known hes good to me and is brilliant with my children.

So what I'm here for is ive told him about my past today and im in tears now wondering have I put him off, long story short I suffered domestic abuse and violence and I escaped 3 years ago with my children.

The only reason I told him is that cases are coming up and i'd told him little bits just not to the extent they are, byt I did today, my ex is hardly around but Im wondering now will this put him off this lovely person that is perfect for me treats me like I'm supposed to be and all I can think of is negative.

So I suppose im wondering has anyone gone through the same experience?

French_Girl

Even if it did put him off and he was to leave, it's not your fault and nothing to do with you.

Your past is in the past, can't be changed or erased.
It's just one of those things...

If anything, he should appreciate you even more for being honest and opening up to him about an issue that's surely not an easy one to talk about.
I think you did a right thing to confess in him since if the relationship was to continue and progress in the future, you'd want your partner/husband to know these things.
It's part of you and what formed you as well.
He needs to understand that.

I'm thinking he might stick around and you'll be happier than ever, OP!

hearmehearye

Well what did he say?


And if he does up sticks and run, he's not as sweet and lovely as you originally thought.


For you to open up to him like that takes a lot of courage, and if he doesn't realize that then you're better off without him.


We can't know what he'll do. You'll have to talk to him yourself and allow yourself to clarify things he might want to know. But well done for opening up. That's a big step.

racso1975

If hes that nice op all will be good!!!

As said above none of it is your fault added to that it does not change the person he has been seeing for the last 3 months. The only thing (and he'd still be a dick if he did) might be that he'd feel that the next few months are gonna be hugely intense emotionally and he does not want that.

But I really think and hope you guys will be fine. There are actually some of us nice guys out there

LegacyUser

If that puts him off, you're well rid.

whattodo1

Thanks everyone yes hes seems like its not bothering weve talked over the phone So I hope its ok face to face now its very easy to tell people things without being beside them.

yes It was very hard as this is my only relationship after what happened 3 years ago so its all new this (sounds terrible) but I dont know what its like to be treated nice so its a new feeling fingers crossed all goes well and i really appretiate the replys.

French_Girl

whattodo1 wrote:

Thanks everyone yes hes seems like its not bothering weve talked over the phone So I hope its ok face to face now its very easy to tell people things without being beside them.

whattodo1 wrote:

yes It was very hard as this is my only relationship after what happened 3 years ago so its all new this (sounds terrible) but I dont know what its like to be treated nice so its a new feeling fingers crossed all goes well and i really appretiate the replys.

You have come a long way and you absolutely deserve to be happy.
Hope your man treats you well and all the best for the future!

leggo

I really, really doubt this is something that would bother him. It's not something that would bother me or any other guy I know, except for hating your ex! If anything, it'll likely bring you two closer as you obviously felt secure enough to be vulnerable with him in telling this. I get how you'd feel that way - it's perfectly normal to worry once we're vulnerable with partners about things from our past we're not happy with - but that doesn't mean that it is something you should worry about.

On a more pressing note: you shouldn't see this as 'baggage' or anything of the sort. You were obviously a victim of a horrible human being and went through an ordeal. You're a strong person for being able to get out of a situation like that, many don't, and should be admired for doing so. It's something that you should be proud of, not feel ashamed of as if it would put good men off.

I don't think there will be a problem here. If anything, your situation has improved now because you'll likely have an understanding and supportive partner going into the court proceedings.