What's wrong with me?

stressed70

Hi,

I would like to know your opinons please
Just having problems dealing with people, like confrontational people,
My boss especially she's a loud type of person, bossy always complaining about someone. I get very tense around people like that they make me cry weather it's to me or about me or about someone else.
I don't know how to deal with someone like that. The others girls just laugh it off, i don't know why i can't. I know i must be a very weak person. I don't want to be like this.
Maybe i am just sensitive but i'm thinking more over sensitive, am i right? No one likes an over sensitive person do they? I would give anything to be like them

I don't know what to do, i try to limit the time i spent with her as much as possible

Penny Tration

Hey op.

Yes, you sound a bit sensitive if someone complaining about other people makes you cry. Are you stressed and upset easily in general, or just in confrontational situations?


Sounds to me as though you need to learn to be assertive. To be assertive, you need confidence. Do you have confidence?

If you don't, it's something you can work on with self help techniques or the help of a counsellor.


That said, there's nothing at all wrong with being sensitive, but how we deal with it is important. Obviously crying in work isn't gonna look very professional, so look for other outlets. a rubber band on your wrist you can snap in stressful situations, some breathing exercises, things that'll calm you. For me, I subconsciously pull on my earlobe if I'm uncomfortable :pac:


Don't worry too much though. You're not unusual. nobody LIKES confrontation, it's just how we deal with it that's important.

stressed70

Thanks for your advice Penny. No i definitely don't have any confidence unfortunately.
I haven't actually cried in front of people thank god. If she gives out to me i keep replaying it over & over in my head.
My throat tightens up now everytime i see her. Your right i need to find a way to deal with it. I cannot afford counseling.

Ursus Horribilis

How long are you working where you are? It looks like this boss of yours has well and truly got into your head. If you can find another job, a change of scene might help a lot.

stressed70

Thanks 'Odus fell down' but it's not an option. Honestly i don't want to go anyway i really like the job. Plus i get on well with the other people.

I keep telling myself to grow up & be strong, it's not working.

I just feel pathetic

Penny Tration

Berating yourself is going to make you worse, not better. Think of it this way - if your friend was getting easily upset and struggling to deal with confrontation, would you tell them to grow up and deal with it? I'm sure you wouldn't, so why is it okay to say that to yourself? It's not!


You mention not being able to afford counselling. Have you searched for low cost options? I don't know where you are, but there are many low cost options available. My last therapist cost €10 per session. It was based on what you could afford, and if you couldn't afford anything, not even a fiver, they'd treat you anyway.


It's something worth looking into because you'll find as your confidence improves, your ability to deal with confrontation and being assertive will improve, too.

But stop berating yourself. You wouldn't be mean to other people, so stop being mean to yourself! Be motivational. Instead of "grow up, be strong," say "Okay, take some deep breaths, you can't control how she/he acts, you've done nothing wrong, everything is fine, let her/him have a rant and everything will go back to normal." treat yourself as you'd treat a friend.

stressed70

Thanks Penny. You made some good points, I will take them on board.
Yes I have looked into counseling there's nothing for the sort of price around me.
I will try my best to find other ways of dealing with this issue.
I can't just take time off even though I feel like it I know it won't help in the long run.

Penny Tration wrote: »

Berating yourself is going to make you worse, not better. Think of it this way - if your friend was getting easily upset and struggling to deal with confrontation, would you tell them to grow up and deal with it? I'm sure you wouldn't, so why is it okay to say that to yourself? It's not!


You mention not being able to afford counselling. Have you searched for low cost options? I don't know where you are, but there are many low cost options available. My last therapist cost €10 per session. It was based on what you could afford, and if you couldn't afford anything, not even a fiver, they'd treat you anyway.


It's something worth looking into because you'll find as your confidence improves, your ability to deal with confrontation and being assertive will improve, too.

But stop berating yourself. You wouldn't be mean to other people, so stop being mean to yourself! Be motivational. Instead of "grow up, be strong," say "Okay, take some deep breaths, you can't control how she/he acts, you've done nothing wrong, everything is fine, let her/him have a rant and everything will go back to normal." treat yourself as you'd treat a friend.

gercoral

Hi Op,
if you don't mind me asking, how were you in school? Did you ever have trouble taking orders from teachers? you sound a little like me...somewhat socially anxious...
does your job involve working with members of general public?

French_Girl

I think you've nailed it, Gercoral.
I was just about to post that there might be an anxiety issue here.

OP mentioned throat tightening feelings and that she seems to rethink certain situations a lot.

All the best to you, OP!

Whispered

OP, if you are over 18 AWARE run a lifeskills course, it's free and I found it wonderful for social anxiety and also for changing the tape in my head that tells me I'm not good enough, stupid, can't do anything right etc. Seems like you're very hard on yourself too. You're not pathetic and you don't need to "grow up", you just need to learn coping strategies. There is nothing wrong with needing to learn these things, it doesn't make you weak or anything like it.

Here are the course details.

http://www.aware.ie/life-skills-group-programme/

December2012

Can your gp refer you to any free services?

stressed70

Yes I think i have got social anxiety but it's actually worse with some people than others. I was bullied at school & by family members. Doc did mention CBT But i can't face at the moment, i know i should

JuliusCaesar

You could try an assertiveness course. Assertiveness is a skill training course - it's a skill a lot of people don't pick up in life. It can make a huge difference to your self-confidence as you learn how best to handle situations.

Like any course, you'll learn most over a longer duration with time to practice between times, so that you can ask questions at the next session. I would always say an 8 week course is much better than a 2 day one, mainly because of that - even if the number of hours tot up at the same.

thegreatgonzo

Penny Tration wrote: »

My last therapist cost €10 per session. It was based on what you could afford, and if you couldn't afford anything, not even a fiver, they'd treat you anyway.

That sounds like the one my friend has used. She can't praise them enough. I think they are in several locations around the country now.

Penny Tration

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

That sounds like the one my friend has used. She can't praise them enough. I think they are in several locations around the country now.

The one I used was called target. they were actually better than some private ones I paid a fortune to see!

stressed70

I've never heard of target, i'd say i would have if they were around my area (connacht) Assertiveness course sounds good again, don't think there's any around.

Penny Tration

http://www.pcicollege.ie/counselling-service/lowcostcounselling


A quick Google brought this place up. based in clondalkin but they do counselling in mayo, Longford, limerick and more places. 10-25 euro per session based on your income.

Might be worth emailing them!

stressed70

Thanks Penny, email send fingers crossed