School not seen to be responding to bullying.

pooch90

Hi Boardsies

I've been trying to advise a friend on an issue with her son.

He has been targeted repeatedly by an older boy for months. The older boy has repeated punched and kicked him, knocked him to the ground etc. Not your normal primary school stuff but vicious attacks. Yesterday, the other child left their yard and ran at friend's child with his head down and smacked heads with him, knocking him to the ground where he then hit the back of his head as well. He was given an ice pack and just at home time he started to vomit. He was sent home on the bus and his mother was called as he was on the bus. It was suggested the child had the vomiting bug!? Long story short-he has concussion and has to be taken out of all contact sports for 2 weeks.
The mother in question has been in for meetings repeatedly and basically told that there's very little they can do as the other boy's parents don't care and won't discipline him and school are advocating the younger boy defending himself. It's happening outside of school too and the offender's siblings have started targeting other children in their family too.

So, I've told her to request a copy of the bullying policy, the code of behaviour, the incident report from yesterday (I know in my school we would ring immediately if there was a head injury-he had a swelling under his eyebrow) and to see about following the steps in the complaints procedure. Should there be a policy for accidents too?

I normally would be firmly in a school's corner for things like this but it has really gone way too far and someone is going to end up seriously hurt.

Delphinium

Time to get legal with school. I would be talking to a solicitor. Playground supervision is not up to standard. They should know the child is vulnerable and the bully should at least be under observation. Concussion is serious and the school has a duty of care to the child.

Renegade Mechanic

This is why it saddens me whenever someone tries to argue that bullying isn't a problem and if it happens, it can be dealt with. They don't realise that the school's hands are tied with regards to what they can do, outside of a lengthy process of telling the kid not to do it, verbal warnings, written warnings and suspension - which almost never happens in primary.

Probably the last option would be to go legal. Even then that's if the parent can afford it. If not, then I don't know

Moonbeam

If all avenues with the school are used up I would report the incidents to the Gardaí and discuss it with the community Garda .

wiz569

Had a similar scenario with our Daughter years ago,but the school were wonderful in our case,vice principal supervised break time and morning lineups and the bullies gave up/moved on,

I would also inform the Board of Management,was advised this by school principle at the time,I think they have more power to act,didnt need to in the end though.

byhookorbycrook

The school wants him to stand up for himself. how?

pooch90

There have been a few times where he has hit back and he has been told there would be no repercussions as he was defending himself and basically praised him for it. The parents don't want to make trouble or look at going down the legal route, they just want their children to feel safe in school. However, they are being given no reassurances and are feeling very at sea.
From what I know of the school, it has always been a very good school with nice kids and a good reputation, now that this group of families has joined the school I don't think they know what to do. Unfortunately, it's not just this one boy gettnig grief from them, I know quite a few parents and they have similar stories.

Hesthea

Bullying is never something simple or that can be easily taken care of.
Many times the problem comes from the home of the bully itself: parents who don't care, parents who behave like bullies and so on.

The best advice i can give besides all those already given is for the mother to take action: talk with the kid that is bullying her children, talk with his parents. Make use of the social media by exposing whats happening to her child in that school. Make herself be heard.

If her child is alone with the bully, tell to him walk away to the nearest adult or call attention to himself.
Tell him that he is not at fault and that he does not have to take it silently.

The school told him to stand up for himself? No worries. Tell him to kick the bully in the groin, hard! Poke him in the eye and lets see what the school will say after that.

The best tactic sometimes is to take action.

I always tell my kid to tell the teachers if anything happens and when she gets home to let me know too. There is nothing worse than being in the dark regarding our children safety.

Here is a link about Bullying and what we should do:

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-child-is-being-bullied-what-should-i-do/

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/is-your-child-being-bullied-9-steps-you-can-take-as-a-parent/#ixzz3ZCSBgPAq

happywithlife

Never been in this position but I would think it's gone beyond what school can deal with. There's 2 issues that I see.
First the bullying - I think it's a solicitor letter to bom at this stage asking what steps exactly will be taken immediately (not next year) to ensure the safety of the child involved.
Second is the concussion - I'd be beyond furious that they left him home on the bus after vomiting after a bang on his head - this is extremely serious and needs to be raised - I'd forward a copy of doctors report along with literature on the dangers of concussion and best practice to follow on suspected cases of concussion to not only the school but also the bom
Document absolutely everything and everyone incident going forward and Bury the school with a paper trail if complaints - they'll need that to either get the bully the help he obviously needs or to suspend / expel him

beauf

I think I would want that incident brought up with the parents committee in the school. That's a terrible way for any adult never mind a school to deal with a concussion injury. That its happening outside of school I think you'd have to take it further.

byhookorbycrook

Hesthea wrote: »

The best advice i can give besides all those already given is for the mother to take action: talk with the kid that is bullying her children, talk with his parents. Make use of the social media by exposing whats happening to her child in that school. Make herself be heard.

I really strongly suggest not approaching the child or the parent in the school context. Social media is a two edged sword too.

huskerdu

The parents definitely need to be making formal written complaints to the BOM of the school.

The school has obligations to follow up on bullying complaints and the parents should make sure they are well informed on DoE policy on bullying. This will help if they are being fobbed off.

It is hard work on a school who are finding it hard to deal with a problem student with uncooperative parents but it si simply not good enough to claim that they cant do anything.

I would advise looking at the website of the National Parents council and ring their helpline for more advice.

http://www.npc.ie/support.aspx?contentid=57

huskerdu

Hesthea wrote: »

Bullying is never something simple or that can be easily taken care of.
Many times the problem comes from the home of the bully itself: parents who don't care, parents who behave like bullies and so on.

The best advice i can give besides all those already given is for the mother to take action: talk with the kid that is bullying her children, talk with his parents. Make use of the social media by exposing whats happening to her child in that school. Make herself be heard.

If her child is alone with the bully, tell to him walk away to the nearest adult or call attention to himself.
Tell him that he is not at fault and that he does not have to take it silently.

The school told him to stand up for himself? No worries. Tell him to kick the bully in the groin, hard! Poke him in the eye and lets see what the school will say after that.

The best tactic sometimes is to take action.

I always tell my kid to tell the teachers if anything happens and when she gets home to let me know too. There is nothing worse than being in the dark regarding our children safety.

Here is a link about Bullying and what we should do:

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-child-is-being-bullied-what-should-i-do/

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/is-your-child-being-bullied-9-steps-you-can-take-as-a-parent/#ixzz3ZCSBgPAq

I fundamentally disagree with the concept of teaching your children that the way to cope with violence is to respond with further violence.

At a practical level if the other kid is older and rougher, it is likely to end in your child being hurt even more.

Walter H Price

To be honest i'd be going in bawling the principle out of it and then going to the Gards to report yesterdays incident as an assault as well as making a formal complaint to the department of education about the schools failure to act.

byhookorbycrook

Walter H Price wrote: »

To be honest i'd be going in bawling the principle out of it and then going to the Gards to report yesterdays incident as an assault as well as making a formal complaint to the department of education about the schools failure to act.

The principal would be with in their rights to tell you to leave and refuse to engage with you any further.

The DES will simply refer the complaint back to the school.

Huskerdhu has the correct idea .

Lackey

write down everything in detail include dates if possible
Wrote down what action parents have already taken and response from teachers so far
Send it to the Board of Management and give them a date where you want a reply of what plan they will implement to stop this situation
They have a duty of care to the children
Telling the child to stand up for himself is like telling them to stand up to Connor mc Gregor if he were to attack one of them

Car99

So basically the school is telling you there is nothing they can do about bullying . Suspension / expulsion if the parents don't care. Society is in big trouble if there is nothing they can do.

2RockMountain

beauf wrote: »

I think I would want that incident brought up with the parents committee in the school. That's a terrible way for any adult never mind a school to deal with a concussion injury. That its happening outside of school I think you'd have to take it further.

Parents Associations have no role in dealing with individual issues like this. Take it to the BoM (which does include two parents nominees).

beauf

I think the parents would want to know the school does not know how to deal with concussion.

2RockMountain

beauf wrote: »

I think the parents would want to know the school does not know how to deal with concussion.

There are two sides to every story, and any Parents Association worth its salt would not rush to judgement on something like this. This is an individual issue between a parent and the school. If that parent wants to inform other parents about something the school has done, they can stand at the gate handing out flyers to all, and they will bear full legal responsibility for anything they put on the flyer.

Big Bag of Chips

Parents Associations are nothing more than fundraising committees. They can bring things to the attention of The Principal, you might even find one where the chairperson will accompany you to a meeting with the principal (although I doubt it) but they have zero authority on anything to do with policy or procedure in the school.

A complaint to the BOM is the next step. Although be aware that the secretary of the BOM is the principal!!

byhookorbycrook

The chairperson of the PA has no role in this. Ask to meet with the principal and go through the anti-bullying policy together, agree on actions and a time frame. Next step is the BOM.

Carr99, it's almost impossible to expel a child these days.

beauf

Its seems the process is more important, even though that process is known to be powerless (or unwilling).

Considering this is concussion.

sandra06

wow that is dreadfull ,my child was been bullied in school nothing like poster child ,got no help from school,, personelly i go to police this behavour is gbh ,,in the end i changed schools the school she goes to now does not tolerate any type of bulling one child cursed at teacher and was expelled for a week ,,best of luck poster maybe look into moving schools or threten to might get school to do something

ted1

pooch90 wrote: »

Hi Boardsies

I've been trying to advise a friend on an issue with her son.

He has been targeted repeatedly by an older boy for months. The older boy has repeated punched and kicked him, knocked him to the ground etc. Not your normal primary school stuff but vicious attacks. Yesterday, the other child left their yard and ran at friend's child with his head down and smacked heads with him, knocking him to the ground where he then hit the back of his head as well. He was given an ice pack and just at home time he started to vomit. He was sent home on the bus and his mother was called as he was on the bus. It was suggested the child had the vomiting bug!? Long story short-he has concussion and has to be taken out of all contact sports for 2 weeks.
The mother in question has been in for meetings repeatedly and basically told that there's very little they can do as the other boy's parents don't care and won't discipline him and school are advocating the younger boy defending himself. It's happening outside of school too and the offender's siblings have started targeting other children in their family too.

So, I've told her to request a copy of the bullying policy, the code of behaviour, the incident report from yesterday (I know in my school we would ring immediately if there was a head injury-he had a swelling under his eyebrow) and to see about following the steps in the complaints procedure. Should there be a policy for accidents too?

I normally would be firmly in a school's corner for things like this but it has really gone way too far and someone is going to end up seriously hurt.

Report the assault to the guards.

pooch90

Thank you for all the advice, sorry for not getting back before now.
Friend is pulling the kids out of the school altogether.
The bully in question is part of a large extended family that would be well feared in the town IFKWIM. The principal is retiring this summer so I doubt my friend would get any satisfaction at this stage.