Illusory Superiority

A person I'm working with (temporarily, tf) is extremely able and well informed about anything you can think of, and would have no problem doing my and others jobs as well as his own, and doing them better. So he says.

In reality he hasn't much of a clue and the constant need for diplomacy is wearing me down. There are major cultural differences to be considered, I can't just call him out and expect it to end well.

He seems to have a case of Illusory Superiority - also called Superiority Bias or Above Average Effect - where someone thinks they're much more capable/informed/intelligent/skilled than other people, based only on their own assessment of themselves.

I'm all too well aware of my own, many, shortcomings btw, but sure life's a journey and I'll improve as I go along.

Have you ever had to deal with a know-it-all who doesn't know-it-all? How do you diplomatically get them to shut the fup up?

FanadMan

Also known as a smartarse knowitall Know a few of them. Smile, nod and ignore it the best solution that doesn't include fists.

Candie wrote: »

A person I'm working with (temporarily, tf) is extremely able and well informed about anything you can think of, and would have no problem doing my and others jobs as well as his own, and doing them better. So he says.

In reality he hasn't much of a clue and the constant need for diplomacy is wearing me down. There are major cultural differences to be considered, I can't just call him out and expect it to end well.

He seems to have a case of Illusory Superiority - also called Superiority Bias or Above Average Effect - where someone thinks they're much more capable/informed/intelligent/skilled than other people, based only on their own assessment of themselves.

I'm all too well aware of my own, many, shortcomings btw, but sure life's a journey and I'll improve as I go along.

Have you ever had to deal with a know-it-all who doesn't know-it-all? How do you diplomatically get them to shut the fup up?

FanadMan

FanadMan wrote: »

Also known as a smartarse knowitall Know a few of them. Smile, nod and ignore it the best solution that doesn't include fists.

Oh I agree, except the slow, diplomatic explanations are costing all of us time. Especially me!

I'd love to be able to just ignore him.

Oh lordy I spent four years with quite a few of these types.

How do you mean about the diplomatic conversations?

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Oh lordy I spent four years with quite a few of these types.

How do you mean about the diplomatic conversations?

I can't just tell him he's wrong and he should shut up and listen, though that's what needs to happen tbh. I'm a guest in their country and their place of work, they're helping me on a particular project and of course I'm grateful for their expertise, but this guy is constantly telling me where he thinks I'm going wrong, which is patently not the case to anyone with a hint of insight into my job!

Ah, I'm ranting. He slowed me down a lot today - it's a working day here.

Candie

Candie wrote: »

I can't just tell him he's wrong and he should shut up and listen, though that's what needs to happen tbh. I'm a guest in their country and their place of work, they're helping me on a particular project and of course I'm grateful for their expertise, but this guy is constantly telling me where he thinks I'm going wrong, which is patently not the case to anyone with a hint of insight into my job!

Ah, I'm ranting. He slowed me down a lot today - it's a working day here.

That's actually rather horrible I mean to have someone constantly tell you that you aren't doing such and such a thing right would wear you down, even though you know in your heart that you're on the correct track.

I don't know how you would handle a person like that. Perhaps you could tell yourself that he is acting in that way to mask his own insecurities. Or you could throw your lunch over his head

mad muffin

My Wife's sister's husband is an insufferable blowhard :mad:

steddyeddy

I work with a one or two like that. It doesn't bother me as much anymore as I stopped sharing details of my projects with people like that. There's always someone that thinks they know better than me and sometimes they're right and sometimes they're wrong.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

Candie wrote:

A person I'm working with (temporarily, tf) is extremely able and well informed about anything you can think of, and would have no problem doing my and others jobs as well as his own, and doing them better. So he says.

In reality he hasn't much of a clue and the constant need for diplomacy is wearing me down. There are major cultural differences to be considered, I can't just call him out and expect it to end well.

I have a colleague like that. The "cultural difference" in my situation is only that she's from Dublin working in Cork (not even really sure if it could be attributed to her attitudes), but the difference in outlook is astounding. I'm not going to say much here, but it's an emotional drain and there are children involved who I'm sure could do without constant admonition, reprimand and hate being flung at them. We all could.

I don't know what to advise, OP. I don't know how to deal with it either.

Buona Fortuna

mad muffin wrote: »

My Wife's sister's husband is an insufferable blowhard :mad:

Pat is that you ?

It's especially disappointing since he's supposed to be learning from me, and because he won't, refuses to, it means I'm failing in a crucial area through no fault of my own. I think I'm going to have to make waves or risk my own rep.

Rock<<me>>Hard Place.

steddyeddy

Candie wrote: »

It's especially disappointing since he's supposed to be learning from me, and because he won't, refuses to, it means I'm failing in a crucial area through no fault of my own. I think I'm going to have to make waves or risk my own rep.

Rock<<me>>Hard Place.

If it's that obvious that he's like that then I'm sure other people will realise that he's the problem not you.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Permabear

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I fantasise about this. Sadly, I only have ten more days to get done here, and that would cost me too much time.

I did try give him something to analyze, but he claimed he couldn't because my figures were all wrong - his personal bias has difficulty accepting these particular numbers. This was after not seeing him all day, so a full day wasted by him.

I think I just have to let him arrange the proverbial fridge magnets, just to keep him out of my way.

steddyeddy

steddyeddy wrote: »

If it's that obvious that he's like that then I'm sure other people will realise that he's the problem not you.

It's not going to be easy to diplomatically get the guy out of the way so the rest of us can do our work. The gender thing is going to be an issue too, there's a lot of misplaced pride at stake that I have to be careful of.

Earthhorse

If I were in your shoes I would have handled the situation much better OP. :cool:

FTA69

What cultural differences are you referring to out of curiosity? It's mad how these things can affect work to the extent it does.

There are very conservative religious and social mores at play, and there is considerable political upheaval concerning both ongoing. I don't want to go into any detail since this guy is very much the exception and almost everyone I know here is an absolute gem to both work with and be around.

Earthhorse

Earthhorse wrote: »

If I were in your shoes I would have handled the situation much better OP. :cool:

FluffyAngel

Esperanza Old Hiker wrote: »

I have a colleague like that. The "cultural difference" in my situation is only that she's from Dublin working in Cork (not even really sure if it could be attributed to her attitudes), but the difference in outlook is astounding. I'm not going to say much here, but it's an emotional drain and there are children involved who I'm sure could do without constant admonition, reprimand and hate being flung at them. We all could.

I don't know what to advise, OP. I don't know how to deal with it either.

Hi Tinychancer,if theres children involved you have a duty to report any and all abuse
from the small amount you typed i have taken at the very least there is emotional abuse,i have taken the below from Tulsa and a link to the Tulsa site,do it don't be the voice that stays quiet ..the children will thank you for it

http://www.tusla.ie/services/child-protection-welfare/definitions-of-child-abuse

Emotional abuse is normally to be found in the relationship between a parent/carer and a child rather than in a specific event or pattern of events. It occurs when a child's developmental need for affection, approval, consistency and security are not met. Unless other forms of abuse are present, it is rarely manifested in terms of physical signs or symptoms.

Sand

Candie wrote: »

A person I'm working with (temporarily, tf) is extremely able and well informed about anything you can think of, and would have no problem doing my and others jobs as well as his own, and doing them better. So he says.

In reality he hasn't much of a clue and the constant need for diplomacy is wearing me down. There are major cultural differences to be considered, I can't just call him out and expect it to end well.

He seems to have a case of Illusory Superiority - also called Superiority Bias or Above Average Effect - where someone thinks they're much more capable/informed/intelligent/skilled than other people, based only on their own assessment of themselves.

I'm all too well aware of my own, many, shortcomings btw, but sure life's a journey and I'll improve as I go along.

Have you ever had to deal with a know-it-all who doesn't know-it-all? How do you diplomatically get them to shut the fup up?

I've worked with someone like that - in that they were foisted on me because they were trouble in their old role. Everything was fine initially. I noticed his work was poor. No problem, new team - training will solve it. Training applied, others improved, he got worse. So I had to address it, and I never saw such a sudden shift in a person: went from polite and civil, to aggressive and sulking when forced to acknowledge errors. Just did not seem psychologically capable of acknowledging a mistake was made. Not even willing to talk about it - arms folded, looking out the window, ignoring any conversation. Rated himself as exceptional, better than everyone else on the team, which was delusional.

Was never able to help him, because he just refused to accept he ever made a mistake. So in the end he was gone.

His behaviour was to aggressively deny a mistake no matter what evidence was provided, but I do think he believed himself. I actually did some research and turned up the Dunning-Kruger effect (people really bad at their jobs are really bad at evaluating their performance and tend to wildly overestimate it) and there is also denial, as a psychological defence mechanism which this guy was employing. Long story short, confronting this guy may not result in any change in his behaviour - he more than likely has walls, and walls, and walls against the reality that he is not as good as he thinks he is because I am sure he gets confronted with evidence of that daily. You having a confrontation with him wont make a dent in that level of denial.

Tornaxx

Candie wrote: »

There are very conservative religious and social mores at play, and there is considerable political upheaval concerning both ongoing. I don't want to go into any detail since this guy is very much the exception and almost everyone I know here is an absolute gem to both work with and be around.

Is there any way you can approach another member of the team to ask for suggestions? They will know the situation better than you can explain to us, and they will know what this 'character' is like.

Sand

Sand wrote: »

Long story short, confronting this guy may not result in any change in his behaviour - he more than likely has walls, and walls, and walls against the reality that he is not as good as he thinks he is because I am sure he gets confronted with evidence of that daily. You having a confrontation with him wont make a dent in that level of denial.

I've already disregarded that course of action, I know he'd be extremely affronted and likely make life very difficult. I will probably just use his obvious laziness to my advantage and give him inconsequential tasks to pretend to do, but I am absolutely determined to make it clear to his superiors how inept and delusional this guy is.

Tornaxx wrote: »

Is there any way you can approach another member of the team to ask for suggestions? They will know the situation better than you can explain to us, and they will know what this 'character' is like.

I don't want to involve them because I'm out of there in ten days, but they're stuck with him. He really can be very unpleasant when questioned or he feels threatened. I don't mind being the bad guy when I'm not going to be working with him again.

The_Valeyard

Candie wrote: »

I can't just tell him he's wrong and he should shut up and listen, though that's what needs to happen tbh. I'm a guest in their country and their place of work, they're helping me on a particular project and of course I'm grateful for their expertise, but this guy is constantly telling me where he thinks I'm going wrong, which is patently not the case to anyone with a hint of insight into my job!

Ah, I'm ranting. He slowed me down a lot today - it's a working day here.

Until you mentioned your were working abroad. I was convinced you were talking about a guy I work with!!!!

seamus

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

That depends. I know people who'll blame their failure on all sorts of external conditions, from something in the process that wasn't quite right to some mundane task that distracted him so he doesn't get your one finished.

osarusan

Candie wrote: »

A
I'm all too well aware of my own, many, shortcomings btw

I am not kidding when I say that a lot of the people you describe would say exactly this about themselves.

They think they are aware of their own faults (I work too hard...I take on too much responsibility...I'm a perfectionist) but they're actually blind to a whole boatload of them.

osarusan

osarusan wrote: »

I am not kidding when I say that a lot of the people you describe would say exactly this about themselves.

They think they are aware of their own faults (I work too hard...I take on too much responsibility...I'm a perfectionist) but they're actually blind to a whole boatload of them.

Don't have me worrying I'm one of those myself!

Anyway, it's not something my guy would say. He's spent a lot of time telling me how he excels at everything he does and how he is constantly let down by the incompetency of others.

The King of Moo

My favourite example was a chef in a hotel kitchen I worked in for the summer when I was 16.

He had a (stupid) opinion on everything, and it was always stated as fact.

One time he came back from a trip to Poland, and said without a trace of self-awareness:
"I don't mean to racist, but them Poles are the most racist f*ckers! And they're all greedy too."

The best was when "Stuck in the Middle with You" by Stealer's Wheel came on the radio, and he shook his head wistfully and pronounced:
"Ah The Beatles, there hasn't been a better band since..."

An utter gom of a man.

Shield

I see this in the job ALL the time. As soon as some people put the uniform on, they become intoxicated with perceived power and assumed intelligence.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

FluffyAngel wrote: »

Emotional abuse is normally to be found in the relationship between a parent/carer and a child rather than in a specific event or pattern of events. It occurs when a child's developmental need for affection, approval, consistency and security are not met. Unless other forms of abuse are present, it is rarely manifested in terms of physical signs or symptoms.

She's a member of staff who is more senior than me but of a lower qualification/rank. I have heard other senior colleagues describe her behaviour negatively and I have documented the incidents I've witnessed so there is a record being kept of it. It's mostly just snideness or shouting at them, but all that is damaging. She is also terrible with parents, sometimes exaggerating incidents or saying potentially libellous things to them. I don't know how on earth she has any job, let alone one with such responsibility.

Maireadio

The King of Moo wrote: »

My favourite example was a chef in a hotel kitchen I worked in for the summer when I was 16.

He had a (stupid) opinion on everything, and it was always stated as fact.

One time he came back from a trip to Poland, and said without a trace of self-awareness:
"I don't mean to racist, but them Poles are the most racist f*ckers! And they're all greedy too."

The best was when "Stuck in the Middle with You" by Stealer's Wheel came on the radio, and he shook his head wistfully and pronounced:
"Ah The Beatles, there hasn't been a better band since..."

An utter gom of a man.

This doesn't really seem to be the same thing as what the OP is talking about.

The King of Moo

Maireadio wrote: »

This doesn't really seem to be the same thing as what the OP is talking about.

I don't care.

Maireadio

The King of Moo wrote: »

I don't care.

Super.

rojito

I recently had a similar case. What I did, whether advisable or not, was to expand any email correspondence to literally include anyone who had the slightest involvement in the project. As a technical lead having served several years almost exclusively with the particular client my word carries significant weight, so when I called him out on a slip up (and I called him out hard) the outcome was me getting the results the client wanted and him behaving like a trained puppy from there on in. I had been waiting for the opportunity.

Relatively speaking, what he did was minor but he had been working against the advice of the entire senior team and someone needed to put him in his place. If your colleague, like mine, is basically incompetent then let him dig his own grave.

OP, it sounds like you have seniority, even if means being an a--hole sometimes you just gotta flex the muscle. I just got a new dog so I`m going to repeat the same analogy - its all about tough love.

The OP seems to be looking for a diplomatic easy way of dealing with the situation and there is none, if the person has no insight in to themselves being blunt is the only thing that could work.

Maybe the op is the sort of person who is seen as being smart, likeable and very capable at their job and they don't want to have to step outside of there nice person persona to deal with the situation.

Cathy.C

Oh tons of them.

It's exhausting being in their company as you have to constantly dumb yourself down otherwise you'd be in argument 24/7.

There was a guy in a well known book shop in Dublin like that also and people used go in and browse just in the off chance that they might witness him giving out to his staff as if they knew absolute nothing and he was the absolute bee's knees.

Or the chap in The Office is another. Well actually The Office had two or three characters who could possibly be described as having illusory superiority now that I think of it.

Almost like the intellectual version of Hyacinth Bucket.

Speedwell

This happened to me when I was sent to Abu Dhabi to train engineers to use the software I supported. The first day of class, a man stormed out and complained to his boss that he was tricked because he thought my gender-neutral first name belonged to a man. The boss took pleasure in informing me that he didn't even give the overdevout idiot time to gather his belongings from his desk before having him escorted out of the building. That's a different kind of "superiority", though.

I've had older engineers tell me to my face that the old way they were doing things before our software implementation was just fine and they intended to carry on as usual without using the software. I'd tell my boss, who would have a word with their boss, which usually sorted things. One time, though, they had to move my cubicle so I could sit next to a guy who was about fifteen months from retirement because he didn't actually refuse to use the software, he more or less passive-aggressively screwed things up so he hoped he wouldn't be required to use it anymore. While I sat next to him, he was fine. As soon as they moved me away, he started the shenanigans again. His boss called me into his office for a meeting, and I told him what was going on. The fellow's boss went a bit purple, started using words like "sabotage", and offered the fellow early retirement.