My brother is a mess.

Internet Ham

Evening all. The title says it all really. My brother is a disaster. Some preamble. Our parents died when we were very young. I was five and he was not even one. They were alcoholics as were most of my family. He seems to have inherited these genes.

He is homeless and has been for well over six months. He will not save his money for a deposit and spends it solely on drugs and drink it seems. He is twenty one but looks twice that. Talking to him is next to impossible as it invariably devolves into a row with him biting the head off me for being frank with him about his situation. He has had had a roughish life.

Talking to him gives me the distinct impression that he is not playing with a full deck. I am an armchair psychologist but he shows many symptoms of Bipolar disorder, definite substance dependency and a serious attitude problem. I have begged him to get help but as you can imagine, I am short on familial support and am really at a loss at how to help him. I am thinking of having him committed. I don't know what else to do for him.

Any advice is welcomed. I hope I have explained the situation clearly enough, I will clarify anywhere needed.

Rachiee

Sorry to hear about your brother that must be so frustrating and upsetting for you to watch.
Re: the homelessness if he does have a serious substance use problem yes it is more likely that he will spend his money on drink/ drugs rather than saving for a deposit. However in all liklihood even if he had a deposit and a months rent upfront a landlord would turn him away anyway. Supported accomodation would be better for him at the moment, there is very little you can do to help him get this apart from offer to accompany him to the council. Where is he from? In dublin city centre the waiting list for supported temporary accomodation is 3-6 months but you can sometimes get lucky.

Re: the addiction does he show any interest in stopping or see it as an issue for himself or is it more just a way to get through the day and not really a problem for him?unless he has an interest again there is very little you can do. Which i suppose is one reason why getting him comitted may have seemed like the solution however

Re:mental health its really very difficult to get someone comitted. It is also particularly difficult to get community or even emmergency support for mental health if there is a dual diagnosis of addiction and mental health. ( the problem is the psychiactric team cant diagnose him until hes substance free but the mental health is often too poor to facilitate the will power needed to complete a detox) best thing is actually going to be gp support first but again I realise your brother is not likely to engage.

What I would say is although this all seems very bleak is that it is very likely that your brother is linking in with day services for food/laundry etc which means there are very likely professionals around him who are trying to build his trust and motivate him to start making changes. All you can do is reassure him that you love him and are worried about him and want to help him. you cant force him to go to hospital or detox or even the council just try to maintain the relationship so when he does want your help he knows its there.
For yourself i think it would be a good idea to join a family support group or do a CRAft course. if you look on drugs.ie they have a seach engine and you can search by area and type of service. This might give you some tools to help you communicate better with your brother (so that he doesnt get defensive and end in a row) but also deal with how difficult this has been for you seeing him like that and feeling frustrated and helpless. Good luck

Fakediamond

Sorry to hear about ur brother's situation. I would agree with the post above. He is probably accessing some services already and they are hopefully encouraging him to look at the impact of his substance abuse on his life and helping him to access appropriate services.

His poor mental health may well be as a result of his substance misuse and could improve if he stops, there's really no way of knowing til he's clean.

You can't make someone stop, it's a process and only he can make that choice for himself. As already stated, continue to link in with him ,if you can, but probably best not to confront him as he might think that you're judging him and not accepting him as he is. I know it's frustrating but he won't stop til he's ready and you have to come to an acceptance that it could take some time. He may be self-medicating as a coping mechanism for difficult feelings.

If you're finding it hard to see him like that and it's impacting negatively on your life, maybe you could take a step back for a while, stay in touch by text maybe so he knows you still care. You also had a difficult start in life and I'm sure it's emotionally hard for you at times so look after yourself too.

I wish you both all the best.