Boyfriend meeting parents

DonnaDarko09

Hi all,

Just looking for opinions. I've been dating a guy for nearly a year now and every time my parents are in town, he seems to make his excuses to not be around. I'm not sure if it's a lack of confidence (he's late 30's and I wouldn't have thought this was an issue...he's confident in his career and socially but would suffer from some anxiety sometimes) or whether it signals a lack of commitment to our relationship. I've tried to invite him to informal (coffee, walks..) as well as formal (dinners) meet&greets, but something always crops up. I should say, he's met my parents briefly (hand shake, hello's) but never actually spent any time with them. I understand meeting your bf/gf family can be daunting but I've met most of his family now (usually just for a coffee or walk). I'm a little embarrassed and my parents are now not convinced of this relationship...I no longer mention he may be accompanying me on family outings and my mother continues to try and set me up with other potential suitors Any advice?

Dave0301

I know that spending time with the parents of any girl I've been seeing is something I would usually try to avoid!

Not due to not taking the relationship serious, but more so that it takes me out of my comfort zone.

Having said that, if it is made clear to me thst it is an important occasion or the girl really wants me there I will make the effort

Story Bud?

Have you spoken to him about this?
I think that would be the first thing to do. Ask, in a very gentle way, if he is nervous about meeting your parents and go from there. Explain to him that it means a lot to you that he meets them.

DonnaDarko09

You're right; I need to be more clear about how important it is for me now I guess. I did voice my disappointment after the latest episode and he offered to meet them next weekend (as it turns out, that would have been impossible as he'll be away). Hopefully next time my parents are around he'll make the effort. I was starting to get the feeling he's not serious about us.:(

strandroad

DonnaDarko09 wrote: »

I was starting to get the feeling he's not serious about us.:(

Have you met his parents?

DonnaDarko09

mhge wrote: »

Have you met his parents?

Yes...just at informal walks or for a coffee. Also met his brother and sisters. It was quite soon into the relationship and I've not met them lately.

Merkin

Have you met his friends? How inclusive is he in other aspects of his life?

strandroad

DonnaDarko09 wrote: »

Yes...just at informal walks or for a coffee. Also met his brother and sisters. It was quite soon into the relationship and I've not met them lately.

Well that's a good sign since it's not like he's keeping you secret or anything. He's met your parents too, just very briefly. Is he normally outgoing? Perhaps he doesn't like to feel like he's being scrutinised by them but putting such meetings off is not a good strategy for him then! Just arrange something really small where he's not the main focus, and take it from there.

Hemerodrome

Maybe he just doesn't see the importance of it. Not everybody thinks it's all that important to spend time with their partner's family. It can be boring and stressful and feel like time wasted. Every family dynamic is different and he won't see your family the way you see them.

DonnaDarko09

Hemerodrome wrote: »

Maybe he just doesn't see the importance of it. Not everybody thinks it's all that important to spend time with their partner's family. It can be boring and stressful and feel like time wasted. Every family dynamic is different and he won't see your family the way you see them.

Perhaps. He would be very family orientated himself...close to his siblings. But I think he may just be nervous about spending time with mine. I've tried to arrange informal coffee's but he's always busy when they're visiting. Also I've pulled out of a few of his family outings so perhaps I'm being unfair on him.

JeffKenna

Do you have a family event coming up like a wedding/christening? Tell him well in advance and that should resolve it.

SarahMollie

Hi OP,

This is a tricky one. I can see where your mother is coming from and if I were you, I'd want to have those questions answered sooner rather than later, but mostly for my own peace of mind. In your thirties, dating for a year is serious in my book and you're entitled to know where he thinks your relationship is going. Do you ever talk about the future?

That said, myself and my OH must have been together about 10-11 months before we'd properly met each others parents. That said we were a bit younger (late 20's at the time) and it was his first time bringing a girlfriend home. We did bump into has mam once in town and she nearly had kittens, she was so excited to meet me - I think a part of her had thought at that stage that I was made up! We were only prompted to do it as we'd decided to move in together and felt that really at that stage it was beyond a joke. When my OH finally said "lets all have dinner together" she was really suspicious and thought I was pregnant or that there was some big announcement to be made!

I think you have to make it clear to him that this is really important to you - don't just assume he gets it. If he's serious about you and sees a future with you, then I don't see why he'd have a problem.

If not...well then at least you know where you stand.

pgj2015

a former friend of mine met her boyfriends parents in the hospital after giving birth to their grandson, that is got to be awkward.

other guys i know who won't introduce their girlfriends to their parents are all cheating on their girlfriends,all lovely girls who deserve a lot better. its pathetic that men don't suck it up and meet the parents, very childish in my opinion.