Missed miscarriage

Polycom

Hi All

My wife and I went to our 12 scan on Thursday and found out the baby's heart had stopped beating. We are totally devastated. We had our first baby 16 months ago and she's the most beautiful little girl. We were so happy to be having a second.

Has anyone else been through this. We still want to have a second, has anyone gone on to have a second after a miscarriage?

We would obviously be very worried this would happen again.

My wife is totally crushed. I don't think she could handle 2 in a row

Miscarriage is so cruel. We arrived home from hospital yesterday to find maternity clothes had arrived in the post 😞

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Sorry to hear you've gone through this.
My wife miscarried at about 6 weeks and we went on to have a second as most people do.
Her GP put it in perspective for us when he said that 1in 4 women will miscarry. He asked us to count the number of women in the waiting room as we left! It did put things in perspective.

It seems like the end of the world when it happens, but it happens for a reason.
Give your wife a few months to get over the pregnancy physically and emotionally and try again.

dori_dormer

I miscarried twins at 10 weeks on my first pregnancy, had a healthy boy, then miscarried again at 10 weeks , I'm now 36 weeks with my second boy.

What I learned was you relaly need to allow yourself and your wife to grieve. There is a reason this baby wasn't ready for this world. It wasn't the right time. So early on you are unlikely to be given a reason for the loss also which is hard. I found it very difficult because the second I had the positive result I was imagining how different life would be in 9 months time, and then suddenly it's not happening.
Give yourselves a few months to settle and then maybe try again. After my first loss it took me 8 months before I was brave enough. The second we tried again after 3. Everybody is different and copes differently though.

I'm sorry for your loss

Polycom

Thanks for the replys.

Before Thursday I never realised the odds were so high

The way they explained it was that there was a defect on the chromosomes and the baby didn't survive. I would be so scared of something being wrong with the baby if we did have another

It's great that you both went on to have more children, very encouraging to hear it

Bicycle

I had two miscarriages after my first baby. I haemorrhaged after the second miscarriage and it took a while to recover. But I went on to have two babies afterwards.

Its difficult. And I struggled with my emotions during my second "full-term" pregnancy. But its worth it.

Markcheese

Something similar with us... surprisingly common, surprisingly random too.. maybe none, maybe 1, maybe several..
Give it a bit of time, grieve properly dont dwell but dont ignore it either..
You already have a small one, enjoy him/her ,you'll never get a second shot at their toddling years.
We planted a tree that flowers at the time of year that we had our missed.. gave "her" her name , and got back on the horse... no guarantees though..

brokensoul

I had a missed miscarriage last July. I found it absolutely devastating but with time I have come to terms with it.

Am currently 29 weeks pregnant with twins. I am finding this pregnancy scary and found the first trimester really scary but my consultant was great, gave me lots of reassurance scans and went through with me that the fact that it happened once doesn't mean it will happen again and all that.

Like Markcheese, we planted a rose bush in our garden to remember her by. I was sitting out by it today and thinking that there is no way I would have believed last July that we would have come this far in a year.

Huge hugs to you and your wife. It is a desperate shock and it will take time to grieve.

catrionanic

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. Had you had other normal scans or was this the first scan?

Polycom

catrionanic wrote: »

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. Had you had other normal scans or was this the first scan?

We had a 7 week scan and everything looked fine

SettlePettal

The exact same thing happened to us last April. 12 week scan, no heartbeat. We were devastated, was my first pregnancy. My boyfriend was pretty cut up and i think what made it harder was the lack of knowledge about these. It helped to know that this occurs more than you think. At the time we thought there was something wrong with us but that's just not the case.

It will get easier, we took a little break and now i am 38 weeks pregnant again, everything going well. The first trimester i was a nervous wreck i won't lie, but as time went on it became clear that the same thing was not going to happen again. I'm sorry for your loss, look after each other and remember this happens all the time.

DSN

unfortunately its quite common & it doesn't mean it will happen again. I had one at 10 weeks - found out it hadn't developed past 5 weeks. I was 41 at the time (they do say the older you are the higher chance of miscarriage) I had had 2 children with no issues before so I guess I just assumed this would be same as I was feeling so good. I am now 43 & 34 weeks pregnant & all looking great so far - it just makes you a nervous wreck though especially the first few weeks I refused to even dream this one would be viable. The fact you have one healthy child already is a great sign & that this was just 'one of those things. It is hard though & an awful shock esp. when you had a scan at 7 weeks

Beanybabog

Polycom wrote: »

We had a 7 week scan and everything looked fine

So sorry for your loss. I have heard a lot about missed miscarriages happening but not so much after a good scan. So sorry for you both, it's shocking