Reigniting the passion

LegacyUser

Hi Boardsies,my husband and I are only married about 6 months (both of us just turned 30), but are together about 10 yrs and our sex life has become pretty much non existent. I know you are all thinking 'not another sexless marriage thread'- but reading the other problems on this forum i want to change this before it becomes an unfixable problem!

I trust my OH 100% and there are no other love interests in the picture, we both work alot but do make time for each other at least once a week- not always ending up with sex though. This time may be spent watching movies ( which i know we got to change) or going out ( which is a no no for me - i hate sex with drink on board, it just doesn't turn me on). And there is no issues with internet obsession from either of us.
Even when we go on holiday the sex sometimes feels mandatory rather than exciting.

Sometimes I feel like we are more like best friends rather than lovers!
Anybody any tips/experiences in reigniting the passion? (Dressing up adding a few whips blagh blagh, been there done that.)

Ignatius in bloom

lost_passion101 wrote: »

Hi Boardsies,my husband and I are only married about 6 months (both of us just turned 30), but are together about 10 yrs and our sex life has become pretty much non existent. I know you are all thinking 'not another sexless marriage thread'- but reading the other problems on this forum i want to change this before it becomes an unfixable problem!

I trust my OH 100% and there are no other love interests in the picture, we both work alot but do make time for each other at least once a week- not always ending up with sex though. This time may be spent watching movies ( which i know we got to change) or going out ( which is a no no for me - i hate sex with drink on board, it just doesn't turn me on). And there is no issues with internet obsession from either of us.
Even when we go on holiday the sex sometimes feels mandatory rather than exciting.

Sometimes I feel like we are more like best friends rather than lovers!
Anybody any tips/experiences in reigniting the passion? (Dressing up adding a few whips blagh blagh, been there done that.)

In my option sex becomes boring and less frequent because two people stop communicating mentally, physically and emotionally. Mentally sit down and have a frank discussion about it number one. Secondly increase physical touching as in more touching each other, more kissing, small massages clothed, stroking each other and holding hands and generally reintroducing a physical connection between you both again without necessarily having sex. Leaving little notes for each other is nice as well and creates excitement when you are not together and antisapation can be a strong emotion. Emotionally start telling each other you miss them and can't wait too see them. If you can afford it once in awhile book a nice hotel room with a big bath and some nice nibbles and just have fun.

LegacyUser

How much time apart do you spend on separate interests and/or with other people? My guess from what little you've posted there is that sexual boredom is just a symptom of boredom with each other. Now matter how long you're together as a couple, you need to miss each other a little bit and you need something to talk about when you're together that you didn't do together. If I could predict that almost every day I'd have a long days work followed by telly and little else, I'd get sick of the sight of herself too and I know she'd say the same. We're both busy, busy people with very separate and independent interests and we make every second count when we're together. Maybe that's what you need?

Loveinapril

I agree with Ignatius, bring more physical contact and intimacy into every day. Have proper passionate kisses randomly throughout the day, touch each other, like chatting and hugging at the same time, snuggling on the couch and maybe letting the hands roam. Surprise him with sex at unusual times. This always makes life interesting! My husband loves gentle caresses on his back so i will do that when we are out walking or shopping to feel connected. I find that even if you are in a lull sexwise, the intimacy of touching never lats you fall into the feelings of friendship.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, I will definitely try some of them. I'm not sure about starting a new interest or hobby as we both work long days, (sometimes I'm on nights) so we don't really see each other much.

It's certainly not a case of sitting in front of a tv after a days work, we both usually leave for work at about 7.30 and I'm never home before 21.30 and its the same when I'm working nights only other way about. He works 8 till 6, and then goes back to work until 11ish 6 days a week.

What other info are you looking for Guessed? Although you may be right about the boredom bit

I am going to do the notes thing definitely. Thanks again folks.

LuckyLloyd

Maybe the work / life balance needs to change for you both?

Irish_Elect_Eng

+1 Work Life Balance.
+1 On Increasing Physical Touch

Relationships are hard work to maintain but becomes near impossible if you are not actually spending time physically together. Time together can be anything from preparing meals, doing chores together in addition to quality time talking and date nights.

Your main problem could quite simply be tiredness, sex when tired does often feel like going through the motions, as you both need to be present to connect in a meaningful way. Perhaps as an experiment, if you both cut back on work, got to bed early for a week then have a date night things may improve.

LegacyUser

Tried the above suggestions. ... still no response! I think we are in deeper trouble than I thought. So I'm gonna have another chat with him tonight see what's going on. Yes work life balance is an issue but I can't do much about that my job sector isn't exactly hiring at the moment. Thanks for your suggestions though I was hopeful for a while

Hemerodrome

lost _ passion 101 wrote: »

Tried the above suggestions. ... still no response

I'm not surprised. The suggestions were well meaning and useful in the right context, but a sticking plaster at best. Your relationship needs an overhaul in the work-life balance and the time you spend on each other and apart, not a bit more touching and a few notes. You need to be examining the whole thing, not just the intimacy, that's just a symptom.

Dr Crayfish

Is it actually possible to get it back? From my experience I'd say no. You are more like best friends or brother and sister it sounds like.