Out and worried about entering the 'gay universe'

Limerickhue

Hello everyone,

I would really live some advice. I am a 29 year old man and I have just come out to everyone this week (well atleast everyone thats important to me). The reaction was amazing and I'm so happy.

I spent the last 29 years keeping my sexuality a secret and now I feel totally liberated, it does feel kinda weird tho. Ok my main problem now is I have absolute zero....not one....gay friend. I live, work, and play with all hetros and I feel like a total outsider among the local gays.

I know a good few of them from afar (although I have never spoken to any of them), and if truth be told they all look very cliquey. I know its wrong but Im a bit of a facebook lurker and I regularly check out their pages to see if we have any mutual friends etc (im just awful nosey right now). I'm sure they know my face from around Dublin too. I'm really over thinking things right now, but I worry I won't fit in with any of them or that I won't be accepted by any of them. They are all really goodlooking and popular people. I fear rejection and I suffer from bad anxiety/low confidence.

Despite my euphoria having come out I now feel lonely and an outsider (from the gay community). I'm so scared of entering the gay world as I feel I lack the confidence and connections/popularity these guys all have.

I was thinking of downloading one of the gay dating apps to make some new friends but I'm not ready for sex yet as I have some body hang ups (i'm a bit overweight). Do you think this is a pointless pursuit?

I thank all of you for reading this post, apologies for it's length.

Kenny

reason vs religion

For me, more liberating than coming out (though less euphoric), was developing a friendship with another gay and learning to talk about gay things naturally. He and I started chatting through a dating app. We never spoke to each other in the vocal sense and I never saw a picture of him. But it was a formative part of becoming comfortable with my sexuality. There are people on Tinder et al similarly uninterested in sex, you just need to persevere! (The very first message I received was, "Sex at mine?," from a guy over twice my age.)

Diggg

They probably are very cliquey but thats for a good reason; they are a clique. Probably GAA lads if im guessing :P They by no means make up the whole gay population, they are just the most eye catching. The gay community is as broad as the straight one, so dont worry about changing yourself to fit in with this particular group.
Definitely get some apps - Grindr, Tinder, Surge, the likes. Start befriending other guys and running in new circles.
Or you could go to the forum meetup Presumably they dont bite

Annasopra

If you are in Dublin why not come along to our forum meet up in June?

I think it can be very difficult to make friends using apps and I wouldnt really reccomend it.

I posted this resource list last week - I'd really reccomend wet and wild and DIGS and the speed dating is on May 30th

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Off the top of my head - here you go

Meet up Groups
Wet and Wild
http://www.meetup.com/Wet-Wild/
Gay and Lesbian Bikers Ireland
http://www.meetup.com/Gay-and-Lesbian-Bikers-Ireland/
The Gaynine club
http://www.meetup.com/The-Gaynine-Club/
Dublin gay geeks who game
http://www.meetup.com/Dublin-Gay-Geeks-who-Game/
DIGS
http://www.meetup.com/dublin-international-gay-social/
Out and about hlining group
http://www.meetup.com/Out-and-About-Gay-Hiking/
Out2Tennis
http://www.meetup.com/Gay-Social-Tennis/
Gay Dining Out
http://www.meetup.com/Gay-Dining-Out-Ireland/

Sport
Rugby
http://ewrfc.ie/
Soccer
http://www.dublindevilsfc.com/
Running
http://dublinfrontrunners.ie/wp/

Speed dating
http://www.romeoromeojulietjuliet.info/Up-Coming-Events.html

Personal development
http://gayswitchboard.ie/personal-development-course/

Book Club
Outhouse - every Wednesday

Acting
Contact outhouse

Films
http://www.filmqlub.com/

www.outhouse.ie

fluffybiscuits

The gay scene I found as bad for cliques as for the non gay scene but there are still plenty of people who are good people. I would not worry about your weight at all. People will like you for who you are. I found that at the back of GCN was a good source over the years with various activities like football, rugby, swimmers club, hillwalking etc. Throw yourself headlong into activities. As an aside to what you said I went back off the gay scene, I found it too up its own arse (excuse the expression) but other people loved it for what it was. Best wishes in exploring