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LegacyUser

Hi there,

Am separted with young child! One of the reasons for separation was partner's pot habit. Smoked everyday and on and off all weekend! We are not talking an odd joint here but a serious addiction and has been for years! Promised to give up when I was pregnant and then when baby came but never could manage it! Partner looks down on "junkies" and gets annoyed when I use the words addiction or drug as feels they don't apply to him. He is better than all that!

I told his mother he smoked heavily but she didn't want to hear and is quite avoidant. He probably said it was an odd joint and it was left at that.. He is currently living with his parents and the child has access there. His parents are good people so have no worries there. He maintains he has quit smoking but I really don't believe him. He has tried and failed so many times before and would need professional help to do so. He refused to sign something saying he quit .

He will be moving out of his parents soon and am worried for our child visiting him alone. If I try to discuss with him he starts shouting at me so discussion never progresses. I want our child to have access to his father and extended family but I don't want him alone with his Dad while stoned.

He denies he is smoking and I can't drug test him! He won't discuss it with me. Should I mention to his mother (she is probably in denial herself) how could I handle this situation to ensure our child is protected?

FizzleSticks

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intheclouds

Supervised access unless he agrees to do drug testing and if he wont go with that then allow it to go to the courts to sort it out.

Wanderer78

Your ex may have underlying issues such as mental health issues etc. I'd be more concerned about that. Your priority is the well being of your child and yourself but he may need help with this. Best of luck with it.

ManOfMystery

questionpls wrote: »

Should I mention to his mother (she is probably in denial herself) how could I handle this situation to ensure our child is protected?

Any decisions about your child are between you and your ex. Keep his mother out of it for now, as regards decision making.

In terms of how you handle the situation, your child's well-being is the priority here - not spending time with his/her dad. IMO, their well-being will be at risk if they are around someone who is stoned or high. I don't see it as any different to them being around someone who is drunk. Whilst that person is responsible for the child, they should NOT be in any way under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

I agree with intheclouds - some form of supervised access is needed unless he agrees to drug testing. If he is still resistant to this, then you will need to think about the possibility of escalating this and making it formal - perhaps then he will realise he has to clean his act up a bit and you're serious about it, not just nagging him.

Augme

Tough situation. When you were together with the child did he have any difficulty looking after him? Does he smoke all day every day? The problem I see with escalating the situation is that you'll be turning the situation into a confrontation and him vs you deal and once it gets to that stage it can be a very slippery slope and difficult to turn back from. Getting him to do a drug test sounds great but they're pretty easy to pass. Definitely talk to a solicitor first and they'll give you a good idea of what could potentially happen if you do escalate it.


Best thing to do is try and get him to see sense himself. While it's not worked so far it might be a good idea to try a different approach then you've been using so far.