sons access

LegacyUser

Hi just here for a bit of advice or maybe see if there is someone else going through the same thing as me ..I'm finding it really hard to get access to my son of 6.I have been to court 3 times already and have a standing order for every second weekend and every second wed.We are married so i should have proper access.
The problem is my ex consistantly makes it so hard for me ..A month ago when i was meant to have him on wednesday she rings me to tell me that the nanny is leaving that thursday so i cant collect as he wants to say goodbye to her. I knew if i went over it would be an argument. Went over last week and she just abused me so much i had to leave and the same today.
To give you an example i was meant to collect my son at 1 today. She texts me to ask me to call at 2.30 instead. I replied saying ok i will give you plenty of time i will be there 3.30.When i get to the house they are out in the playground no bag packed .She tells me to come into the house where she then abuses i walk out she follows me and curses and abuses me in front of my son. This is just getting crazy and before you ask none of this is my fault.The nanny she had told me she was so upset about the way my ex's treats me said i was a very good father and it was crazy the way my ex's goes on.
we shall be in court again in another week or to ,the judge will just threaten her again with prison and it will happen all over again.
She is living in a lovely house which i pay for she hasnt worked in years her wealthy boyfriend paid for the nanny ..
This is just a nightmare im sitting here looking out at a lovely day and i should have my son but he hasn't stayed with me in over a month.
The problem is she gives out and abuses me so much i have to leave without my son

Big Bag of Chips

Does she refuse to hand over your son, or does she just argue with you where you feel you have no choice? Could you tell your son to go out to the car? You don't need a bag. Get a few bits and pieces for him and keep them in your house Could you get someone to collect him on your behalf? Could you get a dictaphone, voice recorder on your phone, and warn her as you approach that you are recording everything? It might quieten her a bit.. might not. But at least you'll have some sort of evidence for yourself if ever needed.

If she refuses to hand over your son go to her local garda station and get your access order stamped and dated each time you don't get to take your son. At least then you'll have concrete evidence when you go to court. But be careful that she is actually refusing to hand him over, rather than you are just leaving without him. If it comes to court, these are the kinds of things her side might argue.

If you go to the bother of showing up though and getting your order stamped in her local cards station it'll show that you are serious. Is applying for full custody an option for you? Even shared custody?

LegacyUser

I cant really order him out to the car as he starts crying and gets real upset ...basically i dont want a senario of me dragging my son into car and her screaming at me...she is a very volatile character and is capable of anything ,basically i just stayed there long enough for her to abuse me for an hour.she is turning my son against me ...
I think i will start recording this...i wonder would a button camera be a good idea

njs030

I'm fairly sure you can't record someone on private property without their permission so maybe check before you go down that route.

Can you get someone to pick up the child as suggested? Or just refuse to go into the house and wait outside for him?

LegacyUser

I went to the guards and they want nothing to do with it ...she should have my son ready I shouldn't have to go into the house and get abuse ...I just want to move on with my life I hate agro...she is doing what she wants and is getting away with it ...what sort of person doesn't want their son to know their father ...

Big Bag of Chips

Is it legal to covertly record private conversations without prior consent in Ireland? Yes it is, and no it isn't. If a person or any other entity records a conversation or telephone call and they are not a party to that conversation it is illegal. The only exception to this is when the third party is authorised by the government and obtains a legal and valid warrant. As say, during an investigation by the Gardai.

If a person is a party to the conversation or phone call then it is legal to record it with or without prior consent of the other parties. For telephone calls specifically, it became legal to do so in 1993.

You can record a conversation. You may, out of courtesy inform her that you are recording it, but you don't need her permission. Whether or not it would be admissible to support you in court I'm not sure. But maybe even knowing that her words are being recorded might cause her to back off a bit.

On the other hand it might just antagonise her further! I think a camera would get her back up. But you know the situation best. But if you are being denied access the best thing you can do for yourself is have a record of it from the local Garda Station.

Dravokivich

Just something to be aware of you need to be careful of anything you publish about this in public domain due to the nature of these proceedings being "in Camera".

The only advice I can give is you need to keep a specific track of all the issues, dated and commented that can be used for reference.

It's a shame the Family Courts are so heavily biased towards the mother. She is supposed to be obligated to have your son available for him to have access with you. And it sounds like not only that she couldn't care less, she's trying to put your son off it too.

LegacyUser

in fairness the judge did give out to her. So maybe the next time they will go a bit further i just cant understand why she cant cope on..I was only talking to my mum there and she was telling me about the last conversation she had with my son..She said to my son arent you glad you have such a good daddy ,and he said back i dont have a good daddy mum told me he is not a good daddy and not to like him .
How heartbreaking is that....

Big Bag of Chips

The guards may be limited in what they can actually do for you, but they can stamp and date your access order. Have you looked into full custody? If your ex is alienating your son from you and you may argue emotionally abusing him, surely you have a case, for his best interests, to step in?

Yes, family law, some courts and some judges are heavily biased in favour of mothers. But fathers can and do successfully fight for the rights of their children. I personally know of 2 fathers who took on the fight and both won full custody of their children. And both men are better parents than the mothers ever were.

Have you a family law solicitor? Are you getting all and any advice you can? Have you contacted any of the Single Dad groups who might help you out with advice and direction?

Pawwed Rig

I would start investigating full custody at this point. It really can't make things much worse.
Unfortunately for you it is unlikely to go your way unless you can prove she is a danger to the child.
As you realise the courts will do nothing.
Time to talk to a solicitor.

Ignatius in bloom

First of all i have complete and utter sympathy for you especially as a single father myself and this could happen to anybody really. For me personally i let a lot of things slide with my ex as to keep a civil relationship for the benefit of my child. But you are letting this happen to an extent as you are walking away without your child so what will he think if he sees his father walk away after coming to collect him? The first thing i would do is to make sure you have everything he needs in your house so you are not waiting for your ex to give you anything Clothes, books, toys ETC ETC ETC.

If the relationship is not amicable and your ex is messing you around then don't give an inch if as you say she texts you to say she will be late and come at 2.30 then don't say 3.30 say no ill be there at arranged time and keep dialogue sharp, crispy and to the point. Arrive on time even if she is not there and wait for your son to return and then don't go inside just say you are in a hurry and pick up your son and leave and here is the most important thing do not leave without your son if she is being awkward then say you will be outside and when (insert sons name here) is ready to bring him outside but don't leave without him as what message does that send to him? Of course he will think daddy doesn't want me as he is always leaving without me and i have not seen him in a month. In short you aint fighting hard enough for what is the most important person in the world. Document everything and write down any instances where you are denied access to your son. Consult Treoir.ie for some advice on what you should do legally. Fighting someone does not mean you are the bad guy and does not mean it has to be nasty from your side but this is your son and if it was me i would fight tooth and nail until i got the time with my son that we both need. Your son wants you to fight for him and he wants to see you.

Best of luck i truly hope you reach a good conclusion.