My Rights New Single Mum

Turtlelife

Hi I've been in a relationship for the last 8 years and about 8 weeks I finally told my partner that i wasn't in love with him anymore.......It was about 6 months coming but for him it was a total shock.

We have a 4 year old daughter and we aren't married.

So today i went and looked at an apartment......i decided best for me to move out coz its just easier as i feel more in control i suppose, as if i had to wait for him to move out we could be months living under the same roof and i can't keep going on day to day.

My questions is what kinda of benefits and help is there for me.

I have signed a guardianship form last week so me and my partner have joint decisions i did this to make him feel more secure.

And we are going to a mediator to put in writing 50/50 split for my daughter.

my partner always makes me feel like i don't have any control and that he gets to make the call on what I do and what happens to our daughter.

Just trying to find out what my rights are.He currently earns 28K and i earn 19K
the apt Im moving into with be €750 a month which is going to leave things quite tight for me......just wanted a place close enough so my daughter knows the area etc .

Any advice would be great.

Stheno

Is your child with you or your former partner?

Turtlelife

We are still currently living under the same roof... we are going to split time between each parent

WEEK 1
mon - dad
tue- dad
wed- dad
thrus- mum
fri- mum
sat- mum
sun- dad

WEEK 2
mon- mum
tue- mum
wed- mum
thurs- dad
fri- dad
sat- dad
sun- mum

Stheno

Hard to say but joint custody means joint sharing of expenses, so no maintenance for your child.

You might be entitled to FIS?

Do you work full time?

Keane2baMused

If it's shared and equal access then you have no right to maintenance.

Who minds the child during working hours?

You may be entitled to FIS but not one parent family payment, unless you have the child more than your ex partner.

Rent allowance/HAP also depending on your employment status.

Turtlelife

I work full time and my daughter is in a Montessori and from September is starting primary school.
My ex has said he won't apply for FIS coz he earns about 500e more than me a month and Im on minimum wage....
.if we did both apply would they reject both or grant just one of the claims?

Apartment hunting is also a nightmare

Keane2baMused

Turtlelife wrote: »

I work full time and my daughter is in a Montessori and from September is starting primary school.
My ex has said he won't apply for FIS coz he earns about 500e more than me a month and Im on minimum wage....
.if we did both apply would they reject both or grant just one of the claims?

Apartment hunting is also a nightmare

FIS is based on your own income you can both apply. It is purely means tested.

Apply ASAP for FIS yourself don't mind whether he does or not.

Keane2baMused

If he earns that much more than you he realistically should contribute more towards childcare, if you haven't discussed it it would be a good idea.

Mediation might be helpful

Turtlelife

Thanks so much for your replies Keane2b I thought because we're agreeing on 50/50 split that all things would be split equal.....from speaking to him not sure we would be willing to contribute more when Im the one initiating me leaving and moving out. if that makes sense.

Keane2baMused

Turtlelife wrote: »

Thanks so much for your replies Keane2b I thought because we're agreeing on 50/50 split that all things would be split equal.....from speaking to him not sure we would be willing to contribute more when Im the one initiating me leaving and moving out. if that makes sense.

Yep I totally understand. Thinking of it this way though often when couples are together the higher earner contributes more, it just makes sense. Obviously with you being split things have to be considered as you won't have dual incomes. Given its unlikely you'll get maintenance it would be difficult to sustain splitting everything 50/50 so I think reasonably he should be able to come to an agreement (if he is a reasonable person).

Definitely apply for FIS though, I've no idea what he means by not applying because he earns more. Pretty much anyone can apply, they just base it on your income. If you're on minimum wage you will be eligible for FIS and it could substantially increase your incomings (so long as you meet the other requirements of residency and employment etc)

Keane2baMused

Also you should apply for Back to school clothing and footwear allowance

Turtlelife

I thought that only one parent could apply....so Thats great if both can coz i don't feel as threatened i suppose that he could and i May end up with nothing.......but it sounds like i have a pretty good chance......Youve really put my mind at ease....hopefully i will be able to find an apartment soon near to Niamh new school.

Keane2baMused

Turtlelife wrote: »

I thought that only one parent could apply....so Thats great if both can coz i don't feel as threatened i suppose that he could and i May end up with nothing.......but it sounds like i have a pretty good chance......Youve really put my mind at ease....hopefully i will be able to find an apartment soon near to Niamh new school.

It's not that clear but from what I gather he could apply for FIS but only if he is paying maintenance for the child.

You being on the lower income and not receiving support or maintenance should apply ASAP. I would do it and there is no need to consult you ex partner on it as frankly it has nothing to do with him in this case

Turtlelife

Thanks so much ........I've found an apartment and i move in in the 6th of June do you think i could apply now for FIS and use my new address even tho Im not moved in yet? Also Im trying to find the best way to tell my 4 year old mammy has a new place and your gonna spend time in both......like my plan for the 1st couple of weeks is come back to this house before she wakes in the morning take her to school go to work collect her from school and leave after bedtime.......but obviously at some point we have to break the news just wondered if you had any experience with this and how to approach it?

Turtlelife

Hi...Coming out of an 8 year relationship.....we have a four year old daughter ...I have managed to find an apartment Im moving into and move in the 6th of June....Me & my ex currently sleep in separate bedrooms and have done the last month since we split which my daughter has begun to accept as the norm now.
My question is how do i tell her , firstly mammy has a new place ? and secondly she is now spending half her time at the home she known her whole life and half at this new apt.

Any advice would be great
Thanks a mil

endacl

Firstly, you(sing.) don't tell her. You(plu.) do. You also reassure her that mum and dad still both love her, and she's not to worry about that. After that, answer any questions she has, in an age appropriate manner. Just the questions she asks, though. Don't elaborate and overload. If she needs more information, she'll ask.

Turtlelife

Im unsure what you(sing) and you (plu) mean?

Stheno

Sin and plu are singular and plural, i.e. this is something you and your partner need to do together.

On a mod note, please do not start multiple threads on the same topic, it's against the charter.

Turtlelife

Oh sorry didn't know new to this

Stheno

Turtlelife wrote: »

Oh sorry didn't know new to this

That's ok, please don't do it again.

On your FIS question, I don't think you can apply for it without proof of address so your potential plan wouldn't work.

Turtlelife

Just wondering as me & my partner are joint guardians of ir daughter.........would i be legally within my rights to move daughter with me to my new apartment.....I've been agreeing to 50/50 split coz Im not really sure of my rights coz i was born in the UK and don't know Irish Law .
Also en agreeing because of the argument i know it will create but to me a daughter should live with their mother.

please help

tmalmb

When my marriage broke down, I just sat with the kids and explained that mom and dad were going to live apart, my kids were older so they could see that the relationship was over (as like you we were in different rooms) I got a sense that they were happy that someone was talking to them about it and explaining what was going on. I reassured them that they would always be put first, told them things would feel different and strange at first but that both of us loved them. Its now 7 months since we separated, two children live with me and one lives with the mom....tbh the kids get use to it much quicker than the adults ;-)

tmalmb

Turtlelife wrote: »

Just wondering as me & my partner are joint guardians of ir daughter.........would i be legally within my rights to move daughter with me to my new apartment.....I've been agreeing to 50/50 split coz Im not really sure of my rights coz i was born in the UK and don't know Irish Law .
Also en agreeing because of the argument i know it will create but to me a daughter should live with their mother.

please help

You and your partner really need to try get into mediation and discuss whats best for your daughter and how best you are going to co-parent and provide for your daughter. If you can provide reassurances to each other on access, support etc then I think an amicable approach to living arrangements can be worked out. My ex did not go down this route, she chose a much more hostile route with guards, solicitors etc. and as a result two of the children walked out on her...while I'm very happy to have my children live with me, it saddens me that my ex's behaviour has permanently damaged the kids relationship with her

StanleyOllie

Sorry to hear your relationship broke up. Difficult time for all. I have come through the other side... happy. A couple of things. Your child is young and will adjust. Reassure her she is loved by you both and that will never change. Tell her she will have 2 houses and you ll make her new bedroom beautiful. If kids think there is something in it for them they just go with the flow. There'll be questions.. just keep reassuring her.
I did much the same as you on the custody but just make sure you are very sure of what you are agreeing to. I agreed to do more... pay for more and its somewhat backfired. My ex pays for nothing except childcare. And expects me to pay for everything else.
So while the ex goes off on holidays I am left very tight for cash.
As the years go on the childrens wants and needs change. It might suit better week on and week off or different weekends. Just leave an option for agreement to be reviewed annually or something, especially if he is the controlling type. The Dads or your circumstances may change which could impact on current agreement.
There is also a tax allowance you can claim. Only one of you can.. single carer I think it is. Look up Revenue.