Question on my present situation

Amprodude

OK. Here's my story I am going out with a girl for 5 months now. We are getting on brilliantly and I love her to bits.

Recently my best mate who is a male booked a holiday for his cousins birthday out in Vienna. His cousin is a she by the way. He booked the holiday and booked me on board as well along with his sister and his cousin the birthday girl. I hadn't got back to him about it before he did it so he never asked me was I going. I had to give out to him afterwards as he did it without my permission. He paid 400 euro. Problem is I have been friends with him and his cousin and his sister for years and we always went away on holidays once a year. However I am in an awkward situation at present as I have a girlfriend now and I told her I was going to a friends birthday party in Vienna but I didn't say who it was.

What is the best thing to do here?. I don't want to be dishonest with my girlfriend and lie to her and I don't want to not attend the birthday party in Vienna as they have been friends with me for over 10 years and we're planning this before I was dating my girlfriend . I am afraid if I come clean with my girlfriend on the matter she will think why I'm goin on hols with two female friends and not her and she might dump me which I don't want. I just don't know what to do. Advice would be great.

visual

Invite your girlfriend problem solved

ElleEm

You are with your girlfriend 5 months. If she had an issue with you going on a break with longterm friends for a birthday then she has problems! Tell her you are going away, don't act like you are doing anything wrong- you aren't. Go on holiday and enjoy yourself!

dee_mc

Is your girlfriend the jealous type?
Have you ever given her a reason to not trust you in such a situation?
If I was in your position I would tell her the plan, mentioning of course that you have gone on similar trips with the same group in the past.
Don't make it sound like a big deal, because it isn't, and don't ask for her permission, you're an adult!

Amprodude

dee_mc wrote: »

Is your girlfriend the jealous type?
Have you ever given her a reason to not trust you in such a situation?
If I was in your position I would tell her the plan, mentioning of course that you have gone on similar trips with the same group in the past.
Don't make it sound like a big deal, because it isn't, and don't ask for her permission, you're an adult!

I want to be honest but going away with two female long term friends that wouldn't sound right to my girlfriend would it?. There are 4 of us going on holidays for just 3 days

IvyTheTerrible

MOD: Hi OP, I've moved your thread to Relationship Issues as I think it's more appropriate for there. Please take note of the charter.

dee_mc

Amprodude wrote: »

I want to be honest but going away with two female long term friends that wouldn't sound right to my girlfriend would it?. There are 4 of us going on holidays for just 3 days

So it's two guys and two girls, none of whom are romantically involved and who don't have a 'history' together, going on a weekend break?
It all sounds perfectly innocent - maybe I'm just being a bit dense but I don't see that it should be a big issue, unless you present it to her as such?
Do you fancy one of the girls? Is your girlfriend jealous in general, or does she not trust you? Or do you not trust you?

ibarelycare

You're making a far bigger deal out of this than necessary. Just tell your gf you're going on your annual trip away with your friends...cos that what it is. You've been friends with these girls for this long, if something romantic was going to happen it would have happened by now. Don't be apologetic about it, just tell her it in a matter of fact way. Maybe suggest that you two plan a weekend away together at some stage soon as well.

LegacyUser

I think your way over thinking this OP. You have a history with these people that includes going away together. You have zero romantic interest in either girl going (assuming this as you haven't mentioned any past romantic history in your post) You've been with your OH only 5 months, for me it's a littler early to include them in something like a close friends weekend away (especially as it's not your birthday your going away for) unless any of the four of you have had OH come along before?

Your options are either to ask her along - If you do want to invite her then I would ask your friends before doing so as it's not fair to them if they planned a friends weekend away to include another person with no notice. How comfortable are you with her coming on the trip this early in your relationship OP? You've only been going out 5 months, has she meet these friends already or would the trip be the first time? How would your friends feel if you invited her to another persons birthday weekend? I'd feel different if you'd been going out longer but 5 months can be seen as a life time to some and no time to others. If it was four lads going away would you even give it a second thought? Is it just the girls going that is causing you doubt? The fact that you think it's an issue means either your overthinking it or your GF has given you signs that she isn't comfortable with you having female friends - which is it?

Or option 2 just be direct with her. You were invited on a trip away with friends which includes two female friends. It's not your birthday so it's not your place to invite her along. If she throws a strop about you going then it would be a red flag to me but then I've always had both male and female friends and never had any issue spending time with any of them and my husband has plenty of female friends I've no issue that he spends time with. Reading these forums it seems to be the assumed thing that boys and girls can't be friends without something romantic/sexual happening which is rubbish.

squonk

I have to admit I don't get this! You're only going out 5 months so it's not into long term territory yet. You're going away for a weekend with some friends. I don't see how, in any kind of case this would be a problem. If you're all friends and have been for years then it's not an issue. Has your gf met the crew you're off on holidays with?

What jumped out at me here on reading that post is that I'd only be concerned about a situation like this if I thought there was potential for something to happen. Is one of these ladies interested in you or is there a history there?

I only ask because I've several female friends who I wouldn't have the slightest issue going away with and if my other half questioned it I'd have no problem telling them that there was nothing to be concerned about. You might also consider taking her along if you like or also introducing her to these friends so she knows the story first hand.

Idle Passerby

The fact that you seem to feel guilty about the holiday is the most telling bit of your post. From what you've said there's absolutely no reason to feel guilty or for your girlfriend to have an issue. This is s long established tradition among your mixed group of friends, why should that change now because you've started seeing someone?

Do you feel uneasy because there is in fact some flirtation or agenda with one of your friends or is your girlfriend likely to be unreasonably jealous? If neither of these is the case your worrying over nothing.

Lavinia

Whatever you do be honest with your gf. Otherwise you'll be just acting like a d***.

Btw any reason you do not want to invite her too? Or you want to have a fun on a side?
Somethings just not right there and you know it I suppose, that is why you are "worried".

LegacyUser

Lavinia wrote: »

Btw any reason you do not want to invite her too? Or you want to have a fun on a side?
Somethings just not right there and you know it I suppose, that is why you are "worried".

Or maybe he doesn't feel right or feel it's his place inviting someone along to someone elses birthday trip?

Lavinia

cant log in wrote: »

Or maybe he doesn't feel right or feel it's his place inviting someone along to someone elses birthday trip?

That is what I asked, hope OP to answer - in case he wants to...

Amprodude

cant log in wrote: »

Lavinia wrote: »

Btw any reason you do not want to invite her too? Or you want to have a fun on a side?
Somethings just not right there and you know it I suppose, that is why you are "worried".

Or maybe he doesn't feel right or feel it's his place inviting someone along to someone elses birthday trip?

It wasn't me who organised this. I be the first to bring her along if I did.

Lavinia

Amprodude wrote: »

It wasn't me who organised this. I be the first to bring her along if I did.

But what about the other thing.. is it that you want to have some fun on a side and feel it inappropriate so? Otherwise why wouldn't you be totally honest with your gf?
Would you like she lying or hiding stuff from you?

What is the real reason you could not tell her the full truth?