guy im seeing using grindr and guilt trips me

LegacyUser

hey just have a honest genuine thread to post regards my situation and to see if anyone else has been through the same or what peoples opinions are of mine.

anyways

i have been seeing a guy pretty much four months now, spending my days a week off together etc but did not specifically define what we were. i found out he was using grindr and paranoid me thought the worst but all i brought up to him was that i didnt think he was and it wasnt my place to tell him what to do with it. he said he would delete it and was a little insulted i would insinuate anything even though i didnt say anything other than that i didnt know he had it thats all. anyways forward on to my friend using grindr and i see he is still on it and active. my friend did some talking over and back. i had another chat with the him and just said 'my friend wanted me to know you were on grindr but i told him its ok and its nothing to worry about as you just chat to friends on it' (apparently). He then said i broke trust by telling my best friend about him, but i genuinely did not think it was wrong to tell my best friend that this guy is really cool and makes me happy. Somehow i ended up apologizing and he totally glossed over the fact that he was still on grindr after saying he would delete it.
anyways because i like him so much i didnt care what was going on, he wanted to leave it and break it of out of no where but i (emotionally) asked him to give me a chance and he did.
forward again to a guy on grindr sending screenshot chats to my friend of chat history he had with the guy i am seeing and they were quite forward and he expressed interest in meeting.

its a confusing one but i dont know what i am to feel or do.
i feel rotten inside only because i think i really like him a lot. we expressed a lot of interest in each other together and we both said it felt right. was he talking lies upon lies?

any advice would be really appreciated,

Q.

Rick_

You said yourself that you have not defined what you are. So, that conversation needs to happen with this guy first. Then, if it is an exclusive arrangement decided upon, then you need to mention that he needs to get off Grindr if it is what you really want him to do. It does sound like at the moment, he doesn't see you two as exclusive hence the using of Grindr and chatting to other guys about possibly meeting up. You need to find out what he thinks you two are and sort that before you cause yourself any further headaches.

Ten of Swords

Agree with Pad e, sounds like the two of you may have different definitions of what exactly you are to each other. Your paranoia will drive a wedge through it if you don't have some proper conversations but this guys behavior is throwing up some red flags for me. Can I ask, did you meet this person through grindr or a similar app/site?

Regardless of how you define your status this guy obviously knows how you feel about him, especially if you emotionally asked him for another chance, and if he doesn't feel the same way then he could find your behavior clingy and paranoid or he could possibly be inclined to take advantage of your feelings for him.

Best to have the talk with him and find out exactly where you stand.

newacc2015

If you haven't had the conversation, you aren't a couple. He did nothing wrong IMO.

You need to have a chat on where this is going

Lyaiera

**** him. You're talking about all these negative feelings towards him. But you still really like him. Recognise he doesn't see you the same way, otherwise he wouldn't be doubting or guilt tripping you.

It's not about being exclusive, or having "the talk." He obviously feels different things to you, and for you. You've come to this with different ideas. Maybe he's scared of commitment, maybe he wants to play. I think you want different things. So find someone who wants the same things as you.

fluffybiscuits

Lyaiera wrote: »

**** him. You're talking about all these negative feelings towards him. But you still really like him. Recognise he doesn't see you the same way, otherwise he wouldn't be doubting or guilt tripping you.

It's not about being exclusive, or having "the talk." He obviously feels different things to you, and for you. You've come to this with different ideas. Maybe he's scared of commitment, maybe he wants to play. I think you want different things. So find someone who wants the same things as you.

I'd see that differently. The guy and him need a conversation as no one knows what the boundaries are at the moment. Having the talk is an essential part to knowing where the land lies otherwise everything else is all just presumptions

Imnotthehulk

While you haven't defined your relationship or had "The Chat" ... I'd be very wary of someone who has lied directly to you about deleting his account.

The fact that he lied about being on grinder (or deleting his account) would be enough to say that to me that there is some acknowledgement of your relationship with him. I really do think that the other chap was in the wrong, both in his use of grindr, and his complaint that you broke a trust in talking about him to your friend. It's him that should have been begging you to give him another chance.

Based purely on your post, I'd say it's in your best interests to move on. Short term pain for long term happiness.

daithi84

Get rid of him immediately. He sounds very manipulative.