Everyone asking me 'when I'm having my next kid'

eeichi_girl

I rarely go public with my thoughts but this is putting me in a rage.

I have a wonderful 19 month old boy who I adore and for my own reasons I'm not ready and don't really see myself having another baby (yet/ever).

However, friends, family and utter strangers seem to think it's their business and right to ask me almost every time they see me that he needs a sibling. I recently bought a new jeep because my old one couldn't tow anymore and suddenly, according to everyone, I need to fill it with kids.

I'm sick of making up excuses and having to laugh it off. It's no ones business what I do with my vagina.... what if I have fertility problems, what if my husband has health issues, what if it's a financial or mental health decision. It's no ones business, it's not a funny question, clever question or polite to ask.

As my little man is getting older, the question is becoming more and more frequent. We were married 4 years before we had our first, what makes people think we can/want/need a second. Money is a sensitive issue yet emotion turmoil of fertility and health issues seems to be everyone's business. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive but I just feel like my sex life and womb is not really a topic to be discussed.

cyning

Ah op I'm there with you. I have two girls and we have had an incredibly difficult time with our youngest. But now we need a boy apparently. Particularly because my husband is an only child: if he doesn't have a boy the surname will die out

I have no real advice for you but it does happen to most people. Scant consolation I know

lazygal

I was asked if and when we'd be "going again" when my second child was a few weeks old. People are just pass remarkable.

jlm29

Once you become pregnant, you seem to become public property. People can say what they want, when they want. I find it bizarre. When you're pregnant, They'll comment on your diet, your appearance anything. When you have a baby, it's your parenting choices, and of course your future family planning.

I have two boys, and While I don't particularly mind the remarks about going again for a girl, I find it peculiar, because I would never make them to someone else.

critic_12

So where are you having your next kid?

Water John

That is very intrusive.
Just tell them it hasn't happened yet but your OH and yourself are enjoying trying.
Its the polite version of f*** off.

RentDayBlues

It's an irish thing, isn't it? When are you moving in together, when are you getting engaged, when's the wedding, are you pregnant, when are you having the next etc etc

It's awful and I just ignore these questions, it's rude and intrusive

pwurple

I agree, it's obnoxious. No idea why people do that.

Changing the subject and asking them some questions about their sex lives mostly works.

nikpmup

"Ah, you'll have to go again!"


Every day.


Why thank you for your sage, considered opinion on my family. Much appreciated.

Toots

lazygal wrote: »

I was asked if and when we'd be "going again" when my second child was a few weeks old. People are just pass remarkable.

I got that when my little boy was only a few weeks old also, I was flabbergasted TBH. Kinda felt like saying "well I'll get back to you when the stitches holding my vagina together have healed up!!" Like what the hell?

A friend of mine gets asked this a lot. Herself and the hubby are coming up to 5 years married now. She actually can't have kids, and although she's made her peace with that, it obviously isn't a subject she loves talking about. She has, on occasion, just been blunt with people, and said "I can't have kids" which usually makes them feel really awkward, and rightly so, the nosy feckers.

My personal favourite was one night we were out at a work do, and one particularly annoying colleague started telling her she should get moving on starting a family, and she turned around and told her "I only like it up the arse, so I don't think I'll be getting pregnant any time soon." It certainly had the desired effect of shutting said colleague up, and gave me a good chuckle hearing about it.

ct5amr2ig1nfhp

Why are you letting such a trivial comment from others get to you? Tell them you'll see what life brings you and move on.
Life's too short. Enjoy your time with your little fella and focus that wasted energy into your family life.

Best of luck OP.

eeichi_girl wrote: »

I rarely go public with my thoughts but this is putting me in a rage.

I have a wonderful 19 month old boy who I adore and for my own reasons I'm not ready and don't really see myself having another baby (yet/ever).

However, friends, family and utter strangers seem to think it's their business and right to ask me almost every time they see me that he needs a sibling. I recently bought a new jeep because my old one couldn't tow anymore and suddenly, according to everyone, I need to fill it with kids.

I'm sick of making up excuses and having to laugh it off. It's no ones business what I do with my vagina.... what if I have fertility problems, what if my husband has health issues, what if it's a financial or mental health decision. It's no ones business, it's not a funny question, clever question or polite to ask.

As my little man is getting older, the question is becoming more and more frequent. We were married 4 years before we had our first, what makes people think we can/want/need a second. Money is a sensitive issue yet emotion turmoil of fertility and health issues seems to be everyone's business. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive but I just feel like my sex life and womb is not really a topic to be discussed.

Keane2baMused

You really gotta let these comments wash over you.

When I get asked that my response is generally 'the twelfth of never'.

End of story and it doesn't tend to continue once it's made pretty obvious it's not up for discussion. I don't let it bother me though, people are either just being nosy or genuinely interested.

Digs

I find people's attitudes and comments amusing in general.

I'm pregnant with my second girl, and extremely happy to be so!

I'm 35 weeks now so lately alot of strangers are commenting on my bump etc when asked if I know what I'm having I usually say no, it seems to end the conversation quicker. A lady in the butchers the other day said to me, with one of those knowing smiles, I hope you have a boy so you can be done. I couldn't stifle my snort

Multiples of the same sex seem to bother people, like only children, two children, no children! The list goes on, smile and nod.... Smile and nod

pwurple

Oh jeez people's attitudes are hilarious. One of my relatives was recently vocally APPALLED at me, for saying we were still on the fence about whether we would try for a third child or not when she asked us (Various reasons, I'm over 35, we've had pregnancy loss before, kinda happy to be getting near the end of nappy changing, but also... babies are awesome!).

She told me it was outrageous that anyone in this day and age had more than two (she has two), as it was so environmentally unfriendly to be creating more consumers and polluters. I think my eye roll could be seen from space. Why bloody ask me then, and how has she decided on high that two is the permitted number? My husband was so cross he wanted to go for it straight away just to annoy her.

farmchoice

pwurple wrote: »

Oh jeez people's attitudes are hilarious. One of my relatives was recently vocally APPALLED at me, for saying we were still on the fence about whether we would try for a third child or not when she asked us (Various reasons, I'm over 35, we've had pregnancy loss before, kinda happy to be getting near the end of nappy changing, but also... babies are awesome!).

She told me it was outrageous that anyone in this day and age had more than two (she has two), as it was so environmentally unfriendly to be creating more consumers and polluters. I think my eye roll could be seen from space. Why bloody ask me then, and how has she decided on high that two is the permitted number? My husband was so cross he wanted to go for it straight away just to annoy her.

Ha! we get this as well we have 3 and to be honest i think i'm done but the wife is still on the fence and as you say babies are awesome on a couple of occasions we have had people giving out to us about considering having another almost in a ''haven't you over done it enough as it is'' kind of way, always people with 2 kids for some reason!!

eeichi_girl

It's so nice to hear all these stories, also really funny.
I just bumped into my neighbors friend and she said that I've been 'keeping' my child from her, then told me to have another one. I said its in 'gods hands' and she told me I should get IVF cos I'm getting on! I'm 33!

Dolbert

You may have exactly two children, one of each sex. Anything else is simply unacceptable, for some reason.

IvyTheTerrible

Dolbert wrote: »

You may have exactly two children, one of each sex. Anything else is simply unacceptable, for some reason.

Didn't you get the memo about how only children turn into psychotic megalomaniacs and that the only antidote is to give them a sibling?

lazygal

The latest comments I get relate to why I'm still breastfeeding. Answer is because I'm too damn lazy to wean him off it.

JustShon

Not just an Irish thing btw. My girlfriend is from Brazil and her mother keeps asking when we're going to give her "Little ginger grandchildren"

We've only been together a little over a year.

Sapphire

JustShon wrote: »

Not just an Irish thing btw. My girlfriend is from Brazil and her mother keeps asking when we're going to give her "Little ginger grandchildren"

We've only been together a little over a year.

Well...get to it then! Give the poor woman her ginger grandbabies already you awful selfish man!

Sapphire

Dolbert wrote: »

You may have exactly two children, one of each sex. Anything else is simply unacceptable, for some reason.

And have the right size of bump on each pregnancy. Not too high or too low or too round or not round enough.

It was quite funny to get both the "OMG you are HUUUGE!!!" comments about an hour after the "OMG, your bump is so tinyeeee" from different people.

Lucyfur

For the last 13 years I have had one child and any amount of people have commented on it. It's taken us quite a while, but I am now pregnant with what will HOPEFULLY be my second. So, now I'm mental cos 14 year age gap. 4 months ago I was horrible for not giving him a sibling.

Yesterday, 2 people touched my stomach (what the actual fcuk???) and cheerfully asked if im having twins. My pregnancy started out as twins. It's one baby now.

If the last 6 years of secondary infertility have taught me anything, it's no never comment on anyone's family situation. Not that I did before, cos it's not really any of my business if little Johnny is gonna get a brother or sister

whatdoicare

I had a friend arrange a meet up when she was pregnant to actually tell me that it was my turn to get pregnant now (like I was waiting for her to tell me), I was last in my group of friends without kids.
I was having fertility issues at the time and had just suffered a miscarriage, so you can imagine how happy I was to be listening to this ****e.

People are weird when it comes to this stuff so ignore it all.

galah

Had a friend constantly asking me if we were having/planning a third (as we have two boys, she's also two boys and was probably afraid we'd "outdo" her ( dom't ask :rolleyes:). First i told her no (which is the truth), but when i said that, she turns around and says "ah, probably better that way as you're barely coping the way it is". Never did i want to have another baby so urgently than in that moment, just out of spite ( probably the wrong reason to have a kid tho :D)

She kept asking though, and now i keep telling her we're still thinking about it. Just to annoy her

Dobbit

I've been back at work 3 months. Last week I was making a joke about drinking cocktails and someone made a comment about me being possibly pregnant. Yesterday I felt sick and someone asked if I was pregnant. It's unreal how people think they are entitled to comment on or ask you that.

Also, I worked bloody hard to lose most of my pregnancy weight and it makes me paranoid about the 2 lbs on my stomach that I haven't shifted yet