I miss my man!

LegacyUser

Miss my ex, he broke up with me very recently. I love him very much. Loved our relationship. loved all the jokes, cuddles love, I feel lost like i'll never get over him? Help, an go gentle on me please ?

Sapphire

It's very recent so its bound to feel very raw still. I've had breakups where I was totally happy in it but he wasn't. And looking back, that happiness I thought I was feeling was peppered with insecurity and doubt because I likely sensed his disengagement from the relationship some time before he finally broke up with me.

In my experience the quickest ways to move on are:
-cut contact. If you want to stay friends, then that will only work when your feelings for him have faded. It will be normal to want to stay friends so you can still meet up on occasion but all you are really doing there is resetting any progress you made in breaking up and maybe hinging on him eventually noticing he made a mistake and want you back. All that will happen is that you will be there to witness when he flirts and gets with other women and that will really hurt you all over again. So for the next 6 months, cut contact, and temporarily block him on social media. Avoid the places he would normally go.

- do something new. Take up a sport, a hobby, a course. Get busy even if its the last thing you want to do. Have a bit of a style makeover, or change your hair to give yourself a boost.

- surround yourself with supportive friends, preferably ones that aren't mutual. Try not to bend their ear too much about him, but do talk to them about how you feel. I found a journal very good at putting down my feelings and thoughts.

For the early days, try not to drink too much and try to eat, even if your appetite is shot. Foster good sleeping patterns and if you are having trouble switching off you could try mindfulness or something like that to get your mind to slow down. Look after you, because you are pretty fragile right now.

I promise you, you will look back and see how well you've moved on, but it does take time. I look at the guys that broke my heart and feel barely anything for most of them. You'll get there.

Ursus Horribilis

I agree with all of the above. Absolutely no good comes of staying "friends" with an ex in the aftermath of a break up. Maybe down the line it might be possible but only when it gets to a stage where you wouldn't feel hurt and jealous if he meets someone else. I've seen a lot of threads here from people who didn't cut contact with their ex and it either stopped them from moving on or set them back to square one.

It's early days yet so of course it's going to feel raw. You're still referring to him as "my man" which says everything. There is no magic bullet for this in afraid. You've not just lost the man you loved but also the person you'd built your world around. That takes a lot of adjustment. Definitely if you can keep busy, do. Reconnect with your friends. Treat yourself. In time you'll start to feel normal again.

Frank Bullitt

Sorry to hear that you are feeling this way OP, I've been there recently so I know how crap it can feel.

Honestly, cutting ties across the board is what you need to do. I just did that recently with an ex that I saw had gotten a new BF, and it was like a break up all over again.

Its gonna take time, simple as that. And I know that might not be the best thing to hear, but honestly you will get there, I can guarantee it. Keep good company with friends, go to the gym, go to the movies, do things to keep you active and soon it will become manageable, then it will become normal, and then it will be gone.

Use this as a learning experience, I recently went to a counsellor and I can't tell you how much it helped. That might be something to consider.

Get a journal and write what you feel in it. This acts as a channel to express your emotions, you can read back over them and it helps cement what you need to do to move on.

It might seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but I assure you, it gets better.

LegacyUser

Have to agree with other other posters. Cut contact completely. I unfortunately made the mistake of staying "friends" with my ex. Needless to say it didn't work out and caused further damage to me.
I would suggest not doing the whole rebound thing. For me anyway it made me miss my ex even more. Take time for yourself and discover what your identity is outside the relationship. Eventually you will feel better and you will begin to think of them less and less. No one can tell you how long that will take unfortunately, as it differs from person to person.

Ryan Mac Sweeney

Hi there
I have read your post. I am sorry to hear about your breakup. I have never dated before so I havent experienced it but my advice to you in your situation would be to just focus on yourself such as going to the cinema, going to the gym, spending time with friends etc. Also if you are really struggling I would recommend that you go and get counselling and talk to a counsellor about it as talking really helps. I know it takes time but things will get better and before you know it you will forgotten about him.

SarahMollie

Sapphire has given all the good advice that you need to hear - and time heals all wounds. Nothing is going to make you feel better overnight.

One thing that stood out to me is that you still refer to him as "your" man.

Thats just not the case anymore, and you have to get your head out of that way of thinking sooner rather than later, for your own sake.

You need to adjust your thinking to reflect the reality of the current situation.

zSparc

SarahMollie wrote: »

One thing that stood out to me is that you still refer to him as "your" man.
Thats just not the case anymore

It should have never been the case to be honest. The only thing we have in life is our very self, everything else is an addition that comes, goes and changes all the time.

Best of luck OP and don't think too much of the past, the past is gone and never coming back. There is a future before you though, make it be great future - that's all you can do.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

zSparc wrote: »

It should have never been the case to be honest. The only thing we have in life is our very self, everything else is an addition that comes, goes and changes all the time.

I don't really think that's a fair estimation. Evidence everywhere (movies, books, forums) suggests that almost everyone is looking for somebody to be a constant presence and reassurance. When you think you have someone else who can be that person for you, you invest everything in it. I can't even imagine how crushing it must be to lose the feeling forever.

All I can advise the OP is to motor through it. I think around eighteen to twenty four months is the grieving period for that true love comedown. That expression "time heals all wounds" is actually scientifically true. By then your hormones will have readjusted sufficiently for you to function as you did without him. It's cold and clinical, but it's reassuring to think that this too shall pass.

But zSparc, I definitely reckon you're correct in your statement about needing to rely on ourselves when we're alone. You can't be half of a relationship if you're not a whole yourself. If relationships are something you don't want, fair enough; build yourself enough to withstand the loneliness that comes with that kind of detachment. I just think most people are searching for the yin to their yang.

zSparc

Maryam Fat Cruiser wrote: »

Evidence (movies, books, forums)

We may have a different understanding of word "evidence". But that's a whole different thread, I wouldn't like to go off topic.