Have you changed? Are you happy with it?

Do you think you are essentially the same person you were 10 and 20 years ago? Or have you changed? And if so, what prompted it, and are you happy with the way you may have changed?

After 15 or 20 years of living it up, with lots of burning the candle and partying and fortunate with a wife who put up with it all, had a baby 18 months ago, and a few months later gave up the uncontrolled drinking.

Looking back, I don't regret anything...except maybe testing my wife's patience and tolerance, and I DO regret that, and at one bad time having a right go at a couple of close friends and upsetting them. From about 2010 or so, the fun in drinking began to dwindle as friends settled but I kept going. But still reasonably comfortable with it, I wasn't fighting or chasing women.

But I think I've changed in the past 2 years. I've become more assertive and less tolerant. I don't know if it's age, fatherhood or giving up the silly drinking and landing home at all hours stuff. But there's definitely a change. I'm comfortable with it, before I would have let much more slide on silly basis, like a friend having an affair was cheating...but you know, he was great craic (I think the line in Trainspotting about Begbie beating someone was "what can you do, he's a mate"). Now I'm more inclined to wince and say "just not good enough" and distance myself from him. On the other hand while I'm happy with it, I'm aware that some friends think I've become the grumpy old man...and maybe they have a point.

So, anyone else notice a change in themselves? Why? And is it for the better, worse or difficult to gauge.

the evasion_kid

I used to be human... I was far a better person years ago

Fox_In_Socks

Changed a lot in the last 15 years. From being isolated totally to being less so. But I can't say that I'm that content. When I was isolated, I could always imagine other people having fulfilling lives and going "Well, at least they're happy". Now, I'm not so sure. People in turn may look at me and think that I'm happy.

I work, there are people I'm friendly with etc, but I lack a lot.

When I look back I see and now realise that I had a serious problem with alcohol and a developing drug addiction, dead end job and a kip of a rented room in a house.

I met my wife. She turned things around for me. I now have a good job, seldom drink, no drugs and a beautiful home. I thank my wife often for what she did for me.

So am I happy with the change? Unbelievably so!! I wouldn't have the life I have now if Id not changed.

groucho marx

I used to be indecisive now I'm not so sure

PARlance

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Do you think you are essentially the same person you were 10 and 20 years ago? Or have you changed? And if so, what prompted it, and are you happy with the way you may have changed?

After 15 or 20 years of living it up, with lots of burning the candle and partying and fortunate with a wife who put up with it all, had a baby 18 months ago, and a few months later gave up the uncontrolled drinking.

Looking back, I don't regret anything...except maybe testing my wife's patience and tolerance, and I DO regret that, and at one bad time having a right go at a couple of close friends and upsetting them. From about 2010 or so, the fun in drinking began to dwindle as friends settled but I kept going. But still reasonably comfortable with it, I wasn't fighting or chasing women.

But I think I've changed in the past 2 years. I've become more assertive and less tolerant. I don't know if it's age, fatherhood or giving up the silly drinking and landing home at all hours stuff. But there's definitely a change. I'm comfortable with it, before I would have let much more slide on silly basis, like a friend having an affair was cheating...but you know, he was great craic (I think the line in Trainspotting about Begbie beating someone was "what can you do, he's a mate"). Now I'm more inclined to wince and say "just not good enough" and distance myself from him. On the other hand while I'm happy with it, I'm aware that some friends think I've become the grumpy old man...and maybe they have a point.

So, anyone else notice a change in themselves? Why? And is it for the better, worse or difficult to gauge.

Same story if you swap the fighting for casinos. Very lucky to have a great wife that put up with more than she should have had too. Kids came along and changed everything. I still go out for pints a couple of times a month and her good self even gives me the visa for a proper wild one a few times a year.

nullzero

groucho marx wrote: »

I used to be indecisive now I'm not so sure

I used to quote clichés, now I just draw attention to them.

TheTorment

TheTorment wrote: »

I met my wife. She turned things around for me. I now have a good job, seldom drink, no drugs and a beautiful home. I thank my wife often for what she did for me.

So am I happy with the change? Unbelievably so!! I wouldn't have the life I have now if Id not changed.

PARlance wrote: »

Very lucky to have a great wife that put up with more than she should have had too. Kids came along and changed everything. I still go out for pints a couple of times a month and her good self even gives me the visa for a proper wild one a few times a year.

I can relate to this.

Got very lucky in the sense that I met the woman I knew I wanted to marry, but perhaps very young, I was 17. Was quiet enough in my 20s, heading out a lot but who doesn't in their 20s. Problem was I really lived it up in my 30s and she got sick of the pub scene. When I say I've changed and I've become less tolerant, I've also become much more appreciative of just how wonderful she is, and less tolerant of those who treat theirs badly, when before I would have glossed over their indiscretions. Now I'd be much more likely to say "that's just not good enough". But maybe that is grumpy old man stuff too. I'm not pretending I have become this wonderful person, I know friends of mine might think I've become...harder.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

10 years ago, I was 17.
I have changed quite a lot. I'm not as soft. I've lost both my parents in that space of time, became a lot more intune with the real world. I'm a bit colder, bit more realistic.
I'm still hot tempered, still fiery, but nowhere near as bad as I was. I'm really really really working hard on keeping my cool, biting my tongue and letting some things go straight over my head. Slowly realising not everything is my arguement and that sometimes people aren't worth it.

I wouldn't recognise 17 year old me. Carefree, naieve, trusting, sheltered, too much cash at my disposal. Real life wasn't too long about knocking all that out of me

PARlance

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I can relate to this.

Got very lucky in the sense that I met the woman I knew I wanted to marry, but perhaps very young, I was 17. Was quiet enough in my 20s, heading out a lot but who doesn't in their 20s. Problem was I really lived it up in my 30s and she got sick of the pub scene. When I say I've changed and I've become less tolerant, I've also become much more appreciative of just how wonderful she is, and less tolerant of those who treat theirs badly, when before I would have glossed over their indiscretions. Now I'd be much more likely to say "that's just not good enough". But maybe that is grumpy old man stuff too. I'm not pretending I have become this wonderful person, I know friends of mine might think I've become...harder.

Very similar again. I went into party mode later than most, I had been "normal", plenty of drinking etc but no real excess until much later in 20's. Looking back on it now it was probably all a bit of escapism on my part. Engagement, wedding, kids were all on the horizon and I guess I just went for it for about 3-4 years.

I don't think my personality has changed massively, I'm more or less the same person but just in a different situation. I was going to say I'm much happier now but that would be make it seem like I wasn't before. I was happy partying. It's a different happiness, less selfish and much better.

PARlance

PARlance wrote: »

Very similar again. I went into party mode later than most, I had been "normal", plenty of drinking etc but no real excess until much later in 20's. Looking back on it now it was probably all a bit of escapism on my part. Engagement, wedding, kids were all on the horizon and I guess I just went for it for about 3-4 years.

I don't think my personality has changed massively, I'm more or less the same person but just in a different situation. I was going to say I'm much happier now but that would be make it seem like I wasn't before. I was happy partying. It's a different happiness, less selfish and much better.

Yeah, know exactly what you mean. Though perhaps got even more out of it in that we had the baby in our 40s, so got 10 years of escapism, even if the last few were actually real diminishing returns stuff. Not sure I've undergone a huge transformation, think I was always pretty much a decent person with good values and wouldn't change them. And so I was happy with my party going self and never treated people badly. But was a bit more selfish alright.

Schwiiing

3 stone lighter than this time last year and it's still coming off.

I can see some people for the bitchy, self obsessed, back stabbing shower of ***** that they are.

The One Doctor

LexieOnRale wrote: »

10 years ago, I was 17.

YOU'RE 27?

Fcuking hell, I thought you were about 47. No offence meant.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

The One Doctor wrote: »

YOU'RE 27?

Fcuking hell, I thought you were about 47. No offence meant.

I feel it!

zSparc

Deleted User wrote: »

Do you think you are essentially the same person you were 10 and 20 years ago?

If I were the same person I was 20 years ago I'd be seeking professional help.

zSparc

Deleted User wrote: »

Do you think you are essentially the same person you were 10 and 20 years ago?

If I were the same person I was 20 years ago (as in if I hadn't changed) I'd be seeking professional help.

zSparc

zSparc wrote: »

If I were the same person I was 20 years ago I'd be seeking professional help.

I actually think I am probably more true to my teenage self now than I was in my 30s. I was nice as a teenager, willing to help people, selfless, so happy to be going out with my then gf now wife. I got far more selfish in my 30s.

TG1

I've changed in the last 10 years, I'm a lot less volatile than I was at 20, and a lot more independent. Ive a long way to go before I get to where I want to be though...

mikeym

Yes I have changed.

I used to be quiet in Secondary School and I was afraid to talk to the girls and I was also afraid to say the wrong thing or I would get mocked.

Nowadays im married and im more confident at work and at socialising.

zSparc

Deleted User wrote: »

I actually think I am probably more true to my teenage self now than I was in my 30s. I was nice as a teenager, willing to help people, selfless, so happy to be going out with my then gf now wife. I got far more selfish in my 30s.

I am definitely more mature, understanding, responsible person than "back in the day". I've never been selfish, greedy or self-centred. I've learned that on the other side there's also a person, with their own desires, worries and preferences. And I finally understand how little we matter and how insignificant we all are - both as individuals and as a whole.

French_Girl

I've changed in the past couple of weeks, actually.
Just last night I was thinking about how I can feel it and how my perception of some things have altered.

Been going through some personal stuff for years now and it's just lately that I'm starting to believe it all could turn around for me and I'd have a different outlook on life.

These past few weeks have moulded me into a different person.
So, yes, it's definitely a change for the better.

I've definitely changed, even in the last 2-3 years (late 30's now).

Fatherhood is of course a factor. Also being in a job that suits my temperament. Previously, I was in a notionally "successful" job that required aggression and ruthlessness to progress. I bought into that for a while, but then wondered why I was exhausted and grumpy all the time.

Utah

Eddie Vedder said "I've changed by not changing at all". Meaning the world changes around you so you just go along with it! (I think)

I have changed though - same as OP. I have pulled back on the party scene.

I'm not worried about distancing myself from toxic people.

I seem to have no issues with complaining, I would have been embarrassed in the past.

I can see what the priorities are in life now

rainbow kirby

If someone had told me 10 years ago that I'd be married with a kid in my early 30s I'd have laughed at them.

Now though? Couldn't imagine it any other way.

IrishZeus

6 years ago, I was 25, carefree without a worry in the world. Was a very "soft" person, not very confident. Reasonably active social life but was never overly interested in it and always felt something was "missing".

5 years ago (almost to the day), I met my now wife whom I married 18 months later. Since the day of meeting her, I've been made redundant, changed jobs three times, completed an MBA, had two beatiful baby girls who are now 18 months and 12 days old respectively, bought two houses and in the last ten months, I've started my own company.

Going through all the above in the space of 5 years has been massively demanding but I've never been happier. The "missing" piece has been filled in and I've become a much stronger and much more resilient person. Wouldn't change it for the world.

maudgonner

I used to be very shy and have no self-confidence whatsoever. Found it difficult to make friends, as I'd always think people wouldn't want to be friends with someone like me, who didn't have a lot going for herself. Was permanently single for the same reason.

Somewhere in my 30s I grew out of that. It helped that I found a job that I'm good at, even if I don't make a lot of money at it Moved to London knowing absolutely nobody over there, but made friends easily which was a great boost to my confidence - I left the old me behind and became 'the happy, friendly Irish girl', I barely recognised myself. When I moved back I made sure to bring that version of me home too.

These days I still don't have a huge circle of friends, but I have some good ones and am open to making more. Still single, but not so hard on myself about that, if I meet someone, great. If not, no worries.

tl;dr - I like myself a lot more than I did when I was younger, I'm not such a hopeless case as I once thought.