Won't break up with me but ignores me

LegacyUser

My head is absolutely wrecked. My boyfriend of 3 years has ignored me & not spent any time with me for the last 2 mths. He ignores calls. He has some mental health issues & takes medication. He has said he does love me but can't deal with me at the moment as he is very stressed. I feel like I am in limbo land. I have asked outright if he wants to break up but he won't respond. We are connected through the usual social media. This hurts when I see him online & he is ignoring me. He has a history of being very passive aggressive with me. Deleting him from social media seems so final. He has all the control right now & I need to take some of this back.

I need to figure out how to move on or get him to communicate. Not knowing is very very difficult. I can't understand how he could love me but treat me so badly

eviltwin

Take some control back by ending it yourself. Mental health issues or not its a terrible way to treat you.

CaraMay

Why would you let him choose? Dump him and move on. He's treating you like crap.

strandroad

Hurtlady wrote: »

My boyfriend of 3 years has ignored me & not spent any time with me for the last 2 mths. He ignores calls.

That's an effective breakup, he dumped you on the quiet just won't say it.

elfy4eva

Two months, with no contact time to take a firm stance and move on. I don't believe he could love you and cut you out of the loop for that period of time.

All the best.

FortySeven

Is he a good partner usually? I assume so if you are three years together. I would give him some time, he is clearly having issues that are related to his health problems. If he says he is too stressed then he probably is. I assume you knew he had issues? If you love him then now is the time to provide support to your partner in any way you can. The last thing he needs right now is to be dumped.

Can't believe the posts above mine. Obviously no idea of mental health problems. Would you be so quick to dump someone debilitated by cancer?

Ursus Horribilis

If he has a history of being very passive aggressive towards you and now ignoring you for such a long time, maybe you might want to consider is he the boyfriend for you? Having a partner shutting down on you like this would be a serious headache in the future, especially if you went on to live together and had a family.

eviltwin

FortySeven wrote: »

Is he a good partner usually? I assume so if you are three years together. I would give him some time, he is clearly having issues that are related to his health problems. If he says he is too stressed then he probably is. I assume you knew he had issues? If you love him then now is the time to provide support to your partner in any way you can. The last thing he needs right now is to be dumped.

Can't believe the posts above mine. Obviously no idea of mental health problems. Would you be so quick to dump someone debilitated by cancer?

I've plenty of experience with mental health problems thanks. I don't think it's an excuse to treat someone like dirt. Taking time out would be fine if he had enough respect to let her know. Ignoring someone is just cruel. Nice way to show someone you appreciate their support.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for replies

I am worried about leaving right now because of the mental health issues. I am also very worried about the future if he can treat me like this now. I also agree that mental health issues are no excuse for treating me this way. It is like a form of torture for me & I do not know how to deal with it. I would be scared of him doing something stupid if I just walk away.

Thanks again for the replies as I don't feel like I can discuss this with any of my friends or family. I have discussed it with his family & it seems they are getting the cold shoulder too.

Penny Tration

FortySeven wrote: »

Is he a good partner usually? I assume so if you are three years together. I would give him some time, he is clearly having issues that are related to his health problems. If he says he is too stressed then he probably is. I assume you knew he had issues? If you love him then now is the time to provide support to your partner in any way you can. The last thing he needs right now is to be dumped.

Can't believe the posts above mine. Obviously no idea of mental health problems. Would you be so quick to dump someone debilitated by cancer?

I have two mental illnesses, one of which will never be "cured." I've also been dumped because of how I was during my worst periods, and it was the right decision for him and for me.

I absolutely believe OP should end it.

He's ignored her for two months and has a history of being passive aggressive. Mental illness may SOMEWHAT explain it, but it certainly does not excuse it.

As for cancer, firstly the two aren't remotely comparable, but if someone is being an asshole but has cancer, they're still an asshole.

Turtle_

OP, he did break up with you... He just didn't tell you.

Mental health problems don't excuse being an ass. He doesn't really care about you.

Say your goodbyes, then cut ties.

Penny Tration

Opback wrote: »

Thanks so much for replies

I am worried about leaving right now because of the mental health issues. I am also very worried about the future if he can treat me like this now. I also agree that mental health issues are no excuse for treating me this way. It is like a form of torture for me & I do not know how to deal with it. I would be scared of him doing something stupid if I just walk away.

Thanks again for the replies as I don't feel like I can discuss this with any of my friends or family. I have discussed it with his family & it seems they are getting the cold shoulder too.

Ah love, there's nothing you can do to make him better.

If he does something, it wouldn't be your fault. You don't make people hurt/kill themselves. that's a choice they make and believe me, it's not one incident that causes it. it's a build up of lots of different things.

You are not responsible for his mental health. You're only responsible for yourself.

If you genuinely believe he's a threat to himself, and he's cut his family off, call his local police station and tell them you believe he will hurt himself or attempt worse. They'll send officers around to check on him and make sure he's stable enough to be left alone - I've done this, the Gardai were incredibly helpful and called me after to reassure me.

Whatever he does or doesn't do, including how he's treating you now, is not your fault. It will never ever be your fault. It's time to protect YOUR mental health now.

Your Face

Dump the loser.
I'm not trolling.

LegacyUser

Mental health issues or not,you can't allow someone to treat you like that.
Your title says it all really. Why are you waiting for him to break up with you? Make a stand and stick by it

Big Bag of Chips

Penny Tration wrote: »

but if someone is being an asshole but has cancer, they're still an asshole.

Have to agree 100% with this. Nice people aren't the only people to suffer illnesses. Arseholes can get cancer as well as mental illness. You don't have a boyfriend at the moment, OP. He is ignoring you. Completely. Is he ignoring others? I know you say he's cutting off family, but what about friends? Does he work?

You said you're afraid of what he might do if you walked away?? Would he notice? He's already not communicating with you, at all. So you walking away won't exactly make much difference. Stop trying to contact him and see what happens. Take it for granted that he's finished with you. There's only so much help and support you can offer someone who won't take it. He's asked for space. I suggest you give it to him. A lot of it.

Irish_Elect_Eng

At the darkest time in my life I turn towards the one person that will accept me, hold me and help me no matter what I do, my wife. When I need space to clear my thoughts, we talk and then she gives me time to get it together.

If someone turns away from you when they need help, you are probably not meant to be together.