Birds shítting all over my car

armaghlad

So I noticed my car this morning was covered in bird shít. Annoys the fúck out of me so I took the car to get washed at lunch. I'm OCD about it as that really annoys me knowing there's poop on it. Came out to my car this evening and MORE poo! Is there any sort of remedy to this other buying a gun? Some sort of device that scares birds from a certain area?

biko

Park in another location?
Do you park under trees?

Roger Mellie Man on the Telly

Stop eating for 3 weeks. See if you care then.

wonski

armaghlad wrote: »

So I noticed my car this morning was covered in bird shít. Annoys the fúck out of me so I took the car to get washed at lunch. I'm OCD about it as that really annoys me knowing there's poop on it. Came out to my car this evening and MORE poo! Is there any sort of remedy to this other buying a gun? Some sort of device that scares birds from a certain area?

Park in another spot?

Takes paint off too. Well it does of window sills, I know that much!

run_Forrest_run

It's the time of year, the feckers are having a field day with berries and grub galore. Even if you don't park under/near trees they will get you on a fly-by.
A big sheet thrown over the car is your only bet for the OCD...however you will be driven mad if it's not even on both sides

Del2005

armaghlad wrote: »

So I noticed my car this morning was covered in bird shít. Annoys the fúck out of me so I took the car to get washed at lunch. I'm OCD about it as that really annoys me knowing there's poop on it. Came out to my car this evening and MORE poo! Is there any sort of remedy to this other buying a gun? Some sort of device that scares birds from a certain area?

Only way to make sure your car isn't cover in guano is a car cover, though some can also damage paint.

http://www.halfords.ie/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductMobileDisplay?catalogId=15551&langId=-1&categoryId=212446&productId=895675&storeId=11101

armaghlad

Arrghhhh it's so annoying. I can't park anywhere else. No trees or anything either. They're just a shower of bastárds. I wouldn't mind if it was a day or two but within hours!

Jan Laco

What a dcuking 1st world problem! You have a comfortable life if that's all your worried about...be grateful.

degsie

I'd find a birds nest and sh1t that thing right up!

armaghlad

Jan Laco wrote: »

What a dcuking 1st world problem! You have a comfortable life if that's all your worried about...be grateful.

Believe me I have a million +1 problems to be worrying about. Sometimes the smallest things annoy me the most

elperello

The birds are nesting and raising young.

The baby birds faeces is produced in faecal sacs. They are a bit like a disposable nappy for birds. The parents take them away from the nest and that is probably what your car is getting hit with.

Get a cheap cover and to be sure it doesn't damage the car throw a few old sheets over the body work before fitting it.

Diabhalta

Yeah recently some birds took a crap on one of my cars too. Idiots. I would like to see how they would react if I would sh1t on them.

I waxed and polished my daily today and if I will see bird sh1t on my car tommorow I will find that motherducker and shove his head into his ass.

Jan Laco

Im guessing it's something to do with the shine of a freshly washed car?

JohnBoy26

No, parking under power or phone lines or trees cause this.

johndoe99

had trouble with pigeons last year doing there business all over my vegetable garden. Bought a child's cap gun in dealz, only took a few days and they've never came back.

ahnowbrowncow

I parked under a tree that had must have been inhabited by very large family of laxative ingesting squirrels. Car was completely covered in squishy lumps of brown sh!t.

Didn't have time to clean it before work, had no tailgaters that morning.

Mister Jingles

You need.....http://www.detailingshed.com/quick-detail-spray/325-poorboys-bird-****-remover.html

mickdw

I've never seen anything like the last month for bird crap problems. I park in the same place for last 20 years. No major issues until the last month. They are now destroying the car in a single day. It's impossible to keep. Some of it is very damaging for paint. I spent an hour with a cutting polish last weekend to get rid of a mark left behind.

JohnBoy26

mickdw wrote: »

I've never seen anything like the last month for bird crap problems. I park in the same place for last 20 years. No major issues until the last month. They are now destroying the car in a single day. It's impossible to keep. Some of it is very damaging for paint. I spent an hour with a cutting polish last weekend to get rid of a mark left behind.

I suppose if you held it for 20 years you'd be the same too

Esel

It's because you swiped left too often on Tinder.

howardmarks

Misleading thread title....

grogi

armaghlad wrote: »

So I noticed my car this morning was covered in bird shít. Annoys the fúck out of me so I took the car to get washed at lunch. I'm OCD about it as that really annoys me knowing there's poop on it. Came out to my car this evening and MORE poo! Is there any sort of remedy to this other buying a gun? Some sort of device that scares birds from a certain area?

Don't park under electrical wires or trees.

degsie

OMG! Don't google 'birds sh¡tting'.

lanciadub

somebody once told me , scatter berrries or the like a distance from your car under the trees or wires on a daily basis , then the birds get conditioned to thinking theres food in that spot , and they move down to that spot , car clean voila!.
Dont know how long it would take maybe a few days , weeks or not at all .

fancy pigeon

Some thread for one thread... I'm in a flap here

Some birds see shiny objects as a body of water and tend to aim for them when having a sh*te

degsie wrote: »

I'd find a birds nest and sh1t that thing right up!

Them's fightin talk you... I'll ate a hape of dodgy curries the next time, you won't know what hit ya

illdoit2morrow

armaghlad wrote: »

So I noticed my car this morning was covered in bird shít. Annoys the fúck out of me so I took the car to get washed at lunch. I'm OCD about it as that really annoys me knowing there's poop on it. Came out to my car this evening and MORE poo! Is there any sort of remedy to this other buying a gun? Some sort of device that scares birds from a certain area?

Try a different dating site.

josip

This will solve all your bird problems.
And give you some interesting new neighbour ones if you live in an urban area.

Esel

josip wrote: »

This will solve all your bird problems.
And give you some interesting new neighbour ones if you live in an urban area.

ArmaghLad, bird banger for hire.

dogmatix

They just can't help themselves...

e27ad840fd26c6138038d952e452fae8.jpg

Agricola

Very rarely get bird shít on mine but a couple of weeks back, after finally getting around to claying, polishing and waxing the car, I wasn't 10 minutes on the road when I was carpet bombed by some avian arsehole with a bad case of the squits. :mad:

RAIMEIS

You should be thankful, a little bird told me it is meant to bring a lot of luck into your life.
My advice: continue to park there!

Charles Babbage

Shoot the feckers

Story Bud?

Jan Laco wrote: »

What a dcuking 1st world problem! You have a comfortable life if that's all your worried about...be grateful.

Oh would you bleedin' stop.

I've had one of the hardest fcuking lives imaginable.

Still broke my heart when I came out one day to see I'd parked my beautifully polished MR2 under a tree full of birds with a dose of diarrhea.

Still nearly piss myself if some gobshyte hits my pride and joy with the door of their scabby car.

Unless you're posting about your car in Ethiopia, then every thread in this forum is technically a first world problem.

/ranty mcranterson

OP - are you parked under overhead wires?

If I park on my mams street I have to be sure not to park at the exact point where the wires going up the street, meet the ones going across the street, otherwise sh*tty city

Alun

White car, problem solved

Until they start eating blackberries that is!

Noccy_Mondy

It's worse on dark colour cars. If they are freshly polished or shiny they will attract the birds. It's apparently birds tendency to shyt over water, the glare/reflection of a shiny dark roof gives the impression of water so they let loose.
There's the science behind it!

Washed mine over the weekend and left it parked up for a day or 2. Got covered in droppings. Guarantee if I left it there unwashed it'd only have 1 or 2.

Esel

I think it's about where you park. Under a roost, or on the flight path.

screamer

My car got **** bombed last week with a flyover. I was motto the car literally looked like you'd covered it in ****. People were even staring at it. I've never seen anything like the bird **** this year id day the bird populations are up as the winter was mild. Its very annoying though for sure first world problem or not no one wants to be driving around in a **** box.

MetzgerMeister

BMW Estoril Blue = = = Worst colour ever as a target. I've never had such an amount of bird crap on any car I've had.

Sam Russell

I was egged by a bird. Egg and shell everywhere.

josip

Sam Russell wrote: »

I was egged by a bird. Egg and shell everywhere.

Richard Keys was tarmacced by a bird.

RebelButtMunch

Plant some cress in the poo. Hey presto, free cress sambos in a week or so. Tip, dont drive fast and keep it watered.

Oink

I thought it was just me! My black car got bombed like mad in the last week or so. There's no tree or anything so it was clearly a high-altitude carpet-bombing op.

fmcato

elperello wrote: »

The baby birds faeces is produced in faecal sacs. They are a bit like a disposable nappy for birds. The parents take them away from the nest and that is probably what your car is getting hit with.

Ok, that is gross and awesome at the same time.

corcaigh1

armaghlad wrote: »

So I noticed my car this morning was covered in bird shít. Annoys the fúck out of me so I took the car to get washed at lunch. I'm OCD about it as that really annoys me knowing there's poop on it. Came out to my car this evening and MORE poo! Is there any sort of remedy to this other buying a gun? Some sort of device that scares birds from a certain area?

Hahahaha hilarious just saw this post and laughed out loud!! Im having the same issue now after relocating house, the feckers are hiding out on the gutters of the house and going kamikaze with ****e all over me car aswell..probably a nest up there!

MarkR

I was going to a wedding one time, and I parked up in a car park to buy a card. Came back and actually walked past my car, didn't recognise it under all the ****. I can only assume an entire flock of swallows synchro-shat on my car. The smell was horrendous. Purpley black **** all over the bonnet, windscreen, and roof. Had to drive it to a car wash immediate to get rid of the smell.

billyhead

Is bird **** bad for the cars paint?

MetzgerMeister

billyhead wrote: »

Is bird **** bad for the cars paint?

What happens is that when it's left for a while in the heat it etches into the lacquer and distorts it therefore damaging it.

To be very careful, keep a bottle of quick detailer and one of those pocket-sized packs of tissues in the car to remove bird crap asap.

Much less chance of damage being done if you have a good sealant and/or wax on the car and this also makes it a lot easier to remove.

Alun

Alun wrote: »

White car, problem solved

Until they start eating blackberries that is!

I spoke too soon ... brand new (pearl white) car sitting on driveway, and after only one day this ...