Fell Big Time

LegacyUser · 04-05-2016 9:42pm #1

Simple scenario. Boy meets girl. They date for a couple of months. Girl calls a halt. 3 months later boy is still completely head wrecked over girl. Boy fell hard for girl and still has deep feelings for girl. Question is, anyone with experience of this happening to them and how did they combat the issue? Not expecting to get back together, but would just like to go a day without thinking about girl!

Thanks for your time.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2016 9:50am

Hey went through the same thing myself, more of a mutual breakup but the same scenario.

It is difficult especially when she is on your mind when you want her to be off it for a while. The thing is that what you probably miss about her is the memories, we sort of push the reality (bad memories) away to one side and only remember the happy memories.

The best thing that got me through is realising that if you did get back with her spontaneously, it would not be the same thing as you remember it. You can't just turn on the relationship/dating again with a switch. Yes there are people who have got back together but only by restarting as friends and really working on the relationship, because it is one of the bumpiest roads out there.

The best thing you can do is think of life like a book, close that chapter with that character and begin a new chapter. If the character reappears further on in the book then so be it, but there are plenty more characters yet to meet!

LegacyUser · 05-05-2016 10:31am

Well Man I knopw what your going through same happened to me after christmas or really coming out of it now. I went thru days of hating her, loving her all I can is its a complete waste of time and energy that could be spent at better things.

I suggest you try take up a new hobby(or go back to an old one) or set yourself a goal in work or something along those lines to take you mind off her.

Hope this helps, I know I could have done with someone saying this to me six months ago!!

Also remember if she was meant for you she wouldnt have walked away!

batmanrobin · 05-05-2016 2:47pm

pi1763232 wrote: »

The best thing you can do is think of life like a book, close that chapter with that character and begin a new chapter. If the character reappears further on in the book then so be it, but there are plenty more characters yet to meet!

That's actually a lovely way to look at it.

OP, I found it helpful not to torture myself thinking about them - as in, I'd start to fantasise but I wouldn't follow the thought. I'd turn my mind to something else or even just focus on my breathing and counting each inhale and exhale. It's a handy distraction. Also, don't cyber stalk. That really will prolong things.

Time and effort on your part are the things that will help you get over her.

Frank Bullitt · 05-05-2016 6:51pm

Sort of going through the same myself.

We broke up last October when it really was clear that it wasn't working. I never dealt with it then and she now has a new BF, so that stung a lot (you can see this in the thread I started).

Talk to friends, stay active and even do some meditation. It will be hard but trust me it gets easier.

I only remember the good times but I now remember more recently what it was like towards the end. How we were just not right together and just doing my best to not dwell on it too much. Cutting ties completely helps also, and just resist the urge to check instagram etc. It won't be easy or much fun at the start, but time is what you need.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2016 7:56pm

Thanks folks, kind of the way I was thinking. It just feels like I have a block of concrete stuck in me and its all her. The thing is I fell really quickly for her. Now I was smart enough and didn't tell her all this but I really thought this was the one. Thanks again for the replies.

livedadream · 06-05-2016 3:52pm

My password is.... wrote: »

Simple scenario. Boy meets girl. They date for a couple of months. Girl calls a halt. 3 months later boy is still completely head wrecked over girl. Boy fell hard for girl and still has deep feelings for girl. Question is, anyone with experience of this happening to them and how did they combat the issue? Not expecting to get back together, but would just like to go a day without thinking about girl!

Thanks for your time.

ah young love, time unfortunately is the only thing,

my best advise is a good amount of tom waits, a few nights out and time.

it sounds like a crock of ****e but eventually you will stop thinking about her as much...

maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week or month but eventually..

KikiDee · 06-05-2016 3:54pm

Hey OP,

It really does just take time. You'll wake up one day and go about your life and at some stage of the day, you'll realise that sick feeling in the pit of your belly is gone.

Get out and about, focus on things that will take your mind off her. You'll get there

livedadream · 06-05-2016 3:55pm

KikiDee wrote: »

Hey OP,

It really does just take time. You'll wake up one day and go about your life and at some stage of the day, you'll realise that sick feeling in the pit of your belly is gone.

Get out and about, focus on things that will take your mind off her. You'll get there

did you ever end up breaking poor Eltons heart Kiki?

KikiDee · 06-05-2016 3:57pm

livedadream wrote: »

did you ever end up breaking poor Eltons heart Kiki?

He broke mine actually

livedadream · 06-05-2016 4:02pm

KikiDee wrote: »

He broke mine actually

sorry to hear that,

i though he couldn't if he tried :-)

or did he just get restless?

KikiDee · 06-05-2016 4:03pm

livedadream wrote: »

sorry to hear that,

i though he couldn't if he tried :-)

or did he just get restless?

He lied...sad times!

livedadream · 06-05-2016 4:05pm

KikiDee wrote: »

He lied...sad times!

awww, time is a great healer, and music ;-)

KikiDee · 06-05-2016 4:07pm

livedadream wrote: »

awww, time is a great healer, and music ;-)

As long as it ain't Elton

Red Kev · 06-05-2016 4:16pm

Op, I'm in my 40s and have been in your situation a couple of times.

My honest advice to you is to go out and find someone else, you'll forget her quicker. The new relationship might be a ONS or something a lot longer but in my experience it helps. I've done what you are doing and spent every waking hour thinking of an ex but at the end of the day it just destroys you inside and you have started to recognise that.

Time is the best healer, but the sooner you meet another person the better.

^ That's what works for me, doesn't work for everyone.

Frank Bullitt · 06-05-2016 7:06pm

Get active in your head.

I recently started to keep a journal, which I find is helping an incredible amount. I also go to a counsellor now, this is more to do with other things though that were sparked from seeing an ex move on.

Focus on yourself with this, its probably age old advice, but honestly its the best medicine.

Plenty other fish out there man.

LegacyUser · 06-05-2016 8:43pm

Thanks for all the replies and even the references to Elton and Kiki!

Oh young love, well that was a long time ago and I am in my 40s as well. So this kind of heartache is not confined to the young 'uns!!!

livedadream · 07-05-2016 8:44pm

My password is.... wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies and even the references to Elton and Kiki!

Oh young love, well that was a long time ago and I am in my 40s as well. So this kind of heartache is not confined to the young 'uns!!!

i did mean the love was young not that you were, young love like the song? by donny osmond?

hope you at least found out that we all fall hard somethings, just try not to let it dampen any future moments for you.

Fell Big Time

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