Help

Attacktim

I'm really needing some advice, my life is such a mess at the moment, my relationship is over with my partner she wants nothing to do with me anymore, I'm unemployed and my weekends are filled with me drinking far too much, falling out with people and making very silly choices which could potentially end in tragedy
I'm not young I'm early 30s I
Just don't know what to do my life is out of control
What do I do? My ex has currently blocked me from contact I feel so alone

gifted

Attacktim wrote: »

I'm really needing some advice, my life is such a mess at the moment, my relationship is over with my partner she wants nothing to do with me anymore, I'm unemployed and my weekends are filled with me drinking far too much, falling out with people and making very silly choices which could potentially end in tragedy
I'm not young I'm early 30s I
Just don't know what to do my life is out of control
What do I do? My ex has currently blocked me from contact I feel so alone

I'd suggest getting professional help op...your not old, early 30's is young....get your life in order and cut out drinking for a start...

Big Bag of Chips

Did drink play a part in your gf leaving? It's no fun wasting your life on someone who drinks far too much, far too often and does stupid things. It's not complicated or mysterious what you need to do. You need to get your drinking under control. I can guarantee you that you are not a nice person to be around. Why would you expect your gf to stay in that sort of situation? If you cared about her you'd want her to be happy. You're not happy. But you can be. Make a promise to yourself today that you will go to your GP. They will speak to you, guide you, help you and point you in the direction of proper help.

You cannot control whether or not your ex comes back into your life. But you can take control of your drinking. Once you do that you will find everything in your life gets better.

1) Leave your ex alone. That chapter is closed for now. You need to focus on yourself

2) Visit a GP or some other form of help. You can find low cost help, if need be. Work on your drinking. Work on your overall mood. Work on yourself.

3) Find something else to fill in the gap in your weekends where drinking would be. Join a club. Go exercising. Meet people. Go for coffee. Anything that doesn't involve alcohol being consumed

4) Are you on the dole? Look into what services they provide. Consider taking up a springboard college course. Take on an internship. Reskill. Upskill. Whatever you might need to do.

silverharp

let her go mate! I think you need to use the failure of the relationship to have a look at yourself. Cut out the drinking and start looking at how you can turn your life around.

Attacktim

Hi it's op here
I really can't go to the doctor
I live in a local village and I'm too embarrassed I also think I'm not addicted to alcohol I could give it up without help
I'm just using it as a crutch to forget how crap my life is
My ex is the big issue I check her up on Facebook constantly and she's getting on great with her life
I just don't see a way out of all this

Attacktim

Attacktim wrote: »

Hi it's op here
I really can't go to the doctor
I live in a local village and I'm too embarrassed I also think I'm not addicted to alcohol I could give it up without help
I'm just using it as a crutch to forget how crap my life is
My ex is the big issue I check her up on Facebook constantly and she's getting on great with her life
I just don't see a way out of all this

You're going to either have to suck up your embarrassment or go look for help somewhere else. No offense, but at your current state I don't think you're strong enough to help yourself. Especially if you're ending your post with "I don't see a way out of all of this". You need someone who can help you see a way - someone who knows what they're talking about.

Re) you mentioning you're not addicted to alcohol - have you tried giving it up? Many alcoholics are in denial about their issues. Test yourself. Go without alcohol for as long as you can. If you struggle, then you really need to examine that.

Big Bag of Chips

Your doctor will have seen and heard it all before. And he will not be sharing the news with anyone else. If you don't think you need to go to the doctor, then that's fine. But don't let fear or embarrassment or any other silly reason keep you from going.

Your ex is enjoying herself, and I'm happy for her. But you can have that life too. All too often people who use drink as a crutch as you say you do, have this mentality that they are somehow being wronged by the world. Their life is really tough/stressful/whatever and they are entitled to a few drinks to relax or enjoy themselves. The problem is when a few drinks is never enough, and you're not really enjoying yourself all that much if you think about it.

It's being stuck in that mind frame that stops you trying something different. What you're doing now isn't working too good for you. So something's got to change. You can sit pining over your ex for the next 18 months if you like, still drinking, still fighting, (still drink driving?) Or you can decide to make changes.

Your ex doesn't like the person you are now. You don't even like the person you are now, so why would you not try to change?

racso1975

you state you are unemployed did this all start to go pear shape when you were let go or have you been unemployed for a while?

KikiDee

Hey OP,

Sorry for what you're going through buddy. It's rough. And to be perfectly honest, I was in your position not so long ago myself. Fair enough, I had my job (how I held onto it I'll never know!). This is going to sound super cliched but time heals all. I look back to the person I was 4 months ago and I really don't recognise myself.

Stop the facebook stalking thing. I drove myself demented doing it! Come off facebook if you have to. I did and I really don't miss it one little bit. You're less inclined to fb stalk if your account isn't active. This isn't a competition. People deal with relationship break downs in completely different ways. If getting out and about and enjoying life is her way of moving, why not give it a go yourself? Find a hobby. Watch a TV series you never watched with her. Give yourself time. Focus on you.

You say you live in a small village? Ring your local HSE about services outside of the village. It's OK to have a little help from time to time.

You don't see a way out of this right now but I promise you, everyone of us have been where you are and we've all come through it. You will too OP. You just need to believe that you will.

Also...early 30's?? Shur you're only a spring chicken!!

Attacktim

Hey lads, op here
After the whole day soul searching yesterday and kicking myself for being so stupid I have came to a few conclusions...

Firstly I'm going to knock the booze on the head, it's bringing nothing but added drama

I'm forgetting my ex, she isn't the woman I need if she's willing to leave me when I'm at my lowest and to be honest her behaviour hasn't been the best since we split either, she's more than willing to be in my life when she's benefitting but then she's gone and dosent care what happens

I've deleted Facebook and the app from my phone it's time to stop going on there for a bit, until I feel stronger

I'm going to apply for more jobs, maybe even a course I'm going to make a plan and stick to it

I really feel knocking the booze on the head will make every aspect of my life better I'll be much more focused

Life is bloody hard guys isn't it

Big Bag of Chips

Attacktim wrote: »

I'm forgetting my ex, she isn't the woman I need if she's willing to leave me when I'm at my lowest and to be honest her behaviour hasn't been the best since we split either, she's more than willing to be in my life when she's benefitting but then she's gone and dosent care what happens

Be careful! Be careful of falling into the pity trap! Your gf was right to leave you. If she hadn't left you you'd still be carrying on as you were not giving much thought to giving up drinking! She did you a favour. Also don't be too quick to assume she's having a great time, or using you or whatever. She obviously loved you for staying with you for so long. It's understandable she might be confused about her feelings for you. Thinking things will be ok between you both, then realising it won't. It's really not all that unusual to keep going back to an ex for friendship/companionship whatever, for a while after a break up. And it confuses everyone. Forget about your ex, but don't direct misplaced anger at her.

Giving up Facebook and booze will transform your life!!! I'm not even slightly joking!

Good luck.

Attacktim

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Be careful! Be careful of falling into the pity trap! Your gf was right to leave you. If she hadn't left you you'd still be carrying on as you were not giving much thought to giving up drinking! She did you a favour. Also don't be too quick to assume she's having a great time, or using you or whatever. She obviously loved you for staying with you for so long. It's understandable she might be confused about her feelings for you. Thinking things will be ok between you both, then realising it won't. It's really not all that unusual to keep going back to an ex for friendship/companionship whatever, for a while after a break up. And it confuses everyone. Forget about your ex, but don't direct misplaced anger at her.

Giving up Facebook and booze will transform your life!!! I'm not even slightly joking!

Good luck.

Your right man, thanks but I just felt I had her on a pedestal and if she came back I'd magically be ok, but deep down I know it's wrong to blame my unhappiness on anyone but me

Yes I was constantly on Facebook feeling terrible because all my friends and aquatintences look so happy and sorted and I'm going backwards
A few years ago my life was going so well, and I ruined it but funnily enough when I had everything I didn't appreciate it either
I always wanted more and looking back now if I had it now I'd be the happiest man alive
And alcohol has been the 1 thing that was always there when I lost everything
The common denominator

Big Bag of Chips

Attacktim wrote: »

funnily enough when I had everything I didn't appreciate it either

Very few people ever do. Don't be too hard on yourself though. You've taken the right steps to turn things around for yourself. There's a non-drinkers forum here on Boards.ie. You might find a bit of support, and craic, over there. Giving up the booze doesn't have to mean the end of your social life and having the craic!

Wesser

That is one very wise big bag of chips.