28 and just came out to family need support

newguyintown

Hi everyone,

First time poster. I would really appreciate some advice from you guys on my current issue. Basically I'm a 28 year old guy who just came out gay to my entire family over the bank holiday weekend. They took the news great and and thankfully I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My 29th Birthday is soon so I was determined to come out before this.

Being in the closet was such a lonely experience and I'm glad to finally be out. But I still have so many other hang ups that I am trying to work through. To cut a long story short I've never dated anyone, never had a relationship with anyone and I've never slept with anyone all these years. All my mates are very macho and homophobia is something that has caused me to remain closeted for such a long time and I guess I just couldn't bring myself to date girls and lead them up the garden path as I knew 100% that I was gay. I've kissed girls on nights out just to save face but this was just for show.

I've been told by loads of people that I'm an attractive guy. But I often look at myself in the mirror and feel really ugly. I'm 6' 2" tall and weigh just 10 stone. I've had checks done to see if I've got a condition known as Marfans syndrome and thankfully it came back negative, but I still have the physical appearance of those with the condition (think Peter Crouch). Because of my scrawny appearance I often hide my body away behind layers of clothing in order to look relatively normal in public. I do this every day and if I don't I literally can't leave my house. People have often shouted abuse at me for my appearance and the cumulative effect of this has lead me to developing social anxiety which is something I've battled since my early 20's.

Anyhow I really want to start living my life to the fullest now and I want to meet a nice guy. I just fear that my lack of intimate relationships will turn guys off. I'm from Cork city and my friend from work (she's a lesbian) had told me that the gay scene here is very close knitted and everyone knows everyones business. Lately my curiosity got the better of me and I began looking through some of her mates on facebook to see if I recognised any of them and she happens to be friends with some guys I had gone to school with who turned out to be gay too. I was never close to these guys as they kinda kept to themselves where as I tended to pal around with those involved with rugby/soccer. From my lurking I can see that these guys appear to have gone on to lead really interesting lives and seem successful/popular these days. Now I feel like the biggest loser! They had the courage to come out and make a name for themselves within the gay community whilst I hid away in the closet thinking I had the upper hand.

I just fear that once I start putting myself out there (into the gay community) these guys that I knew from old will remember me and mock or shun me for not coming out sooner. No doubt we will cross paths at some stage as Cork isn't exactly that big. Apologies for this ridiculously long post and I am perhaps blowing all of my issues up into something they are not but it's all I can think about these days. I just really needed to vent! Can you guys tell me how I could possibly begin forging relationships within the lgbt community? My mate from work told me she will take me out with her some night soon but I am kinda anxious yet excited about it! any thoughts or advice on my situation is much appreciated!

P

mansize

Hi!

Anyone that mocks you for not coming out sooner is a douche! Congrats and well done for coming out everyone has there own time thats right.

6'2" and 10st, I wish that was me! But seriously we all have hangups about our bodies, but clothes I reckon would look way better on you than most people.

I don't know much about the cork scene, sure theres a few here who can guide you better.

But Well done.

nkav86

Hey OP like the poster above the cork scene is not my area, but I did just want to say congrats on coming out and I'm delighted your family took it so well!

Ten of Swords

Well done op, congratulations. Try not to let any attitudes your friends have displayed in the past deter you, people can surprise you sometimes.

If you are ready to head out maybe you should take your friend up on her offer and let her introduce you to the scene and perhaps a few of her friends, it can be daunting doing this alone.