childrend allowance not happy

dangle_berrys

single dad to 2 kids , 5 and 3

my ex gets the childrens allowance , but she earns 65k a year and i'm unemployed at the min

i have them alot , every tue eve , all wed , thur morning i bring to school , then i have them every second weekend fri afternoon-sunday eve , is that fair that she gets all of it ?

she said shes keeping the money to save for a deposit while im on the breadline , i provide food and clothes etc , and the days i dont have them i go see them , i see them 6 days a week

do i have any right to any of this money ?

wokingvoter

You have your children overnight 4 nights out of 14
Your ex has your kids the other 10 nights
Who buys their shoes clothes school uniforms bedclothes haircuts drives them to school/ birthday parties/swimming/ Irish dancing etc?

Lady is a tramp

Legally, nope, only the parent with primary care and control is entitled to the allowance, and they are free to spend it as they wish.

In reality some parents may choose to split the allowance, but no, you don't have any "right" to any portion of it.

dangle_berrys

wokingvoter wrote: »

You have your children overnight 4 nights out of 14
Your ex has your kids the other 10 nights
Who buys their shoes clothes school uniforms bedclothes haircuts drives them to school/ birthday parties/swimming/ Irish dancing etc?

we split all costs

i have them 6 nights

every tue / wed and second weekend fri/sat

dangle_berrys

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

Legally, nope, only the parent with primary care and control is entitled to the allowance, and they are free to spend it as they wish.

In reality some parents may choose to split the allowance, but no, you don't have any "right" to any portion of it.

as usual the dad gets fooked over as per usual

arayess

dangle_berrys wrote: »

as usual the dad gets fooked over as per usual

this is true
I queried this before and I was told it takes a court order stating that the allowance go elsewhere for the childrens allowance to be removed from the mother.

regardless of custody.

it sucks alright

dangle_berrys

arayess wrote: »

this is true
I queried this before and I was told it takes a court order stating that the allowance go elsewhere for the childrens allowance to be removed from the mother.

regardless of custody.

it sucks alright

she earns 65k a year , doesn't use it for kids , already owns a property but looking to upscale by using the money to save for a deposit

dangle_berrys

arayess wrote: »

this is true
I queried this before and I was told it takes a court order stating that the allowance go elsewhere for the childrens allowance to be removed from the mother.

regardless of custody.

it sucks alright

she earns 65k a year , doesn't use it for kids , already owns a property but looking to upscale by using the money to save for a deposit

dangle_berrys

not like i want it all or half

as far as i know she gets €270 a month , if i got 70 of that it would help pay for certain things , but not budge on her

wokingvoter

dangle_berrys wrote: »

we split all costs

i have them 6 nights

every tue / wed and second weekend fri/sat

You have them Tuesday night Wednesday night and every other Friday night and Saturday night. So every fortnight you have them 4 nights . Out of 14 nights you have them 4 nights. Is that not what your saying?

dangle_berrys

wokingvoter wrote: »

You have them Tuesday night Wednesday night and every other Friday night and Saturday night. So every fortnight you have them 4 nights . Out of 14 nights you have them 4 nights. Is that not what your saying?

can you not read ?

every week 2 nights ( so 4 in 14 days )

then

fri/sat every second week ( so thats another 2 )

wokingvoter

dangle_berrys wrote: »

she earns 65k a year , doesn't use it for kids , already owns a property but looking to upscale by using the money to save for a deposit

What do you mean doesn't use it for the kids? Do you children not get driven around in your wife's car? Who pays for that? You? Do they go to bed cold and hungry in your wife's house every night?are they dressed in rags? Barefoot? When she moves to a bigger house are they not going to live with her?

ElleEm

dangle_berrys wrote: »

can you not read ?

every week 2 nights ( so 4 in 14 days )

then

fri/sat every second week ( so thats another 2 )

There is no need to be smart.

You still have your children in your care less than their mother, which is why she is recieving the allowance for the children. Have you explained your financial situation to her? You could ask if she could provide all of the clothes or something until you find yourself in a better financial situation.

Speedwell

Maybe you'd like it better if she didn't have a well-paying job? What exactly is the problem with her having a job? You are not entitled to her money, give over.

doc11

dangle_berrys wrote: »

she earns 65k a year , doesn't use it for kids , already owns a property but looking to upscale by using the money to save for a deposit

Well go find yourself a 65k job then. Do you not get €30 for each child on jobseekers?

alwaysadub

wokingvoter wrote: »

What do you mean doesn't use it for the kids? Do you children not get driven around in your wife's car? Who pays for that? You? Do they go to bed cold and hungry in your wife's house every night?are they dressed in rags? Barefoot? When she moves to a bigger house are they not going to live with her?

He's already said she's using the allowance to save for a house- she uses her wages for the kids.

dangle_berrys

wokingvoter wrote: »

What do you mean doesn't use it for the kids? Do you children not get driven around in your wife's car? Who pays for that? You? Do they go to bed cold and hungry in your wife's house every night?are they dressed in rags? Barefoot? When she moves to a bigger house are they not going to live with her?

she drives them around in car she's had before they were born , like ME

we share costs of clothes , food , everything is spli

she already has a house ( which she had before we met ) , as have i ( ive a mortgage too )

i drive a car , i look after my kids probably more than 95% of dads out there

why don't i get anything ?

dangle_berrys

so as a father who has his kids 6 nights out of 14 ( she has 8 nights )

who i have to provide , heat & food & clothes , despite being unemployed , is that fair that she gets all the money ?

tomwaits48

dangle_berrys wrote: »

so as a father who has his kids 6 nights out of 14 ( she has 8 nights )

who i have to provide , heat & food & clothes , despite being unemployed , is that fair that she gets all the money ?

It's hardly her fault your unemployed.

arayess

dangle_berrys wrote: »

not like i want it all or half

as far as i know she gets €270 a month , if i got 70 of that it would help pay for certain things , but not budge on her

then go to court and state your case.

you signed up to this deal so it's on you.
if you didn't do a deal then go to court and do one.

you have the power to change this but aren'tof doing so.
you are ranting on an internet forum instead.

I'll doubt you will win in court being honest but the child allowance can be taken into account in other maintenance you may pay .

how she uses (or not) the childrens allowance isn't an issue - she will reasonably argue it goes into the pot and the kids aren't going without.

Straight Edge Punk

You are really asking in the wrong place. All you will get here is women who will jump to her defence and say you are completely in the wrong.

I am in a similar situation to yourself (i am working though). I have more time with my daughter more than her mother does but I am not entitled to any of her childrens allowance while I am also paying her maintenance.

ElleEm

dangle_berrys wrote: »

why don't i get anything ?

Because the primary carer gets the allowance as the children spend more time with them. With their primary care giver, they eat more, wear more, accrue more washing, use more resources like electricity, fuel, etc. The children's allowance assists with that through the PRIMARY care giver. That money doesn't cover all of that and would need to be supplemented by your ex's wages. What she earns is none of your business.

You are also getting the same amount of money for the kids through social welfare a month. Children's allowance for two is €280 per month and €29 per child x 4 weeks not far off it.

Pawwed Rig

Unfortunately you are a man and therefore not considered an equal parent by the State. The money goes to the mother in all circumstances barring her death or a court order.
You could certainly challenge this but it might be risky as she essentially decides whether you can see your kids or not. She seems to allow you to have decent access so it might be too risky to challenge her in any way here. Remember she has all the cards.

The comments above demonstrate the ingrained sexism that exists on this society against Fathers. Were you the mother in the same situation there would already be pages of posts supporting you and condemning the other parent.

There is little you can do here.

The Raptor

ElleEm wrote: »

Because the primary carer gets the allowance as the children spend more time with them. With their primary care giver, they eat more, wear more, accrue more washing, use more resources like electricity, fuel, etc. The children's allowance assists with that through the PRIMARY care giver. That money doesn't cover all of that and would need to be supplemented by your ex's wages. What she earns is none of your business.

Do the kids not eat at their dads? Do they not wear clothes that need washing, especially with two young kids splilling food, drinks, colouring themselves. Do the kids not need heating at their dads?

He has them 6 nights. 4 of those school nights, does he not take them to school in the morning?

The mother doesn't need it. She saves it for house number 2.

The father clearly needs the money the mother gets for their kids.

mp22

Closed.