What should I do?

inspirationJ

Hi guys,

Well basically I've been with this girl for nearly a year (18F) and I'm a (25m). Now I know some people will find the age difference a little weird and everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I'm worried that the relationship won't last

She's only going into 6th year now whereas I have a full time job. I feel somewhat selfish for even being in a relationship with her as she has her whole young adult life ahead of her and I don't want to be the one to hold her back from experiencing the whole college experience. Sometimes I feel it's morally wrong that I'm continuing this relationship even though we do have feelings for eachother.

The parents know about me and the father was in fact happy she got with an older person but I really don't want to hold her back even though she insists I'm not and won't but I've been thinking lately is this really what's best for both us considering the different life stages we're at

Most people will find guys who go with younger girls "creeps" or only in it for the sex but I'm genuinely not and I'd do anything for the girl to make her happy. My happiness doesn't really come into it as I want what's best for her and things will fall into place for me

I really don't want to break up with her over it as we have a connection but I don't want to hold her back. She says that if we ever break up she'll be devastated and I just want her to be happy so I'm afraid to break up with her for that reason and don't want to hurt her

I really don't know what to do and hoping someone can help me or advise me as last thing I want for us is to break up but as said above I don't want to hold her back from the things she should experience at that age

Thanks

LegacyUser

Maybe being with you is the factor that will make her happy with the next period of her life, or the whole of her life. Lots of people start lifelong relationships quite young and go on to be happy. And here's the thing, that's for her to decide. You, like a lot of people in similar positions, appear to have taken on the burden of a decision in isolation. You've got an idea into your head and got your knickers in a twist about it, when in fact there may be no issue. Maybe this is exactly what she wants in life, maybe her father was happy because he knows his daughter and he's happy things are working out as she wants them to.

She's 18, not 8. And not an idiot. Her part of the decisions are hers to make, not yours. There is a joint process in arriving at them and you play your part in those, but don't make choices for her.

Xterminator

Just communicate with each other and let her know your are concerned about this and see how she feels!

why you would consider breaking up with someone because they might want something different in the future - thinking like that is futile. As long as you are not holding her back now, - thats the main thing. communicatation is the key.

And as for the age, i think that it is a problem in your head. You seem to have a hangup about it. What other people think doesnt matter. Its what you both think, and the fact her parents are not calling you all sorts behind your back is a good thing! One less obstacle.

X

ChampagnePop

She's old for her class if she's 18 in 5th year. You started going out when she was in 4th year, surely that was much more of an issue then, when her school friends were 15 only turning 16?

inspirationJ

Xterminator wrote: »

Just communicate with each other and let her know your are concerned about this and see how she feels!

why you would consider breaking up with someone because they might want something different in the future - thinking like that is futile. As long as you are not holding her back now, - thats the main thing. communicatation is the key.

And as for the age, i think that it is a problem in your head. You seem to have a hangup about it. What other people think doesnt matter. Its what you both think, and the fact her parents are not calling you all sorts behind your back is a good thing! One less obstacle.

X

Thanks for the reply. Yeah maybe I'm thinking into it too much and everything will work out just fine. I know she'd rather come see me during the week than do homework in the evening which is worrying though and I've tried suggesting meeting weekends but this isn't enough for her and her mom is starting to get on her back about it which I understand and agree with

I don't want to be the reason why she isn't doing it but If I refuse to meet her during the week she'll get depressed/pissy with everyone and if she's like this in school god knows what college will be like when we can only meet weekends. It just feels like it's going to become an issue which I don't want to happen

ChampagnePop wrote: »

She's old for her class if she's 18 in 5th year. You started going out when she was in 4th year, surely that was much more of an issue then, when her school friends were 15 only turning 16?

Well we actually randomly met and weren't officially going out until summer holidays last year and we were just friends but things just developed. She didn't tell her parents until about 3months ago (even though I said just mention it) as she was afraid of what would happen with the age gap and all but the parents didn't see much wrong with it and all the lies of meeting with friends weren't worth it

Dughorm

inspirationJ wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. Yeah maybe I'm thinking into it too much and everything will work out just fine. I know she'd rather come see me during the week than do homework in the evening which is worrying though and I've tried suggesting meeting weekends but this isn't enough for her and her mom is starting to get on her back about it which I understand and agree with

I don't want to be the reason why she isn't doing it but If I refuse to meet her during the week she'll get depressed/pissy with everyone and if she's like this in school god knows what college will be like when we can only meet weekends. It just feels like it's going to become an issue which I don't want to happen

Is the real issue here that you are uneasy about the age gap?