Graduation issue

crumble_15

I am due to graduate in the next couple of months but I'm really torn about what to do. This is a pretty big graduation for me and comes after five years of intense study (and with it, a particularly difficult time for me) so I really want to be able to celebrate it.

Here's the problem: I'm concerned about my dad attending. He's an alcoholic and can be very up and down with his drinking (one week he might be really bad, then another week he could be ok) so it's really difficult to gauge how he'll be. On top of that, he doesn't have a great track record when it comes to family events and will almost always show up drunk. I don't want to invite him at all - I'll spend the whole time stressed out about him (not just on the day, but during the lead up to the event too). The issue is that if I invite my mother she will insist on my father coming. So, essentially I know that I either invite them both, or invite neither!

I'm really concerned and don't know how to handle this. I'm seriously considering just not going so I don't have to deal with it.

Thanks for reading.

Musefan

Hey. I was in a similar situation myself. In the end, I made the decision just to go with my gut and didn't invite the problematic parent. I celebrated with them on a different day. Sometimes the tickets for these events are very limited anyway and it's usually 2 max per person. Why not keep one ticket for a parent and gift the other to a friend. This is your graduation, you get to do it once. Between photos, lining up and waiting, you won't get to see the person you invite much anyway!

dori_dormer

Personally I would take the view that your father is your mothers responsibility, if she insists on him coming even if he is drunk.

At my graduation, the students had to turn up an hour before hand to get their robes and take the photo. Then we had to queue all together before being filed in to get our certs.
I have no idea where my parents sat, as I didn't see them until we were all back outside.

If you are concerned about his behaviour you could just all make a quick exit. It's unlikely anyone will know he's your dad anyway.

As for a party/ dinner afterwards that's up to you if you want that or not.

crumble_15

Thanks both for your replies, I really appreciate it.

I won't be able to leave them on their own as my supervisor will be there and has been asking about meeting them! So I won't really be able to hide them away either.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Your dad has made an issue for himself OP. I'm very sorry to hear this, but you can't let his issues ruin such a momentous day for you.

I'd talk to him and make it absolutely crystal clear that he either shows up sober or doesn't show up at all. It's your day, you've worked hard for it and that's what matters.

Dughorm

crumble_15 wrote: »

Thanks both for your replies, I really appreciate it.

I won't be able to leave them on their own as my supervisor will be there and has been asking about meeting them! So I won't really be able to hide them away either.

Why would your supervisor want to meet them? This I think is a main source of stress here - you can't control what your father will do or say and may embarrass you on your important day.

Tell your supervisor they can't make it and invite friends/siblings instead - problem sorted.

LegacyUser

Dughorm wrote: »

Why would your supervisor want to meet them? This I think is a main source of stress here - you can't control what your father will do or say and may embarrass you on your important day.

Tell your supervisor they can't make it and invite friends/siblings instead - problem sorted.

This! Your supervisor has other students too. They were probably being polite in mentioning meeting your parents. It's hardly going to make or break their day if they do or don't meet them. I'd imagine they wouldn't even notice. If your supervisor actually knew you well enough where meeting your parents was something they wanted to do, they'd know that this was not something that you were comfortable with. So I'd completely put that idea re your supervisor out of your head if I were you. I'd be 99% sure that's social convention on their part, and feck all else to it.

intheclouds

Just dont invite them and tell your supervisor they cant make it.

FizzleSticks

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c_meth

Attending graduations isn't compulsory. Just don't go, problem solved. Never really saw the point of them personally...