Single and restless

silverbolt

Ok I'm single now for the last 9 months - and its the longest I have been since i was 22 so thirteen years nearly.

And i find myself feeling strange. Its hard to describe, I work weird hours across two jobs and I do go out at the weekends and i do have an active social life in many regards considering week days Im at work mornings afternoons and night.

But on my down time I find myself restless and missing having a partner. So far there has only been one person that looked like it could go somewhere - but even though we are very good friends now I realised that due to various reasons we would not be good for each other in that way.

Other than that, chatted to a few women online but never really had any interest, my ex is snooping around trying to get back together (thats not going to happen) and i remain hopeful.

Just wondering if anyone has some perspective on why I'm feeling like this? At first i thought it was just my brain rewiring itself but it seems to be taking an awful long time.............

batmanrobin

Hi OP, I note in a previous post the last relationship wasn't good? Have you dealt with everything from that? Emotions etc. do you feel ready to date? Properly ready, I mean, as opposed to trying to convince yourself that you are.

I imagine you feel the way you do because you miss having someone to share your life with. It can be tough adjusting to being single after a long time in a relationship.

If you feel ready to get out there, go for it. Just keep it in mind that it might take a while.

silverbolt

batmanrobin wrote: »

Hi OP, I note in a previous post the last relationship wasn't good? Have you dealt with everything from that? Emotions etc. do you feel ready to date? Properly ready, I mean, as opposed to trying to convince yourself that you are.

I imagine you feel the way you do because you miss having someone to share your life with. It can be tough adjusting to being single after a long time in a relationship.

If you feel ready to get out there, go for it. Just keep it in mind that it might take a while.

Apart from knowing she is still stalking my fb (ive her blocked havent seen her since August and dont want to), yes i do feel i am. It makes me wary naturally enough but I'm not judging everyone i meet on what she was like.

Yes I do feel I'm ready to date - but I have found im becoming very selective. My standards appear to have gone up and I am not inclined to settle (which i did somewhat with the last one) so I guess thats personal growth.

I dont feel a need to be in a relationship and usually I'm quite happy in my own company, but these days not so much and i dont understand why.

batmanrobin

Being selective is a good thing. No point in being with someone for the sake of it.

Like you, I'm quite content in my own company, but I do get lonely for a more intimate connection. I think most people do. It's not about needing someone more so it's about wanting to have a special connection with someone, to get excited about them and learn what makes them tick.

Humans are social creatures and we do crave interaction and companionship and sex. Perhaps after everything with your ex you realise you're ready for something good and that's why you're restless? At least now you know what to avoid.

I'd say what you're feeling is perfectly normal. You're obviously at the stage now where you're ready to put yourself out there again so you're getting restless waiting for it to happen.

SarahMollie

I think singleness suits some people more than others OP, and it sounds like maybe its not for you?!

From what you've said, it sounds to me like you're in a good head space to date, for example youve recognized where you went wrong last time, by acknowledging overlooked some red flags in relation to your ex.

What are you doing to put yourself out there OP? Do you have any friends who might set you up? If I were single, I'd be asking my friends to let me know who they think might be suitable for me.

You have to maximize your chances!

Virgil°

but it seems to be taking an awful long time

In the context of being in relationships constantly for 13 years and probably most of your adult life, I'd say 9 months is quite a short time to become accustomed to such a drastic change in your routine.

It might feel like the pits sometimes but try to think of it as an opportunity. By your post I take it you're in your mid thirties? You're still a young man by all accounts. Take the opportunity to expand yourself , engage yourself in activities that you've always wondered about but never had the time to immerse yourself in due to relationship commitments. The relationship stuff will come again naturally when you're ready. And you'll be all the better for it having properly experienced singledom.

Lastly fair play for identifying that your previous serious relationship just wasn't the one and acting on it. So many people, several I know personally, settle for relationships that they're only kinda happy in for fear of loneliness. Takes cojones to do what you did.

silverbolt

SarahMollie wrote: »

I think singleness suits some people more than others OP, and it sounds like maybe its not for you?!

From what you've said, it sounds to me like you're in a good head space to date, for example youve recognized where you went wrong last time, by acknowledging overlooked some red flags in relation to your ex.

What are you doing to put yourself out there OP? Do you have any friends who might set you up? If I were single, I'd be asking my friends to let me know who they think might be suitable for me.

You have to maximize your chances!

You know thats actually an idea i hadnt considered. I might ask around on my male and female friends. See whats out there.

Virgil° wrote: »

In the context of being in relationships constantly for 13 years and probably most of your adult life, I'd say 9 months is quite a short time to become accustomed to such a drastic change in your routine.

It might feel like the pits sometimes but try to think of it as an opportunity. By your post I take it you're in your mid thirties? You're still a young man by all accounts. Take the opportunity to expand yourself , engage yourself in activities that you've always wondered about but never had the time to immerse yourself in due to relationship commitments. The relationship stuff will come again naturally when you're ready. And you'll be all the better for it having properly experienced singledom.

Lastly fair play for identifying that your previous serious relationship just wasn't the one and acting on it. So many people, several I know personally, settle for relationships that they're only kinda happy in for fear of loneliness. Takes cojones to do what you did.

Maybe you have a point. I have taken up new things, started playing bass again (which i havent done in over a decade) and learning the alto sax. Ive got back into painting and playing more games.

Guess i just need to keep occupied. Its just such a wierd feeling and i dont know what to do with it.

Confucius say

silverbolt wrote: »

Guess i just need to keep occupied. Its just such a wierd feeling and i dont know what to do with it.

You're making it sound like it's a bad thing having all this time to yourself. It's pretty blissful if you allow it to be. In 5 years you could be knee deep in baby sh*t sleeping 1 or 2 hours a night.
Enjoy it while you can.

silverbolt

Confucius say wrote: »

You're making it sound like it's a bad thing having all this time to yourself. It's pretty blissful if you allow it to be. In 5 years you could be knee deep in baby sh*t sleeping 1 or 2 hours a night.
Enjoy it while you can.

Gee cant wait for that :p:p