Overreaction?

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

Just want to judge where my reaction lies through hopefully some objective views from the people here. Facts first

- Live with one of my best mates from College, know each other 7 years, been living together for almost 5 in a 3 bed apartment.

- Lads in our mid twenties

- Scheduled to go travelling with him for a few months later on in the year

- Original 3rd housemate (another mate of ours) moved out in November 2014, we ended up with a younger female (21) replacement unknown to both of us

- Cutting it short; always thought they'd a weird relationship (she'd be wearing his trackies/hoodies from time to time) and did suspect something had happened maybe once or twice. However out on a night out recently one of her friends let slip to me that they'd been shagging for the past 4/5 months.

- Initially I was like, good for them doesn't really bother me. However having thought about it I'm actually very disappointed in both of them wrt to the lack of respect shown. They've obviously gone to some lengths to keep this under wraps (nothing overt had come to my attention) and I do feel very pissed off at my mate for keeping this from me. I'm trying to find out if any of our wider circle knew all along, as to me that'd be a pretty big deal if I was the only one who was kept in the dark. There's a weird dynamic in the apartment now too. I'm not sure how to approach it tbh.

Do I have a right to be pissed off I'm wondering? Or is it none of my business and an overreaction?

CaraMay

No you don't. They are doing a good job of not pushing their affair into your face so I think they are being very good flat mates.

Keane2baMused

Why would you be annoyed at them for not telling you?

Their private lives have nothing to do with you. I understand given its your best mate you probably feel hurt he didn't confide in you but unfortunately the 'title' doesn't give you right to know everything.

They have probably done you a favour keeping it secret all along. Now it's all out it may feel very 'in your face' in the house which might get awkward.

SarahMollie

I kinda get it OP.

I think its one thing for people to keep a "one off" between themselves, but 4/5 months in, is it more than just "shagging"? In my experience, if its going on that long, there are likely feelings involved. Obviously people had a right to privacy but keeping secrets for a long period of time is not going to be good for your friendship, and surely your friend must be able to appreciate that.

Do you know if they're now a couple or if its more of a FWB situation?

I'm sure you didn't sign up to live with a couple, and that would dramatically alter the dynamics in a 3bed apartment.

I think you should talk to him as he's your mate, and find out whats going on. Once you handle it properly (ie don't loose your temper) there is no harm in asking why he felt fit to keep you in the dark. It doesn't have to turn into some huge deal, but its no harm to let him know you're a bit miffed to say the least and that you don't appreciate being made feel the odd one out in your living situation.

matt-dublin

Sounds like you might be a bit jelous op?

Are your are you just pissed they told others and not you?

IMO I think they did the right thing as it can be quite tough for someone to live with a couple when they're single.

If I was you (and you're not jelous) I would ask them about it and if they're at it and expect to continue (possible relationship etc) maybe just ask them not to be overly couply in the apartment?

You might say that it might not bother you but it will, especially since he's your best mate etc

Dial Hard

UnhappyHousemate2016 wrote: »

However having thought about it I'm actually very disappointed in both of them wrt to the lack of respect shown.

How on earth have they shown you a lack of respect? If they were canoodling on the couch in front of you I'd say ok maybe, but they seem to have gone out of their way to keep whatever is happening between them private.

Honestly, OP, it's none of your business and I find it quite odd that you seem to be taking it so personally.

Lux23

CaraMay wrote: »

No you don't. They are doing a good job of not pushing their affair into your face so I think they are being very good flat mates.

This. And her wearing his hoodies was a massive giveaway to be honest. I think you should revert to your original gut reaction and leave them to it.

Xterminator

if they have managed to avoid making you feel like a 3rd wheel when around the house; that's a good thing.

only you know if your mate should have shared that info based on your friendship?

Housemates dont need to share things like that. also they may just have not wanted to broadcast what was happening until they had got their own heads around it. Maybe there is a jealous ex etc in the background.