Head all over the place

marykitty47

So after 11 years of been single and picking the wrong guys I've met the nicest guy. He has a hear of gold and everyone says it. It has been 3 months and we are official...something is holding me back to a certain extent. There are days when I'm dying to see him, fancy him like crazy and miss him and days when I don't want to see him nor fancy him....is this normal? Do you think it's because I've been alone for so long and been hurt in the past that I still have a barrier up?

m-a-i-

Hi OP,

To me this is totally normal especially if you are so used to being single. Everyone adapts to change differently but I would be the same as you. I've been single for some time and while I've dated people or with my ex I'd be sick of the sight of them sometimes and then couldn't get enough of them other times.

The important thing is not to overthink the difference of emotions and just enjoy being with that person.
Its easy to have a barrier up when single for so long so we don't get our hearts broken

give it time and see how you feel but don't be worrying enjoy the relationship and your "me" time in equal measure x

LegacyUser

I'm not sure how common it is, but I generally feel like this when I'm with someone. I've had the same reservations about my relationship, like some days I'm very content with him and attracted to him and others it's like I just don't fancy him. I wasn't sure at the start of the relationship was it a sign I wasn't that into him, but continued and got to know him more. Ive been like this in my 3 relationships. So I don't have an answer for you, just letting you know you're not alone in feeling like this and unknown it's confusing.
All I know is it's not up to someone to make you happy or fulfill your life. At the same time how much should you want to hop on someone when you're in a relationship? I think we're told your relationship should be in a state of constant insatiable passion, and we think everyone else's is. However in reality I don't know how common that actually is, or sustainable given our changing moods, expectations, and general level of happiness in all other areas in our life.

marykitty47

Thanks mai. I think I'm just not used to been treated so well and find it all so...weird and I guess been single for so long I need time to adjust to it.

You really do need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

CaraMay

Being treated well is how it normally happens in good relationships. Enjoy it and get used to it. It should be the template for all your future relationships. Once you get used to being treated well you will never go back to the opposite.

silverbolt

Id say thats perfectly normal.

Your brain is rewiring itself from being an I to being a we.

Give yourself time, dont overthink with it - just go for it and enjoy it.

K_P

OP, maybe I'm being unfair here, but there's something about the phrases you are using that are setting off alarm bells for me. Talking about being hurt before, having barriers up, being single for a long time. We've all lived, we've all had bad relationships or bad experiences but you can't be making that part of your identity and willingly carrying it around as baggage.

You're going out three months, you really like him and he treats you well. Just go with the flow and enjoy things. Don't be overthinking it and looking for problems where there are none.

Calypso Realm

marykitty47 wrote: »

. There are days when I'm dying to see him, fancy him like crazy and miss him and days when I don't want to see him nor fancy him....is this normal? Do you think it's because I've been alone for so long and been hurt in the past that I still have a barrier up?

The rest I can understand to a degree but I have to say I find this rather strange. I'm wondering if it's HIM you're not sure about ie your feelings and not just simply a case of your own barriers or walls.