Decided to look for sibling.

trixychic

Hi guys.

So my other half has decided to look for his big sister. I posted here a while back about how he wasn't sure if he would look for her or not as he was afraid.

Now he has decided its time he wants to find her. I'm delighted. But now we have no idea where to begin.

He has little to no info on her. His mother told him about her when he was in his teens. All we know is that she is about 4-6 yrs older then him. And she was born in wexford General hospital.

Does anyone know how we go about starting our search???

The_Conductor

Hi trixychic-

If you check out the Traceguides here - choose the 'traceguide_sibling' file- download and print it out- it gives you a good roadmap for how to commence your search.

I'd also suggest, particularly given your spouses apprehension- that attending a reunion course (Barnados hold a reasonable one) might be worthwhile- as it'll give him a perspective on where everyone is coming from (including himself).

Best of good luck with your search- and feel free to ask any questions you may have.

egav

Have a look on Facebook, there are lots of closed groups there that can offer you advice...
Adoption rights alliance is one of them

Hermy

I would advise caution when seeking help via Facebook.
Members of some of the groups hold very hard line attitudes and I found some of the comments quite hurtful.
And at no time did I get the support and advice I was looking for.

The Boards Adoption forum may not get much traffic but those who do post here are generally informed and considerate in what they say and I'm a lot further on in my search because of those posts!

The_Conductor

I'd echo what Hermy has just said.
I'd also encourage you to ask any questions you might have- I was once told the only stupid question was the one not asked- the older I get the more I see the wisdom in statements like that.

Some people have incredibly thin skins- and are inclined to try to double interpret things that people post- which can lead to very terse exchanges- before you've half a clue whats happened....... The internet is a very poor medium for conversing with people- on so many different levels- it opens so many doors- however, instead of seeing things in colour you get a black and white blinkered view of topics- which very often is not helpful.

trixychic

Thanks for all your input guys. It'll be a slow process as he's finishing up in school and we are gettin our eldest assessed for asd. So it's a very busy and mentally consuming time.

But I printed off the off and we at least know where to go. Can I ask. Does it cost much to find them??? Having to fork out just under €2k for sons assessment. So money is a bit tight.

Hermy

It may cost nothing depending on how it goes.

Initially the main cost for me was searching the civil indexes in the General Register Office research facility in Werburgh Street.
Searching a five year period is €2 and research copies of records cost €4 each so not a massive expense.
On line newspaper archives for birth, marriage and death notices are free in many libraries.
As are Thom's Directories and old phone books.
And don't forget the internet.

But the biggest cost is time and as you rightly say yourself, it's a slow process.
It can take a while to find out what to look for, and then to figure out how to find it.
And then when you find it, it can take more time to figure out what to do with it.

And if I may in turn echo The Conductor - don't hesitate to ask if there's anything you want help with.

trixychic

I can't thank you guys enough for all your help. I'll be sure to post any updates I have. Thanks again

LennieB

I'd recommend Barnardos also - they have a great Post Adoption service (check their website) and they have a helpline on Tues & Thurs mornings which you can ring for advice. The best of luck.