Strained relationship

Tweetypie16

My dad died he took his own life. He suffered with bad mental health all his life. My brother died a year before from an accident. Since my brothers death my mother has become a completely different person. I know understandable but she has become the most selfish vain person I have ever met. She started to see people 10 days after my dad's death (met in a hotel and stayed the night.) Didn't tell anyone where or when she'll be back. She has a ten year old and a daughter with a disability who is confined to a wheelchair. Is just concerned about her looks and if men think she's hot. She 50 years old, she dresses in clothes that are what 20 year olds wear. Look I'm all for minding yourself and looking your best but this is embarrassing. She now has a boyfriend who is the same age as me 20 years younger and lives at home with his parents. They have been in this relationship since 3 months after my dad's death. I want her to be happy but she's not looking after my sisters who have suffered so much. They are left fending for themselves. I'm at a loss I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her she lies all the time. She is addicted to her phone on tagged and other dating sites. She's on them all the time so you can't have a conversation with her. I'm left trying to hold my family together. I'm married have a toddler and expecting my second. Please anyone know how to get through to this woman? I'm heart broken

Ursus Horribilis

You poor thing. What an awful lot you have on your plate i really feel for you. Is there anyone in your family you can turn to? Does your mother have any sisters or brothers who could try to talk to her? Though It sounds like what has happened has triggered some sort of breakdown in her or something. Especially if you say she has turned into a completely different person. Did she ever have mental health issues in the past?

I wonder would contacting her GP be an option? I don't want to go down the road of medical diagnosis but perhaps the GP may give you options. Technically,your mum's love life isn't breaking any laws. She's an adult, toyboy is an adult etc. On the other hand, her neglect of the two people depending on her is serious. This is the leverage you may have even it comes to trying to sort this. I'm sure you don't want to get social services involved but it might be enough to stop her in her tracks. My guess is that she needs help if she has gone from being a regular mother to one who's abandoning her own children.

Xterminator

If your siblings are in her care, and you have serious concerns about their well-being then you have no choice but to involve social services;

She may be breaking laws if a 10 year old is left at home with the wheelchair bound sibling, especially if that is overnight.

Do you have any family you could call on, to stage an intervention ? Perhaps if aunts uncles etc were onboard you could get her to examine her lifestyle and the effect it is having.