Anonymous forums v Getting out there...

Was talking to a good friend today and we ended up agreeing that a lot of our mutual friends are actually kinda...boring. We like them because we shared a lot of school days or crazy nights or sports or whatever. But we are getting more critical of them.

And when you scratch away the gas craic and the drunken nights and the days spent together involved in some mutual interest, say in my case like watching Kerry football...they are not exactly stimulating. Whereas online I can get much more "I disagree" type responses that provoke a reaction from me.

So my wife and me have this argument. Is the www and anonymous forums a distraction from real friendships...or is it actually a whole new era where we rely less on the old idea of friendships and we give more of our energy to connections formed with people we will never meet.

One eyed Jack

I don't understand the question...

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Are you different off line, is what I understood it as but tbf I didn't read all the way to the end.
Life problems - sh1t attention span

One eyed Jack

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I don't understand the question...

Has cyberspace changed your idea about forming relationships, or do you think they're not relationships at all and we should turn off the computer and go kick a ball with longstanding friends.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Deleted User wrote: »

Has cyberspace changed your idea about forming relationships, or do you think they're not relationships at all and we should turn off the computer and go kick a ball with longstanding friends.

The long and the short of it, no.

The Backwards Man

The internet is like a stack of turf.

jimgoose

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Has cyberspace changed your idea about forming relationships, or do you think they're not relationships at all and we should turn off the computer and go kick a ball with longstanding friends.

Yes, but. No, however. I think people are people regardless of the medium they use to communicate.

osarusan

Deleted User wrote: »

Has cyberspace changed your idea about forming relationships, or do you think they're not relationships at all and we should turn off the computer and go kick a ball with longstanding friends.

Haven't ever met anybody from a site like boards that I didn't already know from the offline world - well, it might be better to say that I've never arranged a meeting with somebody as a result of meeting them on boards or similar forums.

I wouldn't say I had any kind of 'relationship' with even one poster on this site, for example.

With the exception of a handful of posters who would know me through Limerick FC-related stuff, I know nobody on boards, and I'm happy to keep it that way.

jimgoose

The Backwards Man wrote: »

The internet is like a stack of turf.

...that sprung a leak in June !

LexieOnRale

LexieOnRale wrote: »

The long and the short of it, no.

Here is where it starts to build layers.

You see, I'll never meet you, I'll never rely on you or be close to you. But yet your opinions on things are probably more prescient to me than a lot of my friends. I can talk to you about, say, politics, whereas I know that people I have been close to for decades will just nod and agree or have no opinion. So to that extant, we have made a connection. Is that less a valid because we didn't talk it over drink in a pub?

My name is URL

The Backwards Man wrote: »

The internet is like a stack of turf.

Is it not pipes?

Pipe everywhere despite nobody needing any plumbing done

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Deleted User wrote: »

Here is where it starts to build layers.

You see, I'll never meet you, I'll never rely on you or be close to you. But yet your opinions on things are probably more prescient to me than a lot of my friends. I can talk to you about, say, politics, whereas I know that people I have been close to for decades will just nod and agree or have no opinion. So to that extant, we have made a connection. Is that less a valid because we didn't talk it over drink in a pub?

You can bring me to the pub if you want

LexieOnRale

LexieOnRale wrote: »

You can bring me to the pub if you want

That would disprove the theory that cyberspace is replacing face to face relationships... But go on, what'err you havin'?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Are you buying??
Double vodka, shot of Bacardi and a Diet Coke!

Ah no, I'd talk to my friends about stuff that bothers me (dole, bold kids, horrible parents, the school near the train station) but if I start to rant too much they won't get into it with me. I've had some humdingers of spirited discussion about the cmas bonus last year

One eyed Jack

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Has cyberspace changed your idea about forming relationships, or do you think they're not relationships at all and we should turn off the computer and go kick a ball with longstanding friends.

Ahh right. I'd have to say for me at least it hasn't anyway. I still place more value in the relationships I form with people offline than online. I'll still meet up with friends from years back and they're always interesting and engaging whereas the "relationships" if they can be called that, I have to people online, I can take them or leave them as the personal investment just isn't the same. I think the virtual space only gives you a mere glimpse into a persons life, but it never gives you any idea into who they truly are as a whole person.

I'd have pretty much the same discussions offline with friends as I do online, but I would be more invested in the opinions of my friends offline than the opinions of people online.

riffmongous

Interesting idea, I think though with a place like boards with so many posters though you don't actually have a connection with individuals, rather a system of values that a certain amount of users will represent, the individual user is mostly replaceable and indeed probably will close their account and be replaced.

On smaller forums I've known people closer to what would be considered a real life friend, where you would not just talk to them about any particular topic but 'regular' topics and when these people disappear I've sometimes felt genuine sadness

esforum

I think the issue Conor is that as we grow older, we change. Our mates that we shared so many interests with initialy have also grown.

Why people think that because we had loads in common at 12, we will still have loads in common at 42 is beyond me.

The group that I grew up with I drifted from because as you say, I had **** all in common with them. My new group is a mix of work and sad as it sounds, people I first made contact with via the website I run, we have regular piss ups and kart days, etc. We even have two users who met at one of our soirees, fell madly in love, get married and have a kid.

however, my eldest kids seems to be unaware that the people on whatsapp and facebook are actually real people and she could, presuming her leg muscles still work, walk out the door and meet them face to face.

Then theres the whole concept of using her 'phone' to have an actual, wait for it.................conversation

I would rather meet some of my mates for lunch, coffee than be online but sadly they are busy, I am busy and the laptop is just there

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

_Whimsical_

I think online people can be somewhat of a mirage sometimes. You think you're having fully rounded discussions and getting a strong overall impression of the person but in truth you're seeing a small, curated slice of the person they're willing to let you see. Very often is more the person they wish they were rather than the person they actually are. For example the bolshy guy who never let's anything go online and seems to hold the world, and presumably himself to an exceptionally high standard in every regard in his posts is actually the last one to rock the boat in reality or who's behaviour/relationships etc would never stand up to the acid test he espouses online.

It's definitely a more satisfying engaging way of getting to know people because it's so conversation based and relies on sharing a level of intimacy you just don't tend to get to quickly with real life friends. The truth is though that it takes along time to get to know people and it takes even longer when you don't see them in their natural habitat regularly. I don't think replacing your old friends with people you know online will be a good long term strategy.

Esel

I thought OP's device had no ? key, but their third post seemed to disprove that theory.

Memories are golden - cherish them while you can still remember them.

Esel

Plus:

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog - IRL.

Potential-Monke

When i first clicked into this thread, i was of the opinion that i've never met anyone in real life that i've initially "met" online. But then i remembered 8 years ago when i moved to Waterford, i was getting to know everyone new. Job brought me down here, so i had no friends here, both in and outside the job. I joined MidnightClub within a week of coming down here, as i believed my interest in cars then would lead to making a few friends. And indeed it did. I made a lot of aquaintances, some friends and a few very good friends from that site. They helped me though the move and it's healthy to have friends outside of work.

Whereas i'm a member of boards and the official PS forums longer, but have never met anyone from those sites. I'm mostly on here for the gaming forum, as the majority of my friends wouldn't be as big into it as i am, but i've branched out to the tv shows that i watch and take part in the forums here. But i still haven't met anyone. I could go to a boards meet, but i wouldn't consider myself close enough to anyone here to do that.

Unfortunately, life does get in the way of meeting my real life friends. I've a terrible work pattern, and most of my friends work shift too, so it's hard to meet up sometimes, especially with my long time Limerick friends. Literally have to organise nights out/in months in advance! However, i'd be lost without my real life friends, and i'd also be lost without forums, as they allow me to be social when there's no possibilities of meeting up in real life. I like both, and wouldn't want to lose either.

Shint0

There's no such thing as reality. It's all an illusion. Those 'real' friends were never real in the first place.

On boards.ie or discussion boards you can engage as much as you like and disclose as much or as little as you like but as it's all.anonymous it doesn't really matter if people are judgemental. Then again Ireland is a very small country so you might even know your boards nemesis.

ToddyDoody

Getting out there is important. Lots of people just waiting for your disdain

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

You are less beholden to the social contract online I suppose, and maybe part of it cultural with Irish people generally not liking confrontation. I mean, I'd be hesitant to talk about certain contentious topics (such as abortion, say) with many people offline, because a disagreement can potentially sour a relationship that in the round means a lot to me. BoatyMcGubbins92 disagrees with me? I can have that argument and walk away.

Shooting the shít with friends, like reminiscing, playing out private jokes, talking about people we know, films we've seen etc. is fun, and bringing up serious topics can be a real buzzkill. Shooting the shít with online strangers isn't very rewarding, and talking about serious things can be rewarding. So that's how it goes. I'd say they're things that complement each other and give me an overall better social experience than either would on its own.

wakka12

If theyre good people you can trust and rely on and you enjoy their company then whats the problem. Don't fix whats not broken. Youre never going to have a friendship with anybody thats a constant whirlwind of highly interesting and thought provoking debates