Flirtation signs in the work place/What should I do ?

yye3

I could be reading way too much into this so please let me know if I am ?

I've started a new job recently & I've noticed a girl has taken maybe a liking to me. We're around the same age. I need advice on whether this girl is actually flirting with me or what's going on ?

When she walked past my chair she brushed or hit off either my shoulders or my arm, this happened 5 times or so in the same day, I tried moving my chair & body forward after the 2nd time to try & have her avoid making physical contact, but no luck

Even though I'm not up on flirting I noticed this clearly, we laughed about something & she hit the top of my arm, not in a harsh way but in a jokingly/messing way, which I guess could be seeing as flirting ?

Those 2 instances above happened on the same day the only day so far that we've gotten to work beside each other doing the same job.

Oh & any time we walk past each other she always smiles & says hey or hi, I think she does do this with other people though I've been too busy in work to take notice of that

A few days later I discovered she's in a relationship with another guy at the moment, she shouldn't be doing these things if she's in a committed relationship with someone else ?

This actually annoyed me quite a bit, not because she's with someone, but because she's flirting with me while in a relationship with someone, or is she flirting ?? I'm really unsure guys I need some advice on this

Oh & for clarity I didn't flirt back to her or even attempt to flirt back to her, I think I take a cautious approach to these things, especially in a working environment

I'm down on experience on flirting especially in a working environment so that's why I need some advice on this.

I also need advice on what I should do..

Thank you in advance.

LegacyUser

tbh, OP, it sounds like fairly innocent behaviour to me. I would continue as normal with her to be honest and if it gets more intense than just start saying how you have been seeing someone for awhile... something along those lines.

It is really possible she's just trying to settle you in and is being a little more friendlier than you're comfortable with but I would reckon that that's a nice thing and not something I would be annoyed at. You're perceiving it as flirting when in reality it is possible that it's just general camaraderie.

CaraMay

She's probably bring friendly and as you are new to a job, your focus should be on that, not on your coworker. Just keep the head down and get settled in and see how things go in a few months. It would be so unprofessional to be just in the door and dating colleagues.

yye3

CaraMay wrote: »

She's probably bring friendly and as you are new to a job, your focus should be on that, not on your coworker. Just keep the head down and get settled in and see how things go in a few months. It would be so unprofessional to be just in the door and dating colleagues.

Yeah I hear where you're coming from with her probably just being friendly, that's why I'm really unsure whether she's flirting or not.

The only thing I wouldn't understand is when someone hits off you 5 times on purpose even though I tried avoiding the contact, how would that constitute being friendly ??

And god no I'm not interested in dating her as she's in a relationship with someone else ! And I'm not unprofessional to be dating people in the company who are single when I've only started in the company myself, I may be down on flirting techniques but I'm not silly

yye3

op_9090 wrote: »

tbh, OP, it sounds like fairly innocent behaviour to me. I would continue as normal with her to be honest and if it gets more intense than just start saying how you have been seeing someone for awhile... something along those lines.

It is really possible she's just trying to settle you in and is being a little more friendlier than you're comfortable with but I would reckon that that's a nice thing and not something I would be annoyed at. You're perceiving it as flirting when in reality it is possible that it's just general camaraderie.

Do you think if I said in a general conversation 'oh I've a date over the weekend' as my plans for the weekend may put her off doing the things that she's doing ?

Differentiating between flirting & general camaraderie is the problem I have.

LegacyUser

yye3 wrote: »

Do you think if I said in a general conversation 'oh I've a date over the weekend' as my plans for the weekend may put her off doing the things that she's doing ?

Differentiating between flirting & general camaraderie is the problem I have.

I understand and I'd advise when having difficulty determining the difference to always assume it's platonic until it's blatant. Right now it's a hunch. If a new guy started in my place and he suddenly went on (in the first week) about having a date coming up I'd be eye rolling a bit. Just cool the jets and do as CaraMay advised which is keeping the head down and focus on the task at hand: not getting fired! Ha ha!

But seriously, don't presume anything right now just be friendly and make sure to talk to others on the team so she knows you're not clinging onto her and are a sociable, outgoing, fantastic person!

CaraMay

But if you don't want to date her and know she's seeing someone else why is this an issue for you? She sounds like a bit of an eejit bumping into you like that

retro:electro

Why are you annoyed that she has a boyfriend? Nothing here suggests to me that she's flirting with you, she brushed past you, so what, she smiled when she said hello....? Seriously op, chill out. She's being friendly. You have no right to be annoyed at anything, stop reading into innocent behaviour.

Merkin

From what you have said, there is nothing to suggest that she fancies you or is flirting with you so I'd try and stop looking for signs when there are none if I were you.

Augme

Sounds like flirting to me or else she's just over-friendly sort. Not sure why you are that pushed about it, unless you plan to make a move on her knowing she has a boyfriend. Just ignored the behaviour and treat her as someone who is overly friendly.

yye3

op_9090 wrote: »

I understand and I'd advise when having difficulty determining the difference to always assume it's platonic until it's blatant. Right now it's a hunch. If a new guy started in my place and he suddenly went on (in the first week) about having a date coming up I'd be eye rolling a bit. Just cool the jets and do as CaraMay advised which is keeping the head down and focus on the task at hand: not getting fired! Ha ha!

But seriously, don't presume anything right now just be friendly and make sure to talk to others on the team so she knows you're not clinging onto her and are a sociable, outgoing, fantastic person!

Hmm yeah I understand where you're coming from, that' good advise actually thank you

yye3

CaraMay wrote: »

But if you don't want to date her and know she's seeing someone else why is this an issue for you? She sounds like a bit of an eejit bumping into you like that

Because well it depends on the boundaries of the relationship with her partner ?

If what she's doing in a work environment is classed as flirting & she's in a relationship with someone could that not be a little bit wrong ?

I've no interested in dating her because she's not single.

Oh by the way she doesn't know that I know that she's in a relationship so

yye3

anna080 wrote: »

Why are you annoyed that she has a boyfriend? Nothing here suggests to me that she's flirting with you, she brushed past you, so what, she smiled when she said hello....? Seriously op, chill out. She's being friendly. You have no right to be annoyed at anything, stop reading into innocent behaviour.

I'm not annoyed that she has a boyfriend, if what she's doing with me is defined as flirting then I'd be annoyed.. because maybe she shouldn't be so flirtatious if she's in a committed relationship with someone else ?? If she was single then of course I wouldn't be annoyed.

If what she has done is just being friendly, then I wouldn't be annoyed. But I can't tell myself if she's flirting or just being friendly with what she's doing.

If I was in a committed relationship with a woman & she was flirting in her work place with other men, I wouldn't really be best pleased with her.

yye3

Augme wrote: »

Sounds like flirting to me or else she's just over-friendly sort. Not sure why you are that pushed about it, unless you plan to make a move on her knowing she has a boyfriend. Just ignored the behaviour and treat her as someone who is overly friendly.

If in your opinion she is flirting with me in work, would you suggest that she shouldn't be doing that as she has a boyfriend ?

No I'm absolutely not making any move on her while knowing she has a boyfriend.

Merkin

yye3 wrote: »

Hmm yeah I understand where you're coming from, that' good advise actually thank you

yye3 wrote: »

Because well it depends on the boundaries of the relationship with her partner ?

If what she's doing in a work environment is classed as flirting & she's in a relationship with someone could that not be a little bit wrong ?

I've no interested in dating her because she's not single.

Oh by the way she doesn't know that I know that she's in a relationship so

yye3 wrote: »

I'm not annoyed that she has a boyfriend, if what she's doing with me is defined as flirting then I'd be annoyed.. because maybe she shouldn't be so flirtatious if she's in a committed relationship with someone else ?? If she was single then of course I wouldn't be annoyed.

If what she has done is just being friendly, then I wouldn't be annoyed. But I can't tell myself if she's flirting or just being friendly with what she's doing.

If I was in a committed relationship with a woman & she was flirting in her work place with other men, I wouldn't really be best pleased with her.

yye3 wrote: »

If in your opinion she is flirting with me in work, would you suggest that she shouldn't be doing that as she has a boyfriend ?

No I'm absolutely not making any move on her while knowing she has a boyfriend.

I'm just going to nip this thread in the bud is as its descending into an is she/isn't she flirting with me thread. It's all quite incidental if you don't intend acting on whether she is/isn't so let's just leave it at that shall we? Thread closed.