3 months in and want out (maybe)

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I'm going to try and be vague here as much as possible and keeping it anon.

Started seeing someone in late January. Went on a few dates, he was fairly structured about the whole thing; wanted me to be his gf after a few weeks, was telling me he loved me a couple of months in... He is amazing. Loves my friends, similar interests, I'm attracted to him to an extent but don't have the feeling of jumping him every time i see him.

When it comes to sex it's been rough. He has yet to cum, we both have busy lives and that so we have rare alone time and when we have in the past where I have set it up for sex he's fallen asleep and I'm left watching a movie by myself. I've chatted to him about it but he says he just takes awhile to warm up. It's been nearly 3 months and I am getting frustrated with it and my eye is beginning to wander... I don't want to lose him and I feel that if I bring it up again I'll just be creating more of an issue. It's not medical (he says) and it's getting to the point where I am avoiding out alone time based on the fact that I know I'll be disappointed (e.g. it's better to just do something outside of the bedroom and not be disappointed than bring him back to be disappointed and feeling rejected).

I think at this point we should be in that honey moon situation and all over each other. I don't want to lose him as I think he is great but I'm beginning to think that he's either not into me or too into me that he's too nervous. At this point he should be comfortable enough with me to want to go for it.. It's such a big issue now and I'm getting upset. I also feel bad because I think I want to break up with him over it although there's another side to me that doesn't want that at all

What do you think? Thanks in advance.

Merkin

Sex should be blowing your socks off after three months and I'm sure he knows that too. You need to tell him. Be honest. Tell him what you've written here and tell him why you're contemplating a break up eventhough you're otherwise keen.

Lavinia

Sounds like a porn addiction tbh.

Augme

Does he have any problems getting it up? If it's just an orgasming issue have you tried oral or your hand?

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

He sounds like a guy that's really into the emotional side of the relationship. Keen to have a GF, quick to fall in love etc. For some guys I guess it's hard to marry the sexual urge aspect to the intimacy aspect.

I know I've been with girls before where I wasn't interested in sex just because I was really into the intimacy side of things and the urge just didn't materialise as it did with others I was less attracted to or interested in having a relationship with.

So it might not be that he's not into you that way, just struggling with fitting his own understanding of sex and sexual release into a relationship that wasn't born out of sexual attraction but a need to have someone and love someone etc.

I suppose the only real way forward is talk to him about it. You can't really make it more of an issue if you're contemplating breaking up with him over it so talk to him see if there's some way you both can improve the situation or get him more turned on when in the bedroom.

KikiDee

Hey OP,

Even though you don't want to, you're going to have to bring this up with him again. Part of being in a relationship is honest, open and respectful communication. You're not a bad person for wanting sex to be a pleasurable experience for you both. I wouldn't focus too much on what you 'should' be like in the honeymoon period. Different strokes and all that.

Roselm

His sex drive might just be this low and if that's the case there's a good chance it's not going to change unfortunately

LegacyUser

hi there,

we broke up earlier today at lunch time (terrible timing but he was off anyway) so I'm in wokr feeling a bit bad. It wasn't going to go anywhere but it's over regardless.

Thanks for all the advice.

StanleyOllie

Dont feel too bad. It wasnt right for you. Not nice to happen but its the right thing.