Self obsessed room-mate

LegacyUser

Hi, I really wanted to post about something I'm experiencing and see if anyone has any
advice or has had similar experiences.

I live in an apartment with a self obsessed girl. When I say self obsessed, I mean she talks non-stop about herself and I can't get a word in edgeways. When I do try to contribute she basically blanks me and continues to talk about herself. She has an extremely dominant presence too, so it's not something I would feel comfortable saying to her. I'm actually quite intimidated by her.

What should I do? I don't feel confident or assertive enough to just ignore her, but its draining and its now gotten to the point where I don't want to leave my room because I can't be around her.

What is the best way to deal with someone like this?

zoobizoo

I know the type. I've encountered them over the years.

There really is nothing you can do other than try to ignore them or stop responding to her/listening to her.

sullivlo

Move out? If it's that distressing for you it might be time to make a move and find somewhere else to live. With people like that there is no getting through to them. I lived with one of them for a while and eventually had to leave.

Merkin

I think you need to find somewhere new to live. If she intimidates you and it's reached the point whereby you're holed up in your room in order to avoid her then it's clear you need to find somewhere else.

SB_Part2

Just don't talk to her? Just because you are roommates doesn't mean you have to be friends.

Aye Bosun

I lived with a girl like this..every time she started I just say 'God you really like the sound of your own voice' or ' Another story about yourself eh?' and promptly walk out of the room not to return, she got the message after a while and stopped harping on about herself, actually turned into quite a nice girl to live with in the end. Some people just don't realise they are doing it, so I figure point it out to them and they'll work it out themselves!

LegacyUser

I shared with a friend like this. It was my place and I let him move in after he had some awful family drama so moving out wasn't an option. I'd known he was a little self obsessed but it was only when living with him that I saw how badly. I was going through a rough time romantically and when I tried talking to him he quickly turned all the conversation around to him, him, him! Once I realized that was how he was and wasn't going to change it was actually easier to deal with him. I would just let him talk away and I'd smile and nod and pretty much ignore him. Sometimes I'd just walked out of the room and I'm not sure if he even noticed. OP you've two choices either put up with it or move out. You can't change people like that - just remember just because your sharing a space doesn't mean you have to best friends.

RoYoBo

If you really feel you can't be assertive with her and cut her off, consider investing in headphones (noise cancelling, if possible). Claim you are listening to work instructions, studying, meditating, binaural brain reconditioning, whatever, and get on with what you need/want to do in the house. Don't let her drive you into your room to hide.

The Pheasant2

Definitely don't move out on her account. The apartment is just as much yours as hers - to echo an earlier poster, just because she's a roommate doesn't mean you have to be friends. It's generally nice to be but not essential

mahamageehad

If it helps, I've found that people like this with "loud" personalities tend to be the ones with low self-confidence. They need constant gratification. It's not true for all mind, but I use it as my rule of thumb. Once you start not responding, chances are that she'll try and get your attention in other ways and change her behaviour. That's assuming that you are also a girl btw! Don't be intimidated, people like that actually tend to find quiet people intimidating!

mud

I used to talk about myself all the time until someone pointed it out to me and I am still thanking them for that bit of tough love to this day.

I didn't realise that all my stories revolved around me, my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions. How boring and off-putting!

Yes, it was a hard thing to hear but I got over it and my life and friendships have only improved.

Say it to her if you feel you can, if not, it's only a flat-mate. Share physical space not head-space.