when is it time to stop trying?

LegacyUser

i dont know how to start this...

ill start off by explaining a bit about me maybe, i have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. i am a difficult person to be with i would imagine. i have had turbulent relationships. i messed up... really really messed up.

i was going out with an amazing guy , he treated me the way men are ment to treat women. held doors open , wouldnt eat until id sat down , always thought of me with the most special gestures really one of a kind. he wasnt like any other relationships i had , we corrosponded for nearly a year through emails after meeting on a dating website ,we didnt meet in this time only messaged. we became friends, like not the bull**** "my boyfriend is my best friend " kind of way , we developed and grew , we had so much much in common , he knew how to handle me and my irrational moods , and in turn he said i brought him out of his shell . there was a few things maybe but all in all it was the closest to perfect id ever had.

any.... we had a fight , there was a lot going on at the time , i was having a lot of family trouble and was seeing my doctor for what i have now been told is bipolar disorder although they have also said there are traits of borderline personality disorder too , but he was with me every step of the way . i got pregnant ... we lost it. it was very hard for the both of us to take and we both struggled in our own way.

so like i said one day we had a fight in the midst of all this and with my "disorder i am very prone to spur of the moment decisions ... a friend of mine told me he was going to spain to work for a month and did i want to go, i saw it as an escape from everything and said yes. even though i was leaving my ex was still amazing , he told me he hoped that i could find what i was looking for and to look both ways before crossing the street and that maybe when he stops hurting whether it took a year or three years we could meet again and if we still felt a spark we would get back together .

i contacted him when i was over there , i guess after the storm had passed in my head i realised what i had done... but it was too late , he responded , was very sweet and kind as he always is and told me it would be the last time we would speak.. which is understandable. he blocked my number and my email , iv tried to contact him everyway possible , its been three years.. i know hes hurt , i made a terrible decision , if i could change one thing in my life it would be going away.. your probably reading this thinking , you eejit , its three years he doesnt care. i do believe that this guy was my soulmate , he understood me and i him . i wish i never made that decision. hes always on my mind even after 3 years and i know that i am on his . is it time to accept that he is part of the past or is there such thing as soulmates?

LegacyUser

There is nothing going on that you'd be stopping trying at, he understandably cut contact after you hurt him badly and he's stuck to the decision. Work on solving your own issues and perhaps other relationships will come, but that one is gone.

batmanrobin

To be fair, OP, you can't say that you know he's still thinking about you. If I've read it right, it's been 3 years. He could be in another relationship now. I think leave it. You had your chance with this person and (sorry to be harsh) you blew it. You need to move on.

CorkFenian

bipolar-bear wrote: »

i dont know how to start this...

ill start off by explaining a bit about me maybe, i have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. i am a difficult person to be with i would imagine. i have had turbulent relationships. i messed up... really really messed up.

i was going out with an amazing guy , he treated me the way men are ment to treat women. held doors open , wouldnt eat until id sat down , always thought of me with the most special gestures really one of a kind. he wasnt like any other relationships i had , we corrosponded for nearly a year through emails after meeting on a dating website ,we didnt meet in this time only messaged. we became friends, like not the bull**** "my boyfriend is my best friend " kind of way , we developed and grew , we had so much much in common , he knew how to handle me and my irrational moods , and in turn he said i brought him out of his shell . there was a few things maybe but all in all it was the closest to perfect id ever had.

any.... we had a fight , there was a lot going on at the time , i was having a lot of family trouble and was seeing my doctor for what i have now been told is bipolar disorder although they have also said there are traits of borderline personality disorder too , but he was with me every step of the way . i got pregnant ... we lost it. it was very hard for the both of us to take and we both struggled in our own way.

so like i said one day we had a fight in the midst of all this and with my "disorder i am very prone to spur of the moment decisions ... a friend of mine told me he was going to spain to work for a month and did i want to go, i saw it as an escape from everything and said yes. even though i was leaving my ex was still amazing , he told me he hoped that i could find what i was looking for and to look both ways before crossing the street and that maybe when he stops hurting whether it took a year or three years we could meet again and if we still felt a spark we would get back together .

i contacted him when i was over there , i guess after the storm had passed in my head i realised what i had done... but it was too late , he responded , was very sweet and kind as he always is and told me it would be the last time we would speak.. which is understandable. he blocked my number and my email , iv tried to contact him everyway possible , its been three years.. i know hes hurt , i made a terrible decision , if i could change one thing in my life it would be going away.. your probably reading this thinking , you eejit , its three years he doesnt care. i do believe that this guy was my soulmate , he understood me and i him . i wish i never made that decision. hes always on my mind even after 3 years and i know that i am on his . is it time to accept that he is part of the past or is there such thing as soulmates?

I really feel for you reading this....I have been there myself....Are you working on yourself at all? Counselling, holistic therapies etc....Bipolar is not a tag I fully believe in being honest and I was diagnosed bipolar I myself.(Much longer story its my own opinion along with other psychiatrists\psychologists etc i dont want to tell you how to feel regarding it etc but my life is so much better since I worked on myself)

It affected all my past relationships-Because I identified too much with it...It was me if that makes sense....You need to concentrate on you and you alone-Its the only way you will break it so when the next guy comes along you don't make the same mistakes. In my own case it was only when I really started working on myself that things started to improve. Best of luck