Trying to change my life

JakeArmitage

Hey All,

I have considered going unreg'd for this but then said what the heck , this isn't really something I should be embarrassed about.

I am basically a guy in my late 30s in a very bad rut, I have a number of issues I am not happy with. I am living a very boring life , since most of my friends are settled down and moved on with partners I find myself with absolutely nothing to do with my free time. I usually just watch TV, play video games or go on the internet. I find myself so bored that I've developed a pretty strong habit of drinking wine at night, 1 or 2 bottles most nights is the norm these days. I am also quite overweight so I have zero interest in making an effort to leave the house unless its to go to the cinema on my own or to Tesco to get my food and drink. I know what I have to do to get this weight off as I am quite knowledgeable with regards nutrition and exercise. However its creating a life for myself that going to be the major challenge , people will suggest meet up but its not great for where I'm living

So far I have a pretty clear picture of what I need to do

1.Quit Drinking
2.Hit the gym
3.Start eating healthy

However its the creating a more social life for myself that I need help on as it seems like such a challenge right now

If computer games is a thing for you you might consider installing and playing Ingress - which another boards user got me into awhile ago when I actually have time for it (less and less these days).

Contact me if you want details or help with this - assuming you play for the green team as if you go blue you are on your own - and I can talk you through loads of things. The upside is that this is a very active game if you let it be - you have to go out in the world - walk and drive around - and even do forest walking and hill climbing if you want to get the most strategic zones.

Bonus is it can be very sociable too. We do meet ups - group farming runs - distributed operations - and all sorts. The Examiner news paper a couple of years ago did a feature article on a massively over weight German guy living in Ireland from our team who lost a huge amount of that weight solely from playing ingress.

Routine changing in life can sometimes be as hard - or even harder - than the thing itself. So getting into better cooking and eating - or gym going - can be much harder than the actual cooking or exercise itself. So my advice there is often to focus strongly on the routine part rather than the content.

Over a few weeks get into the routine of cooking and gyming even if you do next to nothing there. Even if you do one machine in the gym and only stay in the gym for 5 or 10 minutes for the first few weeks - the fact you are getting into the _routine_ of getting ready and going there is massively important. Then after the first 2 or 3 weeks you can start extending the time you spend in there. 15 minutes. Then 20. Then 30. And so on up to 60 or 90.

The same thing with cooking. Does not matter what you actually cook or eat at first. Just focus more on changing the routines towards what you want.

If you want the nuclear option then ask yourself how much you want change and if you really _really_ do need a computer and/or television in your house. Consider strongly literally getting rid of them. Not a necessity of course - but worthy of some deep consideration.

As for being more sociable - there are social version of just about every hobby there is. So you need to explore with yourself first what things actually interest you and list them out. Or new skills or interests you want to develop. Then find social version of them.

The quit drinking will likely sort itself out by itself so I would not focus so heavily on that one yet. Assuming the other changes go into effect - the drinking which is a symtom of the place you are in now - should change itself naturally.

Tell me how

No quick fix but smallest steps will grow and aid other areas.

For instance, if you started preparing your meals for the week in one go at the weekend it would help your diet, which would help you in the gym which would help your weight. It would also give you a conversation piece which could be used in any social occasion. And if you really took to the food preparation you may find an interest in cookery which can be very social.

I think I'm in a similar position, certainly sounds like it, and I started to get in to the gym a few months back just by going there to shower. Now I'm developing an interest in things that for years I had forgotten about not because I forced myself to but because the tiniest steps which were successful gave me confidence to try the next thing.

I've fingers and toes crossed that I'll manage to keep going!

Wibbs

Deleted User wrote: »

The quit drinking will likely sort itself out by itself so I would not focus so heavily on that one yet. Assuming the other changes go into effect - the drinking which is a symtom of the place you are in now - should change itself naturally.

+1(and to the rest of T's post). And whatever you do JakeA, don't just go cold turkey with the booze. Not without some medical advice and supervision. If you're necking 2 bottles of vino a night on the regular and have been for any length of time that's in dependence territory. Few enough realise that alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs to go cold turkey on there is.

TBH I only know this myself because an ex girlfriend of a mate of mine ended up hospitalised when she stopped cold. She was one of those glass or five of white wine of an evening, working professional no way am I an alcoholic type. And she wasn't really. No personality changes, no day to day issues stemming from the drink. Even on nights out she'd not put away any more than usual and I never saw her much beyond tipsy. She was however a dependent drinker who had built up a tolerance over years.

Actually a medical checkup might be an early step. Just to set a health baseline for you.

SVJKarate

JakeArmitage wrote: »

So far I have a pretty clear picture of what I need to do

1.Quit Drinking
2.Hit the gym
3.Start eating healthy

However its the creating a more social life for myself that I need help on as it seems like such a challenge right now

It seems to me that step (1) is your big step. If you're alone in the evenings then breaking it is very hard, so you may find that step (2), or a similar activity, is going to help you. Essentially I'm suggesting you need less time alone, so start with some sort of hobby that requires a bit of concentration. Maybe it's as simple as reading a book, but even better if it's joining a book club. Maybe it's doing a bit of walking, but better again to join a walking club. Don't think about 'hitting the gym' as if that's the objective on its own . . . you need both activity and interaction, to give you motivation, to distract you from the next glass of wine, and to help you build up a picture of what you want to do with your time.

So "yes" to the gym eventually, but maybe take smaller steps at first by joining a Toastmasters club, a book club, offering help with a charity organisation, or similar. Instead of trying a solo exercise routine in the gym try joining a class (or two) in the gym like spinning, or yoga (seriously) or similar.

Also, maybe you'd consider joining a local Weight-watcher club? It can be a great source of motivation to keep up the self-improvement.

Amirani

Firstly, your life doesn't sound very abnormal. There's lots of people doing similar or the exact same things as you.

I'd strongly recommend gym and/or other exercise. It really is a catalyst for all sorts of other changes. You'll naturally be more conscious of how you eat and drink. Your motivation will improve and you'll feel better about yourself.

As regards advice on how to improve the social aspect, I'm not too sure. Clubs and meetups seem like the best idea, but I haven't really used them myself. Dating sites are another option I suppose.

Andre 3000

A super simple way to fill free time constructively is to read books. Not like Hunger Games/Harry Potter stuff but self-improvement books. Books like How To Win Friends and Influence People, 48 Laws of Power, Awaken The Giant Within, The Power Of Now etc etc. It honestly changed my life just adopting a daily reading habit...you'll educate yourself, you'll become a better person, you'll feel better and reading is such a healthy and rewarding activity. I'd also advise getting a Kindle or something similar and treating it like the wallet or keys and take it everywhere with you...and free time you have fire it up and do some reading.

armaghlad

I dunno what use this is but anytime I fancy chocolate I make myself eat a piece of fruit, when I fancy a coffee I make myself have green tea instead. Anytime i fancy a netflix binge i run 5k before i do it. Things like that have helped train myself into improving my lifestyle.

Irish_rat

Ditching the wine would be very beneficial, alcohol is not going to help with the rut you are in. You will be in a much better place without it.

Maybe try the C25K app, it will be great to set a target. Aim for an event around late June. Go at an easy pace and build up those minutes. It will be an exciting challenge and you'd be amazed at how addictive it gets. You basically go into a crazy routine but it's so good mentally, I couldn't function without a few runs every week. Never liked the gym.

I don't know what you eat so can't comment on that only the usual veg, meat, dairy, fish, eggs, nuts, fruit and water should be the staple of your diet. Ideally cook everything from scratch. Processed foods is a big no no. Start small though and use MyFitnessPal to log everything.

All those things will help.

TheBiz

Firstly cut down on the wine, drink socially if at all as I can imagine it would help you be more social (as it does with me and basically everyone else)
Going to the gym is a great idea, maybe try some classes, they're a great way to meet people and you get fit and healthy along the way!

With the money you save from not drinking as much why not take up a new hobby?

Just take everything one small step at a time because that's all you can do.