So so upset..

LegacyUser

I recently broke it off with my partner who was messing me around so much. He was making plans with me and bailing on them all the time. He treated me very badly with shouting and cursing at me when he couldn't control his anger.

I broke it off about a week ago saying it was the last straw when he cancelled our plans due to him changing his mind on whether the relationship would work, he immediately regretted this but I've said that's it for me. He has done it to me so much. He was angry about this and ended up saying he is going to tell people about me. Which I didn't understand what he meant. I feel so so betrayed thinking he is running off to bad mouth me. And I asked him what he is on about and what does he have to say about me, to which he replied I don't have to tell you.

I don't know how to calm my mind on this. I really feel betrayed and can't believe he would come out with that. Who knows what he's going to say. It's crazy because I've not done anything bad on him. I'm so worried he's going to make up a load of stuff on me and im seriously stressed out about this. He has nothing on me but I feel he's going to make stuff up. I know this because of how much he bad mouthed about his last girlfriend to me and he was quite nasty about her. Now I feel he will do this to me. He knows a lot of the same people I do. But I don't deserve this and don't know how to handle it. I've not replied to anything now after he sent me a last text saying he's going to speak his mind about me to people.

I seriously dont know how to handle this... I really havn't done anything bad I can think of so he obviously means he wants to bad mouth me and make stuff up.

Any advice on how to calm myself on this.. Im really stressed with what he could say.

batmanrobin

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to stop him. Just accept the fact that he will most likely bad mouth you. Most likely people will believe it - people do like dirt (even when it's not true).

The only thing you can control is how you react. To start, block him on everything! If anyone questions you on why he's bad mouthing you, you simply say you ended the relationship and he took it badly. Don't say anything more beyond that. You don't owe any one any explanations.

You know the kind of person you are. You don't have to worry. Let him make up his crap. He'll get bored when he sees he's not getting the desired result.

Let it be a lesson though, when someone feels the need to really bad mouth an ex, I'd always side eye it.

Good luck, OP.

woodchuck

batmanrobin wrote: »

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to stop him. Just accept the fact that he will most likely bad mouth you. Most likely people will believe it - people do like dirt (even when it's not true).

The only thing you can control is how you react. To start, block him on everything! If anyone questions you on why he's bad mouthing you, you simply say you ended the relationship and he took it badly. Don't say anything more beyond that. You don't owe any one any explanations.

You know the kind of person you are. You don't have to worry. Let him make up his crap. He'll get bored when he sees he's not getting the desired result.

Let it be a lesson though, when someone feels the need to really bad mouth an ex, I'd always side eye it.

Good luck, OP.

I disagree with the bit in bold. If you have mutual friends, they probably already know what both of your characters are like, so they're not going to take what he says at face value. If anything he's just making himself look bad...

Unfortunately you can't stop him from talking though. Just be glad you're rid of him and try to move on with your life.

Hemerodrome

Relax, this won't go as badly as you think. I've seen this happen a few times. The general pattern is that as a poster above wisely said, people will know both of you and realize that he is being bitter and vindictive and stop listening. It will backfire if he does it. That said, by the sounds of it, he was just being a prick to you and he won't do much more than moan to a few friends who will see through it and stop listening and it'll go no further.

LegacyUser

It feels like emotional blackmail or something. He had serious anger problems and he's blatantly trying to turn it all around and make everyone think it's been me treating him badly.

It really makes me feel helpless at the moment because I would never act that way to someone.

Ursus Horribilis

Do you have any close friends in this group of mutual pals? Perhaps if you confided in one of them it might help?

kjl

Look, first off well done; he sounds like a total creep and it seems like you got out of there in the nick of time.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry one little bit. He sounds like he is full of crap. As you said you have nothing to be embarrassed about and it sounds like he was being a little baby making idle threats to make you feel exactly like you do now.

As a previous poster said you need to go on mass delete. Delete him from facebook and phone and every avenue of communication.

Go out there and find a nice guy who isn't going to mess you around like a child.

daisybelle2008

Dreamer11 wrote: »

I know this because of how much he bad mouthed about his last girlfriend to me and he was quite nasty about her.

That would be a dealbreaker for me right there. How did you even entertain that? How long were you with this guy?

Sapphire

woodchuck wrote: »

I disagree with the bit in bold. If you have mutual friends, they probably already know what both of your characters are like, so they're not going to take what he says at face value. If anything he's just making himself look bad...

Unfortunately you can't stop him from talking though. Just be glad you're rid of him and try to move on with your life.

Exactly. And don't forget, people will remember that he also said similar things about his ex. Possibly the one before that too. And he'll say it about the next ex. They'll know its what he does and to take it with a pinch of salt.

Mutual friends hate to get caught in the middle of a vicious break up. Keep your side dignified, don't be tempted to badmouth him back, and be the better person. It will work out better in the end for you than for him.