I can't take compliments

IamtheWalrus

I get embarrassed. I was bullied as a child and the messages coming to me from friend and foe was negative.

What is this telling me and how can I fix it?

Neyite

I think a lot of people bat away a compliment automatically, but it's worth practising just saying "thank you" with a smile instead of doing the "whaaat? this old thing??"

It takes a bit of practice to stop yourself from undermining the compliment someone gives you but it is do-able.

LegacyUser

We're funny old things, when people are too ready to accept compliments we often end up thinking they're arrogant. When they don't accept them, we thinking they're fishing for more. As receivers we often view them with suspicion, but we're hurt when people don't give us compliments we feel we deserve. We dismiss effusive compliments, but we can feel insulted by the paucity of a succinct compliment no matter how genuine. It's no accident that Ireland is the home of "Thanks, Penneys", it allows us to accept the compliment outwardly, but undermine it to show that we haven't got notions.

In short, there's no pleasing us and really you're just going through the same thing as everyone else, you're maybe just not as practised at deling with it as some people. Saying "thanks" with a smile, then turning it an excuse for a bit of conversation works for most people - "Love your hair", "thanks, I'm heading out tonight/making my communion/just got a transplant" and off you go. Works for me anyway, even though my hair is terrible )

Vicxas

Its a very Irish thing to not accept compliments, everyone does it all the time, myself included.

I found that if you just say "Thanks very much" it doesn't really invite further comments

Sound Bite

I struggled with the same thing years ago until a former boss actually pointed out how reluctant I was to accept compliments!

It probably stems from an insecurity and self esteem.issue which is not surprising if you are used to hearing negative comments and possibly think you don't deserve it. Take them at face value.

Force yourself to say "ah thanks, it's really nice of you to say that". The more often you do it the easier it gets and it also feels good.

IamtheWalrus

I see what you all are saying but I think it's a deeper psychological thing, I dunno. I really can't handle it. Brushing them off can be done but you'll see me visibly embarrassed.

The same thing happens to me in work. If someone asks me a non-work, personal question, it'll floor me. I'll go red and try my best to give a stock answer to get them to stop.

If I'm asked how my weekend was, and say I had just moved home, I'd quickly say, without even recalling what I had done, 'nothing much, quiet one'. Then think after 'it was everything but quiet!'.