Cheating situation

retro:electro

My boyfriend was away at a stag over the weekend and he told me that one of the lads on the stag cheated on his girlfriend multiple times. Basically every time my boyfriend turned around this lad had his tongue down someone's throat. He also gives guitar lessons and told my boyfriend that he sleeps with some of his students (all over age) He kept telling my boyfriend about how much he loves his girlfriend and my boyfriend was saying well why are you cheating on her so? He says he can't resist temptation.
The thing is his girlfriend is very good friends with my soon to be sister in law (it was my brother's stag) and I'm not sure if I should tell my soon to me sister in law or not. We are all going to be at the wedding together in a few weeks time so that will be awkward. Also I haven't the first clue about this person's relationship and have only met the couple in question once. Basically I don't want to come across as a busy body, but I equally don't want to turn a blind eye to something as awful as this. Thoughts?

bee06

If you tell your future sister in law will it not potentially cause issues between her and your brother because he told you about the cheating and not her? I'd personally stay out of it. You don't know the couple in question, you could potentially cause issues between your brother and his fiancée before their wedding and you'll also be putting your future sister in law in a very awkward position if you do tell her.

Edit: oops, I misread your post and thought your brother told you about the cheating! I agreed with the next poster though who said your brother must know as well. It doesn't sound like the cheater was in anyway discreet.

LegacyUser

If your boyfriend saw it, your brother saw it. He's your brother's friend, so leave it up to him to decide what to do. If it was a closer friend I'd say tell her but you don't really know them. And honestly, if he's that blatant his gf probably has a fair idea but for whatever reason is ignoring it.

retro:electro

bee06 wrote: »

If you tell your future sister in law will it not potentially cause issues between her and your brother because he told you about the cheating and not her? I'd personally stay out of it. You don't know the couple in question, you could potentially cause issues between your brother and his fiancée before their wedding and you'll also be putting your future sister in law in a very awkward position if you do tell her.

It was my boyfriend who told me, I don't think my brother knows. They got separated at a club and so my bf was left with this guy and that's when this all transpired so my brother wouldn't have seen. In any case I think you're right, last thing I want to do is cause any upset for anyone before a wedding.

tomwaits48

It's none of your business.

Meauldsegosha

Why would you tell your sister-in-law? It's none of her business and none of yours either. Stay out of it.

retro:electro

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Why would you tell your sister-in-law? It's none of her business and none of yours either. Stay out of it.

Because if it was me I would want to know; but I'm realising that that's not a good enough reason.

eviltwin

That's a horrible position to put her in. Don't do it.

magneticimpulse

usually the other person will find out eventually - how long it takes is the question. If you don't say anything now and they find out are you prepared to act as if you knew anything about it? Are you prepared to deny you knew anything? Is your boyfriend? Because if the sister in laws friend finds out you knew and didn't saw anything that will also be bad.

It's a catch 22...if you tell you are seen as its none of your business. If you keep it a secret and she finds out you knew....then you will also come out looking bad

Meauldsegosha

anna080 wrote: »

Because if it was me I would want to know; but I'm realising that that's not a good enough reason.

The fact is you only know what your boyfriend told. You haven't seen this man cheat nor has he told you directly that he cheated. If you tell your sister-in-law or her friend you are just spreading gossip. And you are only doing that for your own selfish needs. You've only met this women once, stay out of it.

Augme

Either tell the girlfriend in question or say nothing. Mentioning it the sister in law just seems like an easy way for you to pass the buck while relieving yourself of any guilt about not saying anything.

retro:electro

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

The fact is you only know what your boyfriend told. You haven't seen this man cheat nor has he told you directly that he cheated. If you tell your sister-in-law or her friend you are just spreading gossip. And you are only doing that for your own selfish needs. You've only met this women once, stay out of it.

Bit harsh to say I'm doing it for selfish needs, I wouldn't get enjoyment out of telling anyone. So what selfish needs would my telling pacify? Anyway I've decided I won't be saying anything so thanks.

Keane2baMused

I always find the 'none of your business' statements pretty funny (not haha funny mind!). It may not be the OP's business (or anyone in that situation) nor even her SIL's business. But it is 100% the cheaters girlfriends business and right to know what she is signing up for.

If this guy is purely an opportunistic cheater why on earth would the girl know or have any inkling? It sounds pretty much like these girls are one time only's so there's no reason for her to suspect.

There are few women who would not want to know in these circumstances. Many in fact would be angry for realising all too late and further realising that everyone else knew but her. The embarrassment of that alone is brutal.

OP you don't need to go rushing to reveal all to your SIL but I would possibly mention it to your own brother anyway first off and see what he thinks.

Lavinia

If I would ask myself if I would want someone telling me in the opposite situation, the answer is always yes. I would appreciate if someone would tell me for such a thing.

Perhaps it also depends on how close are you with the girl who has been cheated on.

Tricky one, I do not envy your position at all.

CaraMay

I would want to know. It's not even just a once off with him, it's constant.

Would your bf be happy with you telling her? It would kind of drop him in the pooh a bit. I would tell her directly but after the wedding. Your sister in law doesn't need that grief in the run up to the wedding.

baby and crumble

The fact is op, you don't know the details of anyone else's relationship. I have a policy of staying completely out of other people's relationships for that exact reason.

In contrast to others, I wouldn't want to know if my partner cheated on me. Certainly not from someone I barely know. Fair enough if it's my best mate telling me but not someone so removed.

anna080

anna080 wrote: »

every time my boyfriend turned around this lad had his tongue down someone's throat. He also gives guitar lessons and told my boyfriend that he sleeps with some of his students (all over age) He kept telling my boyfriend about how much he loves his girlfriend and my boyfriend was saying well why are you cheating on her so? He says he can't resist temptation.

anna080 wrote: »

I don't think my brother knows.

I think you're fooling yourself if you think your brother doesn't know ... and if he knows, your soon-to-be sister-in-law probably knows too, it may even be common knowledge if he's that prolific.

Taboola

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

The fact is you only know what your boyfriend told. You haven't seen this man cheat nor has he told you directly that he cheated. If you tell your sister-in-law or her friend you are just spreading gossip. And you are only doing that for your own selfish needs. You've only met this women once, stay out of it.

This. OP something similar happened me. Boyfriend was on a stag. Came back telling me that one of the lads (who's gf I was friendly with) was cheating left right and centre etc.

Turns out he wasn't that it was my boyfriend that had been cheating and he was doing some "ground work" in case it ever got back to me. I guess he was going to say "they are only saying I'm cheating to save themselves".

Point is - Unless you saw him cheating then say nothing.

Irish_Elect_Eng

Years ago, when I knew what the inside of a nightclub looked like :-)

I had one acquaintance that asked me what we hot up to on lads nights out. Her boyfriend came home often with tales of the exploits of the group. Thing was that we were pretty quiet, boring almost. He was a bit of a strange fish, seems that he liked spinning lavish tales about others exploits to impress his girlfriend by how loyal he was being in the face of temptation.

It takes all kinds ....