Do cheats really never prosper?

makeandcreate

My OH has a very good friend that has been cheating on his long term girlfriend (over 10 years) since at least Xmas with someone else we both know casually. They have a toddler and have just bought a house together and he has signed the mortgage with his gf knowing full well if he gets found out he will probably walk away (he has said he would ) but he seems not to be bothered about changing things and while I know I should just forget it, I feel such a hypocrite just knowing - we were meant to go over when they moved to help but I sent my OH on his own, leaving me looking rather rude and anti social but I could not face idle chit chat and being in their new home knowing he is a cheat. Everyone in his friend and work circle knows about it and surely the longer it goes on the bigger the fallout.
Is it just not my monkeys, not my circus and I am being overly sensitive about it or am I being a coward keeping quiet?

nikkibikki

I'd feel same as you tbh. I'd even consider sending her an anonymous letter informing her.

pookie82

I don't think too many people would be ok with that to be honest. Watching him sign a mortgage to move in with his girlfriend and toddler while this is going on would be hard for any decent person to stomach.

It's sad to hear that it's commonly known because that poor girl has no idea and everyone else is a party to information that will turn her life upside down.

What does your OH make of all this? Is he happy to turn a blind eye?

strandroad

I would actually be concerned about your OH's attitude... Is he fine interacting with a person he knows is being cheated on like that? Does he respect his friend and his actions?

pookie82

mhge wrote: »

I would actually be concerned about your OH's attitude... Is he fine interacting with a person he knows is being cheated on like that? Does he respect his friend and his actions?

I would be interested to hear the OH's response to this as well, but I wouldn't be too quick to judge him harshly on it.

He can't control his friend's life choices, and will most likely take the "it's not my business" line of thought, which is true, if you look at it logically.

Now if he thought it was hilarious and patted him on the back and laughed alongside him about it, that's another level of disrespect entirely ... but I don't think the OP should blacken her OH for still being his mate.

You would hope he'd have a quiet word in his ear at some stage about the damage he's likely to incur should this become common knowledge but I doubt the perpetrator really cares, given his actions thus far.

makeandcreate

My OH is growing more distant with him, they were really good friends and I know he has talked to him several times in the last couple of months about not moving and basically talking to his gf. They are closely involved in a work capacity and he doesn't want to affect that and my OH would also see the "other woman" several times a week as well in a business capacity also. The guy defends himself by saying his gf knew he didn't want kids so he thinks she got pregnant on purpose but then the girl he is cheating with has a child, so that comes across as crap to me.
I know my OH doesn't condone his friend's behaviour, I would be worried if he was ringside cheering him on, he thought it was just a moment of madness or a Xmas party fling now it's dragging on and becoming more obvious daily (although the guy seems to think he is really subtle, but it is more sad than anything.)

LegacyUser

What a horrible position to be in. At this stage the man in question needs to grow up and end things with this woman. If he did not want a child why did he not take some responsiblity himself and use a condom.
The reality is that he can't contine like this. He can't just walk away from his girlfreind, a toddler and mortage and think he won't have to pay towards this house or support his child.

At this stage I would get your boyfreind to tell him if his relationship ends he will still be paying for his child and the house he is no longer living in. In your situation I would have a discret word with his new woman friend. Tell her that he has a big mortage on a new house with his partner of ten years and child. She might not be aware of the full story and this might get her to tell him to get lost.

I would also tell her that is only a matter of time before you tell her boyfriends partner about her and him.

Eeden

^^^ I certainly wounldn't do this, OP. It is a horrible position to be in, but nothing good will come of your interfering in someone else's relationship.

makeandcreate

lady 2116 wrote: »

What a horrible position to be in. At this stage the man in question needs to grow up and end things with this woman. If he did not want a child why did he not take some responsiblity himself and use a condom.
The reality is that he can't contine like this. He can't just walk away from his girlfreind, a toddler and mortage and think he won't have to pay towards this house or support his child.

At this stage I would get your boyfreind to tell him if his relationship ends he will still be paying for his child and the house he is no longer living in. In your situation I would have a discret word with his new woman friend. Tell her that he has a big mortage on a new house with his partner of ten years and child. She might not be aware of the full story and this might get her to tell him to get lost.

I would also tell her that is only a matter of time before you tell her boyfriends partner about her and him.

The other girl knows all about it. She also had an on/off partner when they got together and funny enough told her ex he was a paranoid, jealous lunatic for even thinking she was cheating. Then she would go around confiding in certain guys that he was violent to her.
It may be true and if it is, she never deserved it but it doesn't give her the right to do what she did either.
I have no investment in his partner or fear of it ending up being a shoot the messenger scenario, so no anonymous letters but I would really prefer to get through to make sure he knows what he is putting on the line and I guess to grow a pair and be honest.
Do relationships get back from this kind of betrayal?

Eeden

makeandcreate wrote: »

The other girl knows all about it. She also had an on/off partner when they got together and funny enough told her ex he was a paranoid, jealous lunatic for even thinking she was cheating. Then she would go around confiding in certain guys that he was violent to her.
It may be true and if it is, she never deserved it but it doesn't give her the right to do what she did either.
I have no investment in his partner or fear of it ending up being a shoot the messenger scenario, so no anonymous letters but I would really prefer to get through to make sure he knows what he is putting on the line and I guess to grow a pair and be honest.
Do relationships get back from this kind of betrayal?

I'm becoming unsure of how to get through to you that this is seriously, absolutely None Of Your Business. You disapprove. I disapprove, too. But it has really nothing to do with you, at all. Maybe if it happened to a close family member of yours, sure. But these people don't even sound like friends of yours. Don't get involved. Just don't.