Dating Mess and Confused

LegacyUser

Feel like a crappy person lately and I'll explain
I've been online dating a guy...lets call him A since Jan of this year and although a little strange I pretty much connected with him instantly. Very cute, sweet and charming and really interesting personality but a bit strange in that he is very spiritual and has unique views about how he sees the world around him which is quite strange.

Fast forward few weeks when I had thought it had sizzled out and just was happy to leave it at that. In the two or theree months I was set up with person B and have gone on a few dates with him. B is lovely but I don't feel that spark with him although it is growing. B and I have mutual friends who have seen us together. He is a great guy but there is certain things that I'm not fond of: the pet names ( I'm in my 30's and I don't need to be called babe or sweetie every other second! ), his constant need to be literally hands on ALL THE TIME. That being said he is sweet and I really enjoy his company when he does want to talk ( Very rare in fairness) but bottom line is I really like him and am fond of him

The thing is A has been in touch with me explaining how he has been off the radar and how he has made a big move to the North and bought a house and just wasn't in the right head space but would like to meet up with me if I felt like it. My head has done a complete tailspin now as stupid as that sounds. I could talk to A for hours and that is something that I like and want in a relationship

I want to see where this thing with A goes but I don't want to hurt B especially considering the mutual friends that we have.

I haven't gone "all the way" with either of them by the way.

Anyways would love some advice

LegacyUser

Don't see how this makes you a crappy person, you only went out with B because you thought A was gone. B sounds more reliable and like he is more into you.' A' kind of sounds like he can take it or leave it. He may be more interesting because he seems mysterious, sometimes that can be a good tactic to gain a woman's interest (now, i could be wrong) but I personally would be more inclined to choose B. My humble opinion

zoobizoo

"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that zing"

So if B isn't doing it for you then end it, regardless of what happens with A.

If communication is high on your list, and B isn't that communicative, then he probably never will be. That is what I would see as a core part of one's personality much like sense of humour.

LegacyUser

You prefer A so you're going to go with A. But be aware he will probably wreck your head, as the ones who you really feel the 'spark' with always do. If he disappeared off the radar like that already when you just started seeing each other, without any explanation, and you sounded like you kind of expected it from him cause he's so 'quirky and strange', he will do it again. It creates a dynamic where you're kind of 'grateful ' he reappears and acknowledges you after he disappears.

Tigger99

OP these are not the last two guys in the world. Surely you deserve better than someone flakey or someone who sounds like they irritate you ( which to be fair from your description, I'd feel the same).

You could of course see how it goes with A, but I'd put money on him disappearing again, only the next time you might be in love with him at that stage.

If somebody is that into you they are unlikely to go off the radar.

massdebater

For starters, it doesn't sound like you're really into B so I'd let him go anyway. A sounds like a possibility so I'd give him a shot and see where it goes, otherwise, you'll always be wondering 'what if'

Lisacatlover

Just be honest with anyone, don't lead anyone to believe they are the only person you are interested in or seeing when they are not.

LegacyUser

I think person C is the one for you. We don't know who he is yet, but he's still a better bet than a fella you have no spark with and who seems to suffocate you with public affection, or a fella who's such a flake that he fecks off with no contact and buys a house all without saying a word, then whips out your number when it suits him to chance his arm.

Augme

Sounds like you're just with B because the other option was being on your own, which is really poor form and unfair on B. Whatever about A, you should do the decent thing and let B go to find someone who actually cares about him.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your advice guys

I think you all might be right about maybe just sticking to my guns and maybe ending it with both because I'm not feeling it with either

I don't know how to feel about being told that what I'm doing is poor form and unfair as that was definitely not my intention and I really didn't want to be that person. I didn't feel I was sticking with B because "he'd do " far from it in fact which is why I'm feeling confused. He has his little things that annoy me and maybe wouldn't be relationship material but I enjoy spending time with him and he has a huge heart. For all I knew A was long gone so it wasn't that I stuck with B waiting for A to come to his senses

Rambling now but I do see you're points. My current plan is to go on one more date with A to see what happens and then see how I feel. Maybe the best option is to just enjoy being single and not rush into things

Thanks x