In laws

Sally D

How do you deal with a mother in law that has the inability to think before she speaks and the rest of the family that no matter what I say regatding my parenting views or any views in general they look down there noses at me as if I don't have a right to my opinion.
I try to keep my distance but we have recently had a baby so that's making it impossible to avoid them.
They come across as having to have control and be in the know about everything where as I am a very private do it myself person.
Any joke is always perceived as a dig at them. Majorly lacking in sense of humour

Keane2baMused

When it comes to the in laws I find smiling and nodding is usually the easiest option.

They don't have to agree with your parenting style or opinions. They just have to accept it. If they can't accept it and make that very clear to you then it's up to hubbie to step up and have a word.

Don't let it get to you, it will wear you down.

Pistachios & cream

As above smile and nod and if they are unable to do that back to you then your husband will need to step up and set some ground rules.

It's important to keep things cordial but that does not mean you become a doormat.

tommy100

Need an example of the current situation, what are the 2 styles of parenting. (Maybe they are right???, maybe you are right). My inlaws are great, but we all do things differently and have different opinions. I dont agree with how they do some things differently.

Toots

Moved to Personal Issues. Posters, please be sure that you familiarise yourself with the Personal Issues Charter before posting.

Hi OP, just a thought, if this is your first baby, maybe they are just trying to help?
Everyone has great plans with their first but maybe they think that they are giving you the benefit of their experience?

tinkerbell

What exactly are they doing OP that is bothering you? Need more info here.

Neyite

Depending on what it is, firstly, don't discuss your parenting choices with them.

If you've chosen to be a babywearing breastfeeder for example, that is your choice. The only people with a valid input into that is your partner and your healthcare support. The rest of the opinions (and oh boy you WILL get unasked for opinions from now on!) you can serenely let wash over you. They can flap around with a face on them but its your baby, your rules.

"this works for us"
"this is what we have decided"
"thanks for the suggestion, we will keep it in mind"
"we are not keen on that, thanks"
"we prefer to do it this way"
"when we've decided, we'll let the family know"
"good to know. I'll mention it to the public health nurse at the next check up"

Just a few possible phrases that might come in handy. All said in a pleasant tone with a smile.

No point if they are an Always Right type, to get into a discussion that its not recommended to wean at 6 weeks anymore or that tummy sleeping is not recommended. They will see that as a direct criticism of their parenting back in the day. Just as you see their comments as criticism of yours.

Your biggest card to play is your partner - her son. Get him to support you when MIL kicks off or makes a comment. Present a united front.

Unless your problem goes a bit deeper than that with the inlaws. But without much context that's what I can come up with.