Is it distance or does he not like me?

wivy

Ok, so met this lovely guy on a night out just over a month ago on a weekend away.
We just clicked. Spent most of the night laughing, joking and chatting. He made a big effort to get my number and really made an effort on the night.
Met a week later for a cinema date, again all great. Very good chemistry.
Fast forward 5 weeks later... We've been having regular 30 minute calls and texts. He has said the odd time.. I really need to get my ass in gear and come up for a visit. (See this is the problem, he lives down the country and I'm up in Dublin)
But nothing has come of it.. I get that some weekends I've been busy or he has stuff on but
I'm getting to a point now at 5 weeks later that I would really like to meet him to see what the hell is going on with us.
I really like this guy and to be honest I get the feeling he likes me too, but why won't he discuss meeting up with me.
I brought it up on the phone the other night and he said oh I'm so disorganised and I can't make a plan for the life of me, but if he liked me enough would he make the effort?
I'm just getting really confused about the situation. Would he continue to call me if he didn't like me? Is distance just fecking it up? Or is the fact that we're not meeting up a sign that maybe he's just not as into it as I think?
Would appreciate any views! Thank you

rainbowtrout

It's not hard to get to Dublin from anywhere, if it was from one rural area to another like Roscommon to Carlow I'd say something. Assuming he doesn't drive, all he has to do is get a bus/train. That isn't difficult.

Personally I wouldn't be getting my hopes up. At most I'd try one more time and try and organise an actual date rather than just saying it would be great if we could meet up. Invite him to come up on a particular Saturday (or whatever) and if he starts spouting that he's too disorganised then just knock it on the head. He's probably enjoying chatting to you without having to commit to anything, not even a date.

Like you said, if he was that interested he would make the effort.

CaraMay

Unless he lived on Clare island then it's an excuse. Even at that if he were interested he would make the effort. I wouldn't ask him again op. Why chase him?

Idle Passerby

My reading would be that he likes you but not enough to consider starting a relationship that would involve travelling every weekend and phonecalls during the week. That kind of thing is enough of a bummer when the relationship is well established, bit of an uneccessary hassle for someone youve only just met.

ellie1

Simple. Send him a message saying something along the lines of when are you free to go to the pub/dinner/drinks? Give him a few options to when your available. If he responds to this , great. If not , cut contact and if he contacts you just reply with "l would love to meet up , let me know when your free".

You are not a phone service or an entertainment phone line for him to use when he is bored/lonely/ requiring ego massage.

LegacyUser

I agree with Idle Passerby. I was in a relationship like that with someone in Dublin and essentially the distance is what killed it. After working hard all week and then having to drive to Dublin at weekends is a real relationship killer aswell as not being able to meet up during the week. As there is usually more to do in Dublin the person from the other part if the country is usually the one doing most of the travelling. Are you prepared yourself to drive down to him? You seem to be the one expecting him to come see you? Is that something you are prepared for on a long term basis?

Amoureux

Just an idea, why don't you travel to see him? If you are really interested then maybe you could make the effort, it works both ways. Plus if you suggest travelling down to him and he puts you off then I suppose you have your answer about whether he sees a future with you.

wivy

Thank you everyone for your replies. Much appreciated.

I took your advice and text saying look are we on for a second date? enjoying our calls but we probably would want to meet up soon enough unless we're going to be penpals.
So got a spiel back about how I was class and great craic blah blah blah etc but how he's working six day weeks and its not viable when he's not living in dublin, which i suppose is fair enough. Just wish i hadn't fallen for the calls and texts.
Like Ellie1 says looks like I was a source of entertainment when he was bored.
Just really disheartening. You feel you're getting on with someone and all the right signs and then BAM same ****e excuses.
Thanks guys.
Back to the drawing board i guess. X

Hombre Lobo

Sorry to hear OP. FWIW, I was in a similar situation before Christmas too.

Long distance with us on opposite sides of the country. I tried for six months but it was just too difficult and I felt it wasn't fair on the other person so I had to end it, as much as I liked the other person. I didn't see this situation changing in the short term much so it was the best option for us both.

We only got to meet every third or fourth week. She might have had other plans one weekend such as heading back to her homeplace, and I plans on another weekend. The only feasible time for us to meet was at weekends. I would be getting up at 8am on a Saturday morning to catch a three and a half hour train, to finally meet up around 1pm after train trainsfers. We got on great and always had a fun time. I'd leave on a Sunday evening to be back home again at around 10pm.

The problem was I would be absolutely wrecked after it all. I was working long hours all week and then going straight back into work again after the weekend of travelling and meeting up. It was affecting my health and I was getting sick from being run down.

I think the guy you met probably did like you and if the distance was shorter you would be out having fun right now. Long distance is a huge commitment, especially at the start of a relationship when you are trying to get to know one another.

SingItOut

My boyfriend lives in Dublin, I'm down the country in Carlow. We've been together almost 4 years and travelled up and down to each other by train/bus regularly throughout this time, if you are really serious about someone then spending an extra bit of money per week/second week shouldn't be a problem and if you have a strong relationship the distance should not affect that.