Will I, wont I?

jkeogh75

Why I no longer love my wife (If ever I did) would have us here all night, My main concern are our kids. I've read a few posts and to be honest they've scared the crap out of me in relation to how divorce affects the children...bed wetting, anxiety, anger, hitting, regression etc, I'm now asking myself "it is worth it?" I think I'd rather be miserable silently until my (7.9&12yr olds) kids grow up. I know that's probably not healthy for me but I've made my bed...etc etc. As well as this, all my income goes towards paying the mortgage and utility bills with my wife's(part time) income going towards everything else. I walk away and then what?
I live with my folks and keep paying mortgage/bills with no money to "live" and cause God knows what damage to my kids.

Any advice welcome

Stheno

How do you and your wife get on?

Do you argue/fight much?

If you do, that's impacting your kids, and not setting them up for a great understanding of adult relationships.

jkeogh75

Stheno wrote: »

How do you and your wife get on?

Do you argue/fight much?

If you do, that's impacting your kids, and not setting them up for a great understanding of adult relationships.

We don't fight in front of kids, we tend to do the whole "silent treatment" so they're probably oblivious to it. My wife, in my opinion is too controlling.

Stheno

jkeogh75 wrote: »

We don't fight in front of kids, we tend to do the whole "silent treatment" so they're probably oblivious to it. My wife, in my opinion is too controlling.

They're probably aware of all of it to be honest.

This is a difficult one, I'd be half tempted to suggest moving this to relationship issues, there have been plenty of posts on there where children whose parents have divorced have posted their experiences.

If you did decide to leave you could start a post here.

Have a think and let me and the other mods know what you want to do advice wise.

jkeogh75

jkeogh75 wrote: »

We don't fight in front of kids, we tend to do the whole "silent treatment" so they're probably oblivious to it. My wife, in my opinion is too controlling.

I'd imagine the kids are well aware of any bad feeling/ silent treatment that goes on.
Probably best to separate & treat the kids well.

kkhornet

Don't think that your kids won't notice the silence between yourself and yer wife.

Sometimes silence has a lot more volume than verbal or physical arguments.

peckerhead

+1 to all the above.

StanleyOllie

My kids were younger when I separated. They are happy, well balanced and loved. School has reported back to say how well adjusted they are. Both of us parent them and see them even when the other has them but we dont really talk.
If both put kids first they are resilient and adjust. If your wife is controlling this may not happen and she may use access to kids as a method to control.
In relationships there are always 2 sides. Is she as miserable as you? Have you discussed it at all? Does she know you are considering it. Is she but she isnt financially able. Could you work at things... the shock of even discussing separation may be enough to see some changes. You only have one shot at this life and you deserve to be happy so make some changes whether within the relationship or otherwise.

enzo roco

kkhornet wrote: »

Sometimes silence has a lot more volume than verbal or physical arguments.

I think you are wrong.
The horror of two grown adults screaming and shouting, and pushing, shoving, punching etc is much worse for a child to witness.

And Im not saying silence is fantastic in the op's relationship.

Lavinia

Hi OP,
Do you think that you and your (still) wife could have an adult agreement and understanding that you will live together under the same roof until your children grow up for their sake and give each other freedom with no accusations or controlling issues to live as best you find for yourself - in that case I presume it would be an option to go for.
I know people who did this and it went out pretty well.
I am not saying that children will not be effected in any way - they are very sensitive, pick up everything and process as best they can (which can be heartbreaking) and surely even when they are older it will effect them, but they would have more experience & knowledge in life then to cope better with it.
Have you spoke with your wife about that option?
So not to pretend you are in a relationship or to force to be but to live together in harmony for the sake of the children...