Advice please!

Summer148

My boyfriend has got an amazing opportunity to work for 8 months but in america, (I'm in England) he is 22 and I'm 20 and obviously will not be able to afford to see each other whilst he's gone! Love him to bits and don't want to break up but don't understand how it would work??? It also doesn't help that neither of us know where or what we will be doing when he's back! I really feel he is distancing himself lately from me because he's going (in a month) but don't know why as he's made it extremely clear he wants to stay together , but sending very mixed signals, he shuts down when I ask him anything about it and won't talk to me. Really confused as to what to do, advice would be greatly appreciated .

Raminahobbin

He could be avoiding discussing it with you because he doesn't feel supported.

It's obviously something he really wants to do, but I get the impression that when he brings it up you find a way to spin it into a negative, make it about you and the relationship.

8 months is not *that* long, and if your relationship is strong, you'll be fine. It's your attitudes that will carry you through, and if you go into this with a negative mindset you'll not only stress yourself out but you might push him away.

I'm sure he's excited about the opportunity, and he definitely, definitely, should go. He'll regret it if he doesn't. If you don't feel that you can't wait 8 months, then that's absolutely fine, but you need to end it now. You shouldn't ask him to stay just because you don't think you'll make it- that's not fair.

Two choices, really:
1) decide you are not okay with this and end things.
2) decide you are okay with this and support him, get excited with him, get involved and let him have his build up without putting a negative spin on things.

theskyisblue

Sending mixed signals mightn't have anything to do with wanting to finish with you, he's moving to a new country at a young age on his own and is probably scared/nervous but won't say. These things are probably going through his head so he'll be a bit blank at times.

Are ye long going out?

Surely ye would be able to scrape the price of a plane ticket or two so ye could see one another in a couple of months ;-)

Reassure him, tell him its an awesome opportunity and you'd take it if it was the other way around.

Summer148

That's the thing I've been nothing but supportive, I never bring up me when I'm talking about it or our relationship, I just want to know his plans (he's very unorganised and has said he's not going a few times) dash time I have convinced him to go again, obviously I'd rather him with me but I'm so happy and proud of him and want him to go for his sake .

Have been together just under a year, which is not that long but we spend all of our time together it will be so weird to be speared for so long

Also just to add to it , he's making plans for when he's back which is still 4 hours away from me , I want him to realise he has me to think about now too, if he wants to make it work he needs to put in the effort and not make every plan to suit him, am I being unreasonable or do you see my point of view?

CaraMay

Tbh op you see only 20 and this seems a lot of hard work already. I don't think he needs to factor you into his life plans as yet. Ye are only together a year and now to be separated for 8 months. He's clearly trying to establish a career for himself and is fully entitled to live where he wants when he comes back. If that means 4 hours away then so be it. At this stage of life a relationships shouldn't be the most important thing.

I suspect he is feeling a bit claustrophobic due to your plans for him and maybe it would be best for both your sakes to take a break while he is away and see how it goes when he comes back