Excuse for backing out of trip

LegacyUser

Hoping to be able to get a little bit of advice on something that bothering me at the moment eventhough it's something very trivial.

Iv booked flights to go to Paris next weekend for a long weekend with two friends to visit another friend of ours who lives there but I just can't afford to go anymore.

Im not earning a lot of money at the moment and even though I booked the flights before Christmas I thought I would be OK to go but I had a lot of unexpected expenses lately like medical bills and also have since received a wedding invitation to a family wedding in a few weeks and Im just not in a position to go anymore.

Eventhough I'll be staying with friends there it will be an expensive weekend with nice dinners out and nights out planned and to be honest I just have no cash.

I'm OK with not being able to go because that's life but I need an excuse to tell my friends. I know it's ridiculous that I feel I can't tell the truth to friends but I can't unfortunately.

They don't have anything resembling money worries and wouldn't comprehend that I just don't have a few hundred euro to spare especially since I had a few months to prepare. It's more I feel bad about letting them down really. They're good people and will offer to loan me money to go I know but I don't want that and I don't want to get into my money problems with them or be made feel like a flake for backing out.

Feel awful telling a lie but I'm basically looking for a reason that I can't go.

Would appreciate any advice at all.

Thanks.

Ursus Horribilis

You know, I think you should tell them what you've told us. I can't think of any excuse at this late stage that wouldn't look suspicious. Lies can unravel horribly and do more damage than you'd ever expect. So in short, I think you should tell them the truth. If they're your friends, they'll understand and won't accuse you of being a flake or anything like that.

fineso.mom

I'd agree with the above poster. I'm sure if it was the other way round you wouldnt think badly of your friends if they couldn't afford to go.
But if you really can't face telling them,
I did have to cancel a trip once because of an ear infection. It was quite bad and my doctor told me I was risking a perforated ear drum if I flew.
I would still advise honesty though.

LegacyUser

fineso.mom wrote: »

I'd agree with the above poster. I'm sure if it was the other way round you wouldnt think badly of your friends if they couldn't afford to go.
But if you really can't face telling them,
I did have to cancel a trip once because of an ear infection. It was quite bad and my doctor told me I was risking a perforated ear drum if I flew.
I would still advise honesty though.

OP here.

Thank you both for the replies, very much appreciated.

I know honesty is the best policy and I really don't ever lie but tbh I'm just embarrassed by the situation which I know is stupid. I just want to have to explain it all to people.

I know it sounds dramatic but it's how I feel. The whole thing is stressing me at this stage and I dont want to deal with them offering to give me the money etc if you get me.

This weekend away is just the furthest thing from my mind at this stage. Just don't know what to say.

LegacyUser

I'm of the opinion that you have to tell them the truth. Lies have an awful way of coming out eventually, and then they really will think that you're a flake, who just suited yourself. And that, in my experience, is a sure-fire way to end a friendship.

I understand that it's embarrassing to admit that you just can't afford it - but it is the far better option to admit this, if you want your friendship with these people to continue.

On the bright side, you were planning to stay with friends, so you aren't leaving them in the lurch financially, by agreeing to share hotel room costs and backing out, leaving them with more expensive costs for the trip.

Be honest, it will be ok if your friends are decent people at all. It sounds as though they are decent - but right now you are behaving as though they're horrible and you need a big excuse. Treat them like the decent people they are, by telling them the truth. Anything less than this puts you in a very bad light, and may well cost you a few friendships.

Ursus Horribilis

I think you are being too hard on yourself here. How were you to know that you'd be hit with all these unexpected expenses after you'd booked the flights? Even the way you're describing what has happened is you beating yourself up "especially since I had a few months to prepare". Yes, you had three months to prepare for the holiday but how can you put money together for a holiday when you're having to pay for other things? Look, I know it's not nice to have to explain to anyone that you're short of cash. It is a dent to your pride and it is obviously embarrassing for you. On the other hand, I don't believe you have any other option. You could try lying but unless you're a good liar, it'll be obvious that you're not telling the truth and draw more attention to yourself. By coming straight out and telling your friends, you've killed the matter there and then. No need for lies, no need to wonder did they buy your story, no need to wonder has it damaged your friendship.

These are your friends you're talking about here. People who like you for who you are, not what you earn. Unless they're living very sheltered lives, they're going to know people who aren't as well off as they are. Perhaps you are underestimating them? If they're the sort who look down on people who aren't as comfortable as they are, then are they people you'd want to be friends with in the first place?

JustAThought

Its terrible that you are in this position & have all the stress & worry on top of money problems. I've had this both with weddings(drinkings) & holidays a few times due to various emergencies/disasters over the past 6 or 7 years and know exactly how you feel.:( its terrible

I've found that each time when I came clean people were unbelievably understanding - people know hard times and understand not having the resources to do something even if you've comitted & really want to go. personally as its a friends house I'd come clean as you don't want them changing the date for you or them going again a few weeks later and the same problem arising. Medical bills can be very high - consultants e250 per visit, MRI's e800 - it all adds up quickly & people don't want to get into debt. If they are your friends they shoukd see how distressed you are & understand - say you've notched up medical bills that were far in excess of what you'd imagined & you need to prioritise paying them - but next time... it's not as thou you're leaving someone in the lurch or that they can't go without you - you are the only one that loses in this and Paris IS VERY expensive - starting at the e8 coffees...

I'd +1 the ear infection but then you're only telling them at the last moment and this would be covered by your insurance so they might try to reschedule.

Depending on your work/rostra you could blame that but that would make you very unreliable for future trips & it's too easy to check RIP.ie for funerals & deaths

I'd bite the bullet & go with honesty. You could text one & it migjt be easier to do it that way - if s/he offers a loan by return text it'd then be easier to say no politely & not be nagged

Sorry for your situation & missing the trip - equally there's nothing worse than being abroad & either holding everyone back or counting coins & being mortified to not have enough to share a bill or taxis & being super-stressed over costs the whole time. Staying home is a good plan - there'll always be Paris - and you will love it all the more when you can relax & spend a bit of money without having 3 days of anxiety.

Ursus Horribilis

Some good points and advice there from just a thought. One thing though. I don't think texting them is the way to go here. This is the sort of conversation to be had either face to face with your friends or over the phone.